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Description
CHAPTER 4 - THE WOLF

I'd always been at war within myself.
Every new moon phase I would feel in my body, even when I stayed inside, or it was daytime.
I could feel it now. It was the full moon tonight, the day before I would go all-out wolf. I hated that part of me, I always fought it with every scrap I had, but it managed to possess my body every full moon.
Hauling myself up, I brought my hand to my mouth. A bought of coughing wracked my frame and I slapped my hand over my mouth. The blood coming from my throat bubbled up and over, spilling down my arms. Swallowing the horribly thick liquid, I blew my nose loudly.
I was sick.
Very sick.
The flap to my tent flew open the Alpha of my pack stepped inside. He knelt beside me and grabbed a bucket, holding it to my face. I hacked into it until I had coughed up a pint of blood, clearing my throat. The Alpha patted my back, hauling me up and steadying me as I swayed. He led me outside. I felt a little better breathing in the cool, crisp air, feeling the tingle of the sun on my sweaty exposed skin.
Turning, I nodded to the Alpha. "Thank you, Callaias," I whispered.
His blond hair glowed in the sunlight, odd compared to his dark brown eyes. "I can't have my pack brother sick now, can I?"
I smiled weakly. "But I'm only 14."
"You're an asset to this pack. I hope you realize that."
"Thanks."
Going unsteadily over to the campfire, I sat on the large log closest to me. As I watched the fire, I observed the way the flames licked up the firewood.
I stretched my hands out towards it, taking in the warmth.
As I gazed up at the sky, I realized the sun was almost set. A wave of panic washed over me, and I gazed at the members of my pack heading into the woods to transform.
But I would not go with them.
I would never go with them.
I stared up as the sun finally slipped beyond the horizon and the moon made its way into the sky. Looking at it made something uncurl inside of me, stretching its limbs, writhing under my skin. I felt it start in my chest, spreading throughout my body like a disease in my blood. My arms shook uncontrollably and my body twisted at weird angles, forcing me closer to the ground. Closing my eyes, I found myself transported to a cold, dark place. My mind.
And in front of me stood my worst nightmare.
Its pelt was shining silver, spreading the colour over some darkness. It had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, the same blue as mine, peering at me with endless intelligence. It was a fully matured wolf, at the prime of its strength, and it would never change. Its head was cocked to the side, gazing at me in puzzlement.
I stood my ground, knowing that I would be able to beat the wolf, the monster inside of me, trying to get out. I knew it couldn't talk, or probably think for itself, so I stood, waiting for the blow.
Then I heard my voice.
"Why do you resist me?"
But it wasn't coming from my own lips. It was coming from the wolf. This thing had learned to talk, had learned to be intelligent.
And now I was afraid.
"Because you're a monster! An uncontrollable, ugly beast ready to kill anyone in sight! I will never let you take me over!"
"I am a part of you," the wolf whispered. "I am you."
"You're not! You never will be!"
"I was born in you. I am you. I am simply your true form. You were born like this, not infected by this. Look back, and tell me I speak not the truth."
I didn't even bother. "You will never be a part of me!"
"Do you realize why you are sick? Why you are dying? Because when you fight me every full moon, every single wound you inflict on me, you are inflicting on yourself. You lock me up in a prison I cannot escape."
I froze. Last full moon, I had badly beaten the wolf, making it cough up blood, exactly the same sickness I had suffered the whole month.
"You see it now, don't you? I know you will never accept me, but I ask you this once, while I still have some control..."
"What?"
"We can come to a compromise. What you never realized, or thought of, is that I have no choice but to take your body, otherwise you and I will die. If you resist yet another moon, we will both die...
" I have a proposition for you... Let me in. Let me show you what being a wolf is like. Let me show you what would happen if you let me in. We will share. I will not shut you out. We will work together."
It seemed like a reasonable plan, although I was still terrified of what would happen.
My voice shook as I demanded, "Promise?"
The wolf, me, nodded. Coming forward warily, it gave me its paw. I reached out, shaking firmly. It smiled, and I found myself unafraid. I trusted this part of me now, the part I had caused so much pain.
It backed off, judging the distance between us. "Trust me."
"I trust you."
Suddenly it was running, full-tilt, towards me. I screamed, scrambling back, but I was too late. I shrieked as I fell, jolting back to my body. It felt different.
As I tried to move, I realized I no longer had any control over my actions. I started to panic, breathing hard, but the wolf part of me stretched, moving my body in graceful and beautiful ways. My eyes caught more detail than before, and my nose was so sensitive. The smell of blood clouded everything else, the smell of my own blood.
The wolf inside of me took me over to a mirror. "I cannot give you control of your body. The sheer amount of information would overwhelm you. We must take this slowly, together. I will train you to be used to the shape of this body. Eventually, you will be able to change to a wolf at any time you wish. But for now... You'll just have to trust me."
I was amazing.
Instead of seeing a ruffled human, covered in blood, I saw a graceful wolf, glorious and young, with glowing silver fur.
"I'm... beautiful," I stuttered, staring in shock.
"We are," my inner wolf whispered.
I finally knew. "I'm sorry I hurt you over and over, caused you so much pain and suffering. I was... I was afraid. I was scared that if I let you have me, I would lose myself. But you are a part of me, a precious part. I should have known."
"Your apology means a lot to me."
"Please... teach me. Help me."
"I will be here always. I am you. I will not leave."
The wolf took control of my body, leading me away from the mirror and into the forest with an unearthly grace, towards my pack mates.
"What is your name?" I asked the wolf inside of me, feeling myself embrace it with my mind.
"I am the protector. I am Aswin."

Description
CHAPTER 4 - THE WOLF

I'd always been at war within myself.
Every new moon phase I would feel in my body, even when I stayed inside, or it was daytime.
I could feel it now. It was the full moon tonight, the day before I would go all-out wolf. I hated that part of me, I always fought it with every scrap I had, but it managed to possess my body every full moon.
Hauling myself up, I brought my hand to my mouth. A bought of coughing wracked my frame and I slapped my hand over my mouth. The blood coming from my throat bubbled up and over, spilling down my arms. Swallowing the horribly thick liquid, I blew my nose loudly.
I was sick.
Very sick.
The flap to my tent flew open the Alpha of my pack stepped inside. He knelt beside me and grabbed a bucket, holding it to my face. I hacked into it until I had coughed up a pint of blood, clearing my throat. The Alpha patted my back, hauling me up and steadying me as I swayed. He led me outside. I felt a little better breathing in the cool, crisp air, feeling the tingle of the sun on my sweaty exposed skin.
Turning, I nodded to the Alpha. "Thank you, Callaias," I whispered.
His blond hair glowed in the sunlight, odd compared to his dark brown eyes. "I can't have my pack brother sick now, can I?"
I smiled weakly. "But I'm only 14."
"You're an asset to this pack. I hope you realize that."
"Thanks."
Going unsteadily over to the campfire, I sat on the large log closest to me. As I watched the fire, I observed the way the flames licked up the firewood.
I stretched my hands out towards it, taking in the warmth.
As I gazed up at the sky, I realized the sun was almost set. A wave of panic washed over me, and I gazed at the members of my pack heading into the woods to transform.
But I would not go with them.
I would never go with them.
I stared up as the sun finally slipped beyond the horizon and the moon made its way into the sky. Looking at it made something uncurl inside of me, stretching its limbs, writhing under my skin. I felt it start in my chest, spreading throughout my body like a disease in my blood. My arms shook uncontrollably and my body twisted at weird angles, forcing me closer to the ground. Closing my eyes, I found myself transported to a cold, dark place. My mind.
And in front of me stood my worst nightmare.
Its pelt was shining silver, spreading the colour over some darkness. It had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, the same blue as mine, peering at me with endless intelligence. It was a fully matured wolf, at the prime of its strength, and it would never change. Its head was cocked to the side, gazing at me in puzzlement.
I stood my ground, knowing that I would be able to beat the wolf, the monster inside of me, trying to get out. I knew it couldn't talk, or probably think for itself, so I stood, waiting for the blow.
Then I heard my voice.
"Why do you resist me?"
But it wasn't coming from my own lips. It was coming from the wolf. This thing had learned to talk, had learned to be intelligent.
And now I was afraid.
"Because you're a monster! An uncontrollable, ugly beast ready to kill anyone in sight! I will never let you take me over!"
"I am a part of you," the wolf whispered. "I am you."
"You're not! You never will be!"
"I was born in you. I am you. I am simply your true form. You were born like this, not infected by this. Look back, and tell me I speak not the truth."
I didn't even bother. "You will never be a part of me!"
"Do you realize why you are sick? Why you are dying? Because when you fight me every full moon, every single wound you inflict on me, you are inflicting on yourself. You lock me up in a prison I cannot escape."
I froze. Last full moon, I had badly beaten the wolf, making it cough up blood, exactly the same sickness I had suffered the whole month.
"You see it now, don't you? I know you will never accept me, but I ask you this once, while I still have some control..."
"What?"
"We can come to a compromise. What you never realized, or thought of, is that I have no choice but to take your body, otherwise you and I will die. If you resist yet another moon, we will both die...
" I have a proposition for you... Let me in. Let me show you what being a wolf is like. Let me show you what would happen if you let me in. We will share. I will not shut you out. We will work together."
It seemed like a reasonable plan, although I was still terrified of what would happen.
My voice shook as I demanded, "Promise?"
The wolf, me, nodded. Coming forward warily, it gave me its paw. I reached out, shaking firmly. It smiled, and I found myself unafraid. I trusted this part of me now, the part I had caused so much pain.
It backed off, judging the distance between us. "Trust me."
"I trust you."
Suddenly it was running, full-tilt, towards me. I screamed, scrambling back, but I was too late. I shrieked as I fell, jolting back to my body. It felt different.
As I tried to move, I realized I no longer had any control over my actions. I started to panic, breathing hard, but the wolf part of me stretched, moving my body in graceful and beautiful ways. My eyes caught more detail than before, and my nose was so sensitive. The smell of blood clouded everything else, the smell of my own blood.
The wolf inside of me took me over to a mirror. "I cannot give you control of your body. The sheer amount of information would overwhelm you. We must take this slowly, together. I will train you to be used to the shape of this body. Eventually, you will be able to change to a wolf at any time you wish. But for now... You'll just have to trust me."
I was amazing.
Instead of seeing a ruffled human, covered in blood, I saw a graceful wolf, glorious and young, with glowing silver fur.
"I'm... beautiful," I stuttered, staring in shock.
"We are," my inner wolf whispered.
I finally knew. "I'm sorry I hurt you over and over, caused you so much pain and suffering. I was... I was afraid. I was scared that if I let you have me, I would lose myself. But you are a part of me, a precious part. I should have known."
"Your apology means a lot to me."
"Please... teach me. Help me."
"I will be here always. I am you. I will not leave."
The wolf took control of my body, leading me away from the mirror and into the forest with an unearthly grace, towards my pack mates.
"What is your name?" I asked the wolf inside of me, feeling myself embrace it with my mind.
"I am the protector. I am Aswin."