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namenotrequired — A Cliche
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Published: 2012-05-21 02:19:20 +0000 UTC; Views: 2308; Favourites: 44; Downloads: 20
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Description
I wish I could sing you a love songabout roses and stars and the rain
but I couldn't sing like the blackbird in spring
so I think I will simply refrain.
I wish I could tell you a story
about beauty and trust and my heart
but all I could say's what they say every day
So I don't even know where to start.
I wish I could write you a poem
'bout the birds and the bees and my bed
but all I would write's being said every night
So I wrote you a cliche instead.
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Comments: 68
Thank you very much for the critique and for the compliments 
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For the record, this is the first critique I write to a poem.
It's very good; the man try to conquer the girl with precious thing but with nothing more than common and everyday things.
The rhyme is ok; but song and spring... not so much (I suggest you use the word among). Rain and refrain was unexpected; bed and instead fits perfectly.
The visual images are good, and the love in the poem is touching; its a bit short, but most of poems are this long these days.
I congratulate you for a very well worked poem. And the cliche it's a bit funny.
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Thank you very much! 
I think you missed the rhyme sing - spring; the rhyme scheme is A B C C B (whereas both Cs are in the same line), same as in the other two verses 
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Yourwelcome!
Oh, now i see it; it's a bit unclear, 'cause in poetry the last word is the one who made the rhythm (or at least that's what my Language teacher taught me). But it's still very good. I couldn't make one better(at least in english
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I see! You mean it's the last word that makes the rhyme? If you stick to that, it would be;
I wish I could sing you a love song
about roses and stars and the rain
but I couldn't sing
like the blackbird in spring
so I think I will simply refrain.
Which wouldn't be bad - I just prefered it to be read as one line. ^^
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Yes it would be like that; but it's your poem, so if you prefered it in one line is OK.
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Thanks
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So sweet. I really like the power and emotions here. It flows well, and the structure is smooth.
Wonderful poem!
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hey, i like this! it's sweet and it flows really nice
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The best love poems are always written by men. *sigh* Lovely work. Ellen is very lucky.
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This is so sweet! I love the rhyming, it works really well.
Congratulations to you both.
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Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by 
Keep writing and keep creating.
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Aww, thanks a lot! I really appreciate it
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Gah!!! 
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Thank you very much!
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I love this!
Well written and expressed, love the feelings you bring out here.
You should write more.
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Thank you very much!
I will try
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Just being honest.
We'd all love it if you did.
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I'll keep that in mind. 
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ooooh, isn't that sweet?
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Oops, replying to the wrong comment sorry
Thank you!
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Thank you very much!
I will try.
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