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saxitlurg — Simon and Vya - Being Bi Takes Getting Used To
#being #bi #first #simon #takes #vya #used #getting #bisexual #date #gay #vyacheslav #dershowitz #bokabinsky #bokabinskykov
Published: 2014-09-26 04:05:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 6287; Favourites: 57; Downloads: 0
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Description
This is maybe on their first date or something, very early on in their romantic relationship. Vya is many things, but he is not at all manly.You may recognize the drawing of Simon from this saxitlurg.deviantart.com/art/S… and that's because I lifted it so that Vya had something to be mooning over.
Simon's not really that homophobic, he doesn't mind gayness in other people, but he's always been a little uncomfortable with the gay thoughts that would pop up in his own head. He's one of those people who always thought that there was just the two options, straight or gay. He knew for sure that he liked girls, so the attraction he'd sometimes feel toward guys disturbed him a bit, so he "solved" the problem by taking a dip in denial and pretending it didn't exist. Simon likes unpredictability and surprises in life and in his travels, but he doesn't like uncertainty in his own thoughts, he likes to think he knows himself completely. But the closer he gets to Vya, the more he realizes he didn't know himself that well after all.
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Comments: 32
I have grown very fond of these two as they develop, and I think this piece is my favorite so far
The conflict that Simon goes to is very relate-able and real, which is probably why I love this and hearing his inner dialog so much
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Thank you very much, I'm glad that his emotions are ringing true 
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You're right, it is a shame. I'm really glad you're portraying it. That's no small task. And it's so great for showing character development
3 times? wow. I personally am still in transition so a lot of time I feel like this really weird, floaty, "like this? um.. uh.." awkward feeling. Lots of uncertainties but at the same time it's exciting to find your way out completely (as it were).
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Yeah well, there's a lack of proper development in LGBTA characters in fiction anyway. Not that there's none, there's just not enough. And too often it's portrayed like "Oh I'm actually gay! Better start gaying that shit up!" and they slip into their new identity with no problems whatsoever. It just bugs me. It would be like having a character who smokes just suddenly be like "Hey smoking is bad for me!" and immediately throwing away all their cigarettes and never looking back and running in a meadow of flowers because all is right with the world. Maybe some people can flip so easily, but for most it takes time.
And yeah, three times. I'm a fat lover, an asexual, and gay, and I didn't figure those out all at the same time, I had to go through the "coming out" steps for each of them, and come to terms with the picture of myself that was unfolding. The fat thing and the asexual thing were probably the hardest simply because at the time I'd never heard of a fetish, and didn't know what asexuality was till maybe a year ago? The gay thing was just hard to admit because I'd spent most of my life shoving that down because I thought I would go to hell for it. And still, I've spent so much of my life trying to impress boys because my whole life that's what I've been told my goal is supposed to be, that I still find myself thinking "Was that okay? Did he like that? Am I cute enough for him?" before remembering that I don't have to try to please them anymore, I can set my own goals. I'm sorry, I'm rambling now 
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Exactly! It's the same principle of the Mary Sue, no one can flip a switch off and on like that and instantly be awesome at it. I also don't like it when the personality changes dramatically so that it feels OOC just so they can "gay it up". There are natural transitions and eventually behaviors and actions that had been hidden away in shame very well may become prominent. But not instantly. And not a complete 180. The smoker analogy was perfect.
Interesting, I still have a lot to learn about asexuality. How does that work with being gay? I thought both were an orientation. Do you mind explaining how those two work together?
You're not rambling, I really appreciate you being honest and talking about what you've gone through. 
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Ugh, I know what you mean about the OOC thing!!! I hate that! I just saw a play the other day that had a character do that and I was like "Nooo! They were doing so semi-good with that character!!" (But on the other hand I couldn't be too angry because how they had him come out of the closet resonated so deeply with me and it was also hilarious)
Oh no, I don't mind at all! The only way to learn is to ask! I admit, I didn't understand it at first either. But the key to understanding it is separating romance from sex. You can fall in love without wanting anything to do with sex (just like you can have sex without wanting anything to do with love) So to some extent, you can have separate orientation for your romantic drive and your sexual drive. Like it's possible to be bi-romantic (kissing, cuddling, having a very close relationship with either males or females) but only be hetero- or homo- sexual (there's only one or the other that you actually want to have sex with) Although I've never met anyone like that in real life, I've heard of them existing, and I don't like to be the kind of person who says that someone's feelings are invalid. But with ace people, that kind of split orientation seems to happen quite a lot. There are people who are aromantic and asexual, which is probably what you have in mind, people who don't need sex or romance at all. Then there are the people (like me) who want love and partnership, but have no interest in/are disgusted by (the degree of how you handle sex varies from person to person, I'm a little more on the "disgusted by it" side, ESPECIALLY if there's anything resembling a penis involved). And there are also people who are aromantic, but still have a sex drive, so they have sex with people without feeling romantically attached. Not that aromantics are completely solitary people or hop from partner to partner, I've heard of aromantics who form kind of....soul-friend partnership. I'm not sure how to explain it....Like best friends, but more so. And if the aromantic person is not asexual, then they're like best-friends-but-more-so-with-sex. (Let me know if there's any part of this you don't understand, I'm not great at explaining, haha)
I know a lot of people can't comprehend the idea of a happy relationship without sex, but for me it's all the other parts of a relationship that seem the most rewarding.
Haha, and see, I have a lot to learn about the gender spectrum side of things. Like I accept it, but I'd be lying if I said I understood the feeling of being trans/both/neither. (my parents were always pretty loose with gender roles most of the time, my mom taught me how to shoot a gun and my dad taught me to sew, so I was blessed in that area)
But would you mind talking to me a bit about your experiences and how the whole genderfluid thing works?
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image link failed for the diagram. sorry. here hopefully this works 25.media.tumblr.com/718bdad579…
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Oh no! Hate when something like that happens to a character you come to like D: (My problem is usually that I decide I really like a character and boom they're given a "red shirt" and I'm left in a puddle of tears. ;^; )
I agree, there's a huge difference between romance and sex. The two can go hand-in-hand together quite nicely but they're not synonymous. Just cuz majority of people like PJ&J doesn't mean everyone does. Some people just like PB and some just like J (and some neither). [lol food analogies. I love food too much] So believe me, I get it. And even though I'm only really interested in guys (I can't say I'm straight cuz I'm both guy and girl so I've yet to figure out a term for this) I'm not one to go "Oh dude, check out how hot that person is." I may do a double-take and recognize "Wow. That person is attractive." But then that's the extent and I move on usually. And those double- takes are pretty rare for me anyways
Hmmm interesting. So far, the only asexual friend I have falls into the more higher-spiritual/platonic love for romance and "ew" category for sex. Since she was my first encounter with an asexual person, my overall impression of how most asexuals feel is that sex is just gross. I didn't realize that some could still find sex appealing and just be aromantic. And now that you've explained all that, it makes sense how you can be both gay and asexual. I find that really intriguing, people's diversity never ceases to amaze me.
Oh wow, that's great! I just had my mom growing up and I grew up in the church in the buckle of the Bible-belt so... yeah. Ah sure I can try to do that. I'm still learning how to eloquently voice everything and even understand some parts (see? transition people.)
To steal a recent quote from one of my favorite shows, "...you are not two people, and you are not one person. You...are an experience! Make sure, you're a good experience." That describes being genderfluid rather perfectly at least for me. Lots of people think gender is a binary. Black and white. But there's a rainbow of gender just like there is one for sexuality. My experience is I'm a guy some days, some days I'm a girl, and somedays I'm a mix, and somedays I'm neither. There are some things in the binary for girls that I fall into (loving cute stuff, like to do "motherly" behaviors on children and friends, enjoying dresses and all sorts of colors, loving lacy things and wishing I had a unicorn or pegasus for a BFF) buuuutt... I also really loved stuff like climbing trees, chasing girls with frogs I found, getting muddy and messy, and feeling most comfortable sitting "unlady-like" (crotch-displays is what I think it's called). I also thought shopping, gossip, makeup, and fawning over "hot" celebrities were all stupid and not getting it. I also was confused by the concept of bras when I was younger. I thought it didn't apply to me even though I was an early bloomer and ended up being "well blessed" cuz to me they were uncomfortable and guys didn't need to wear them so why all of a sudden did I have to, and what's going on with my chest?! [puberty was rather traumatic and confusing]
Most of my friends growing up were guys cuz I fit in there much better. I had barbies but I was much happier running around pretending to be a long-lost power ranger or teenage-mutant ninja turtle. Now-a-days I'll gladly pass up going to the mall for hanging out and playing video games all day. I also think it's silly when girls get jealous of the guys for playing said video games. but..that's just me. And at the same time I don't find the appeal to sports or rough-housing, hunting, etc. So I kind of fall inbetween both binaries and stereotypes. I know I'm not trans cuz I don't hate the body I'm in. I don't have any dysphoria with it. But at the same time, I also get annoyed with it sometimes cuz it prevents me from acting and looking the way I feel some days. (I soooo love my binder and feel much happier now that I have one. Same with my new androgynous haircut). The only dysphoria I have felt is with my name and pronouns. I don't mind having a female name or pronouns but I'd much prefer either neutral ones or male ones used in combination with female. If it weren't such a pain in the butt or would cause chaos in my family, I'd change my name.
But anyways, where was I? Oh yeah. Genderfluidity can apply to anyone also. My ex-fiance was also genderfluid and we'd go on dates "genderbent" and those were my favorites. I loved helping him find a dress that fit him while I was dressed up all fancy with a new tie and waistcoat. People would be confused, we thought it was funny when they tried to figure us out. (Trying to figure out who is the "boy" and who is the "girl" when we each said we're both.) Genderfluid means we can also feel above the binary where instead of feeling mostly male/female, we'd feel equally both or neither. The neither is a bit difficult to explain, much like telling a person who only sees in black and white that there are things called color. You can use things like "that's a little more black or that's a little more white" to try to describe shades but it's still using a different system than what is accurate. Grays =/= full-spectrum color.
Another quote is "It's a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, gendery-wendery...stuff." Here's a diagram that may help explains things too. And I have a bunch of youtube videos that explains gender spectrum a lot better than I do if you want me to note them to you.
Not to mention my gender expression is also very fluid. I love wearing dresses, but then I'll turn right around and want to wear my binder and dress snazzy like Captain Jack Harkness. Suspenders and neck ties are beautiful things 
So to try to summarize.. It's like I'm two people in one. A friend of mine who is genderfluid describes themselves as a snail cuz snails can be male or female when it comes to reproduction. (Not to get confused with intersex though. Our biology is either male or female, but our identity is a mix. Intersex means you have parts belonging to both males and females).
Sorry if any of that was confusing..it's also very long-winded. oops. I even tried to cut/summarize stuff..hmm Let me know if you have any questions
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THIS IS ADORABLE. I feel so bad because I'ev been missing out on so much adorable art of yours! How have I let this slip through my fingers!? XD such cute interactions here >w<
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!! Thank you!! OTL You're way way too nice!
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I like the fact that this shows how he's owning up to that surprise in his personality. It's nice for someone with such a carefree attitude to be grounded enough to accept that.
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Thanks, I'm so glad that comes through
Sorry, went on a little long there OTL
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Actually that's really interesting so thanks for going on ^^
I've been really fond of Simon and Vya as a couple for awhile now (since a little after the Olympics back in February I guess? The Olympics strip was the first piece of your work I found.) So it's been interesting to watch as you flesh out their personalities. I particularly like what you've done with Simon's backstory. He's still as freespirited as ever, but the understanding his backstory provides gives it a deeper meaning. Also, I just like the idea of him wandering off into the woods and camping out a lot. I'm kinda envious, actually. He'd be such a cool person to meet in real life. XD
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Also, it needs be said, he'd probably be a kindof irritating person to meet too. That kind of carelessness is also the sort of thing that might make me want to bang my head against the wall. But i can totally admire that trait in someone while also being envious and wanting to do a facepalm. Ah, mixed feelings. Again, good job with the backstory ^^
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Ahaha, it's always nice to meet someone who doesn't mind that I talk too much XD
And oh gosh, you have been around a long time! *huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug* Thank you so much for sticking with me! And yes, figuring out Simon's back story was the best step in smoothing out his personality, because finally he had a point of reference, a reason for doing the things he does, so when I'm stumped and he's not feeling like himself when I write him, I can look back and use his history to figure out what he would do instead. And haha, I like that idea too, that's probably what he does when he's in a bad mood or gets dumped, just packs up some things and disappears for a few days into whatever wilderness he can find XD But I know just what you mean, I would surely be irritated by him if I ever met him XDDD
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so cute...though i never though of butterfly appreciation as a feminine or gay thing so, but i love his happy face when he sees the butterfly, so cute.
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Well it's certainly not terribly manly. But it's mostly how excitable he is over tiny things, which is a stereotypical girly thing (although considering my dad's reaction in the gardening section of any store, I don't think "excitability" is genderly limited either)
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the way he gets excited over things is how i am in the store most times.
..heehee i like that excitability is not gender limited ;D
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That's how I get about certain characters, like I've been obssessivly looking up all the art I can find with 's Stas 38.media.tumblr.com/7856c9fb46… Cuz I love him and he's my stupid pig baby
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awww
i'm obsessivly enjoying jack sketlington from nightmare before christmas
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Vya trying to be manly and Vya pretending to be straight are the two things I want under my tree for Christmas this year XD
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I love how expressive you draw these two. They're too freaking cute. "Manly" Vya is so funny xD
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Thank you so much
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Haha, no he's just very excitable
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I love the eyes he gets when he gets excited!
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Aww thanks, I'm always afraid that it makes him look like a bug XD
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