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Description
i DAre you

my more recent portfolio stuff has started to have a general theme of the viewer standing in darkness with the light just within reach; but there's the unfortunate inconvenience of Spooky Shadow Creacher being a gremlin and lurking,,, watching,,,,,,,,
sO I used to struggle with a lot of social anxiety from middle school to around.... the end of freshman year? to put it in context with this image and the others (such as cat in front of ajar-door), the light would represent all the stuff I wanted to do: make friends, stop being so standoffish and defensive, be open about my interests instead of pretending my life revolved around academia; and the shadows where the viewer stands is/was my current situation of feeling uneasy.
the cat represents the anxiety of bridging the gap between comforting yet stifling darkness into the light. it isn't innately hostile or friendly-- it's just there. anxiety holds you back from doing the things you want to be doing. it's simultaneously good and bad-- your mind defends from possible threats with this anxiety but also prevents you from moving on. but it's always there, blocking you.

i had one line of dialogue running through my head as i painted in the cat (not satisfied with it even remotely but... deadline is tomorrow and I want to be done,,, i'll fix it some other time ig) and it was "well? go on." a spiteful, cruel sort of comment, because your anxiety sees that you want this light so bad and yet you're hesitating-- it's not encouraging because it knows you won't go get it.

if anybody's interested i would say that my social anxiety is basically nonexistent now! i kind of forced myself to undergo shock therapy with the clubs i decided to choose and activities i decided to apply myself to. although i got myself into a lot of embarrassing messes and was involved in a lot of drama, I've come away from it all realizing that sometimes you really just gotta say screw it and do what you want. life for urself. be free. kick the AP cat in the face and strut right on by

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anyway i feel like the colours in this are kind of funky. i wanted to get away from the duo-tone complimentary color scheme i had going before (pink and blue, orange and blue, red and green, etc.) because it was just,,, awfully unskilled looking imo. I'm not very satisfied with the result but it's nothing a few color layers won't fix ensive:

i have an electrostatics test tomorrow and i'm not ready what even is electricity is it a fruit

Description
i DAre you

my more recent portfolio stuff has started to have a general theme of the viewer standing in darkness with the light just within reach; but there's the unfortunate inconvenience of Spooky Shadow Creacher being a gremlin and lurking,,, watching,,,,,,,,
sO I used to struggle with a lot of social anxiety from middle school to around.... the end of freshman year? to put it in context with this image and the others (such as cat in front of ajar-door), the light would represent all the stuff I wanted to do: make friends, stop being so standoffish and defensive, be open about my interests instead of pretending my life revolved around academia; and the shadows where the viewer stands is/was my current situation of feeling uneasy.
the cat represents the anxiety of bridging the gap between comforting yet stifling darkness into the light. it isn't innately hostile or friendly-- it's just there. anxiety holds you back from doing the things you want to be doing. it's simultaneously good and bad-- your mind defends from possible threats with this anxiety but also prevents you from moving on. but it's always there, blocking you.

i had one line of dialogue running through my head as i painted in the cat (not satisfied with it even remotely but... deadline is tomorrow and I want to be done,,, i'll fix it some other time ig) and it was "well? go on." a spiteful, cruel sort of comment, because your anxiety sees that you want this light so bad and yet you're hesitating-- it's not encouraging because it knows you won't go get it.

if anybody's interested i would say that my social anxiety is basically nonexistent now! i kind of forced myself to undergo shock therapy with the clubs i decided to choose and activities i decided to apply myself to. although i got myself into a lot of embarrassing messes and was involved in a lot of drama, I've come away from it all realizing that sometimes you really just gotta say screw it and do what you want. life for urself. be free. kick the AP cat in the face and strut right on by

---

anyway i feel like the colours in this are kind of funky. i wanted to get away from the duo-tone complimentary color scheme i had going before (pink and blue, orange and blue, red and green, etc.) because it was just,,, awfully unskilled looking imo. I'm not very satisfied with the result but it's nothing a few color layers won't fix ensive:

i have an electrostatics test tomorrow and i'm not ready what even is electricity is it a fruit