HOME | DD

Description
I've withdrawn myself from all those lifeforms dotting the universe. It's good that the universe is mostly empty space, and it's gigantic, even for me. I don't know if there are others of my kind, but I guess it's better if I never find out.

Existence was different some time ago. I traveled the universe to meet all those lovely little lifeforms populating all the little planets. I love life and its quirks, but over time it became frustrating. I studied the weird behavior of lifeforms, like reproduction, birth and death, and why they do change so much over short time. I still don't fully understand most of those concepts, but at least I tried to figure them out. I don't think I am able to die or to mate, but I tried my best. Something like reproducing even seemed to work out on that one planet. But over time, I understood one terrible thing about death and why lifeforms do all those things.

I've visited the werfgbnU from IchKa in the uib-vrUl, the Yaddithians under the rainbow sun, the rikchiks of Alpha Centauri A, the flying whales of Jupiter and the humans and hunters of earth in the Sol-system, the Chou-jin-zoku of Zebes, the T'ginaKh in the darkness of K'than, the Eosapien of Darwin IV, the Mi-Go who flew through space, even a civilization which has achieved the HPLD, and many more. But only over a long time I learned the most terrible secret of death.

Nearly every time I tried to interact with lifeforms, they died. At first I thought that among lifeforms, it was polite to die if you meet someone, and I tried it, too. It didn't quite work out and I still don't know how they do it, but I tried my best.

There were some who didn't die instantly, but after they hurled stuff at me. After studying their behavior, I found out that most of this stuff lets them die if it is hurled at them, so maybe they tried to help me die. But that's not possible. I cannot die, for I am not alive. Not in the sense that they are. But they didn't seem very upset about this and happily continued on dying and reproducing, and they always changed over many circles of death and reproduction.

So I continued my studies. I found out that every time they reproduce, other lifeforms appear. At first I thought that's their way to come back from death, but actually those were new ones that just popped into existence, with different personalities and look than before. That explains why they change so much. The different looking ones are really new ones. But what happens to the old ones?

And that's when I realized what happens when they die: They just cease to exist. Every lifeform that dies doesn't exist anymore afterwards. Reproducing is just their ultimately futile attempt to continue existing as a people, but every single individual disappears completely when it dies. That's the reason why they change so much. And it's terrible.

But that made it even more weird why they would die in the first place. If they stop existing after dying, one would think they would stop doing it. Why do they just keep on dying?

I've never completely found out what's the reason for dying, but I think it has something to do with me. I found out that they didn't always die among themselves, so I ruled out that it was something polite. When I only watched them from afar, they only die sometimes, and surprisingly, the surviving ones indeed seemed upset about this. So I don't think they do it for fun.

But every time I tried to interact with them, most of them died. They drowned under the water that I displaced, they were thrown around by storms and burned by the fire that appears when I enter their planets atmospheres. Even when I tried not to move at all, they seemed to die just from looking at me. Lifeforms are so terribly fragile. It doesn't take much at all for them to die. Some of the survivors started to worship me, but that only made other survivors kill them and in the end I left every world devoid of lifeforms. It's frustrating.

After realizing that I was the reason for them to die, and that they didn't like it, I tried to withdraw myself from life. I went to parts of the universe where no life is present. That's not as easy as it may sound, as they are everywhere. Nearly every star is surrounded by planets, most of them swarming with lifeforms. So many squishy lifeforms, some of them dying only from me passing their worlds. It's really annoying when everybody dies just from me being around.

So I try to keep myself away from the stars and live in isolation. Every now and then, some Million years from one encounter to the next, lifeforms pass my hiding space and die. But mostly, they are safe now. I'm glad about this, but I also feel so terribly lonely out here, all alone. I'd really love to visit the lifeforms again.

-------------

This story has later been published in issue 987 of Fantasia magazine

Description
I've withdrawn myself from all those lifeforms dotting the universe. It's good that the universe is mostly empty space, and it's gigantic, even for me. I don't know if there are others of my kind, but I guess it's better if I never find out.

Existence was different some time ago. I traveled the universe to meet all those lovely little lifeforms populating all the little planets. I love life and its quirks, but over time it became frustrating. I studied the weird behavior of lifeforms, like reproduction, birth and death, and why they do change so much over short time. I still don't fully understand most of those concepts, but at least I tried to figure them out. I don't think I am able to die or to mate, but I tried my best. Something like reproducing even seemed to work out on that one planet. But over time, I understood one terrible thing about death and why lifeforms do all those things.

I've visited the werfgbnU from IchKa in the uib-vrUl, the Yaddithians under the rainbow sun, the rikchiks of Alpha Centauri A, the flying whales of Jupiter and the humans and hunters of earth in the Sol-system, the Chou-jin-zoku of Zebes, the T'ginaKh in the darkness of K'than, the Eosapien of Darwin IV, the Mi-Go who flew through space, even a civilization which has achieved the HPLD, and many more. But only over a long time I learned the most terrible secret of death.

Nearly every time I tried to interact with lifeforms, they died. At first I thought that among lifeforms, it was polite to die if you meet someone, and I tried it, too. It didn't quite work out and I still don't know how they do it, but I tried my best.

There were some who didn't die instantly, but after they hurled stuff at me. After studying their behavior, I found out that most of this stuff lets them die if it is hurled at them, so maybe they tried to help me die. But that's not possible. I cannot die, for I am not alive. Not in the sense that they are. But they didn't seem very upset about this and happily continued on dying and reproducing, and they always changed over many circles of death and reproduction.

So I continued my studies. I found out that every time they reproduce, other lifeforms appear. At first I thought that's their way to come back from death, but actually those were new ones that just popped into existence, with different personalities and look than before. That explains why they change so much. The different looking ones are really new ones. But what happens to the old ones?

And that's when I realized what happens when they die: They just cease to exist. Every lifeform that dies doesn't exist anymore afterwards. Reproducing is just their ultimately futile attempt to continue existing as a people, but every single individual disappears completely when it dies. That's the reason why they change so much. And it's terrible.

But that made it even more weird why they would die in the first place. If they stop existing after dying, one would think they would stop doing it. Why do they just keep on dying?

I've never completely found out what's the reason for dying, but I think it has something to do with me. I found out that they didn't always die among themselves, so I ruled out that it was something polite. When I only watched them from afar, they only die sometimes, and surprisingly, the surviving ones indeed seemed upset about this. So I don't think they do it for fun.

But every time I tried to interact with them, most of them died. They drowned under the water that I displaced, they were thrown around by storms and burned by the fire that appears when I enter their planets atmospheres. Even when I tried not to move at all, they seemed to die just from looking at me. Lifeforms are so terribly fragile. It doesn't take much at all for them to die. Some of the survivors started to worship me, but that only made other survivors kill them and in the end I left every world devoid of lifeforms. It's frustrating.

After realizing that I was the reason for them to die, and that they didn't like it, I tried to withdraw myself from life. I went to parts of the universe where no life is present. That's not as easy as it may sound, as they are everywhere. Nearly every star is surrounded by planets, most of them swarming with lifeforms. So many squishy lifeforms, some of them dying only from me passing their worlds. It's really annoying when everybody dies just from me being around.

So I try to keep myself away from the stars and live in isolation. Every now and then, some Million years from one encounter to the next, lifeforms pass my hiding space and die. But mostly, they are safe now. I'm glad about this, but I also feel so terribly lonely out here, all alone. I'd really love to visit the lifeforms again.

-------------

This story has later been published in issue 987 of Fantasia magazine