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MikkiMarie — Lose Myself
Published: 2015-12-13 08:18:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 2491; Favourites: 87; Downloads: 0
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Description
I'm aching,trying so hard
to watch the world spin
without my sanity beginning to spin
as well.
I'm breaking,
struggling to see my beauty
without basing it
off my own
insecurities.
Perhaps I've built myself
a complex puzzle,
and simply lost
too many pieces.
Perhaps
I made my life a battle
knowing I could never
win.
I'd rather lose myself
than be
lost.
I'd rather
stop looking
both ways
than be
afraid.
I used to fear shadows,
and now,
I wish to be one.
I used to fear my disappearance,
now I want to be gone.
I'm aching.
Trying so hard to watch the
world
spin.
But unfortunately,
my sanity
started spinning
too.
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Comments: 11
Hey MikkiMarie.
Allow me to rephrase a poetic comment from TidalWavePrime to show why this poem is truly awesome.
"Hey,
I heard, that you were sad
and inside, you were so dead
and I wanted to say, I feel so too,
but I know, I am not you.
Your life was hard and still will be,
but I hope that you will see,
that there's a long way you can go
and through it all there is a glow.
Pain might be all you have felt
and all those ice tears had to melt
and even if you think, you are down
remember, you are still above the ground,
because your only down, when you are dead,
so please stop being so sad.
Life might be the worst enemy,
but even in all this bad, there are good memories
and all the lost will be found,
when we all land on the ground,
but till that day you have to wait,
all you'll need will be faith,
faith in yourself and in your friends,
till you face your real end.
I hope this will be far away
and that you'll live happy until that day,
everybody deserves true love,
it's called freedom, a beautiful dove.
Look ahead and think bright,
because you have the right,
the right to live, the right to love,
find your freedom, your beautiful dove."
Also, I do agree with PewterNatural and Halc25 commentating on the poem, saying how it is wonderful. The way the starting and closing stanzas mirror themselves, but lead you to the final conclusion is nice. I think may be the second stanza might work better if you made it follow the same .....perhaps phrasing as the two who follow. Then structurally, you would have the starting stanza and two ending stanzas that are linked; the 5th and 6th stanzas that are linked by the content; and the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th stanzas that would be linked by the use of Perhaps. Also on the second stanza I don't know if basing it on my insecurities might flow better than basing it off my insecurities. This might just be personal preference and if most people feel otherwise I would go that way. Lastly I think you have a grammatical error, it should be trying too hard with the extra o in the first stanza and second to last stanza. Very good poem none the less, you have a great way of capturing emotions and making poignant comments with brief and evocative words.
This is a good poem to remind us as to why we treat people who behave insane.... as an unimportant piece of low life humans who do not deserve anything and just brush it off. Hopefully this will change our habits and prejudices towards insane people and treat them fair and square and equal.
Thank you.
Brandon
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This was... wonderful. This is what i wanted. Thank you so much 
(I also appreciated the first reply, I know it was not your doing, but I feel like it worked well with your poem. This is good, All is Good
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hey,
I heard, that you were sad
and inside, you were so dead
and I wanted to say, I feel so too,
but I know, I am not you.
Your life was hard and still will be,
but I hope that you will see,
that there's a long way you can go
and through it all there is a glow.
Pain might be all you have felt
and all those ice tears had to melt
and even if you think, you are down
remember, you are still above the ground,
because your only down, when you are dead,
so please stop being so sad.
Life might be the worst enemy,
but even in all this bad, there are good memories
and all the lost will be found,
when we all land on the ground,
but till that day you have to wait,
all you'll need will be faith,
faith in yourself and in your friends,
till you face your real end.
I hope this will be far away
and that you'll live happy until that day,
everybody deserves true love,
it's called freedom, a beautiful dove.
Look ahead and think bright,
because you have the right,
the right to live, the right to love,
find your freedom, your beautiful dove.
[Sorry, I don't know, what I am doing.... Everytime I read poems I start writing my own poems or a reply like this one...
I hope it's not misplaced... Sorry again...
Maybe you like it.... If you ever read it...]
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
lovely, especially the progression and contrasting. great job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Shouldn't it be "trying too hard" in the first and second-to-last stanzas?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
it's actually supposed to say "so!" oops!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Very nice poem. The way the starting and closing stanzas mirror themselves, but lead you to the final conclusion is nice. I think may be the second stanza might work better if you made it follow the same Perhaps phrasing as the two who follow. Then structurally you would have the starting stanza and two ending stanzas that are linked; the 5th and 6th stanzas that are linked by the content; and the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th stanzas that would be linked by the use of Perhaps. Also on the second stanza I don't know if basing it on my insecurities might flow better than basing it off my insecurities. This might just be personal preference and if most people feel otherwise I would go that way. Lastly I think you have a grammatical error, it should be trying too hard with the extra o in the first stanza and second to last stanza. Very good poem none the less, you have a great way of capturing emotions and making poignant comments with brief and evocative words.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
