HOME | DD

goose-fatcrystallophone
Published: 2012-11-01 18:46:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 4908; Favourites: 85; Downloads: 1220
Redirect to original
Description there is a punchcard sin
like a queen of spades smoldering in an alley.

Engine,
you hear how the gears churn,
singing faster than we did before
back when black magic dropped like a
pair of socks from the sky with supplies
taped to a note that said
(oh, look at you now)
'U.S.A.,
freedom.'

such a beautiful brain:
what
what girl
runs on gasoline?

have a gallon
or we can call it a balloon,
and a new pair of glasses
for your tapered eyes
(you peel the bark back on the logs,
darling,
but you're not sure what you see),
and life says,
either nail jello to a tree,
successfully,

or keep your
icicles hanging from the eaves,
caterpillars frolicking in the ashes,
your 'Sam, I still don't have your number,'
and your totaled passion:
someone to hang inside out with,
string you up like a steak with.

oh
what the hunger
it
it
is trying to tell me
my brain churns like butter,
my insides aflare, my chakras combusting,
my
Related content
Comments: 45

JakesException [2013-04-17 16:43:17 +0000 UTC]

(Think you still owe me for this.)

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to JakesException [2013-04-20 12:27:52 +0000 UTC]

Maybe.
Any ideas?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

JakesException In reply to goose-fat [2013-04-20 12:35:25 +0000 UTC]

Nope.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Demosthenes-H [2013-02-26 07:40:57 +0000 UTC]

Everytime I read this, the more times I want to come back and read it.

I hate on dA as soon as something is reminiscent of something not freshly posted, people ignore it!

<3 <3 so much love for this poem.

It rightly belongs in my one of a kind folder.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to Demosthenes-H [2013-02-27 11:24:24 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, and let me just say that I'm flattered to be in that folder xD
It's not totally invisible yet, thankfully. People still stop by every once in a while.
How could we get around that failing of dA? :>

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Demosthenes-H In reply to goose-fat [2013-02-28 08:01:25 +0000 UTC]

Well my best idea involves bacon rashers and no actual results. I'll come back to you on any ideas I have on how to bring a mass structural change to dA

This poem is not just in the folder.... *queue sappy music* ITS IN MY HEART <3

ohkay, apologies for that.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to Demosthenes-H [2013-03-01 08:54:10 +0000 UTC]

looool no apology required
...actually, I think your folder is doing the trick, because a couple of people have faved it since then.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Demosthenes-H In reply to goose-fat [2013-03-02 04:46:11 +0000 UTC]

Really? Well I'll be damned.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Karinta [2013-02-25 23:01:19 +0000 UTC]

I don't know what it's about, but I like it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to Karinta [2013-02-27 11:19:03 +0000 UTC]

That's still good!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

allisohnez [2013-01-31 23:17:50 +0000 UTC]

That first line

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to allisohnez [2013-02-02 00:52:41 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Darjavine [2013-01-25 16:18:10 +0000 UTC]

This is downright brilliant. Congratulations on the DD!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to Darjavine [2013-01-25 16:53:43 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Darjavine In reply to goose-fat [2013-01-25 20:22:48 +0000 UTC]

You're quite welcome

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

arganthone [2013-01-25 01:59:59 +0000 UTC]

what
what girl
runs on gasoline?

-dude, that is pure beauty. i love it.aldkfjkdlfjaklafjkldfjkfjalkfj -hugs and runs away-

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to arganthone [2013-01-25 16:53:10 +0000 UTC]

lol
but if you run away, I can't thank you. :]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

arganthone In reply to goose-fat [2013-01-25 23:30:12 +0000 UTC]

-trips-

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Carolyn7727 [2013-01-25 01:41:51 +0000 UTC]

I LOVE IT. Great imagery.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to Carolyn7727 [2013-01-25 16:50:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

LostInTheMorning [2013-01-24 23:13:43 +0000 UTC]

This is simply awesome. A kick-ass piece of poetry

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to LostInTheMorning [2013-01-24 23:39:31 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'm glad to hear it

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

LightningIdle [2013-01-24 22:14:56 +0000 UTC]

Beautifully fractured up. You definitely earned the DD. C:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to LightningIdle [2013-01-24 22:45:58 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

toxic-nebulae [2013-01-24 20:03:44 +0000 UTC]

congratulations on the DD, love!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to toxic-nebulae [2013-01-24 20:35:52 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

IyraEMM [2013-01-24 19:58:54 +0000 UTC]

Your writing is stunning - this is one of the most insanely brilliant pieces I've read here. I love the opening lines, and "such a beautiful brain:
what
what girl
runs on gasoline?"
Congrats on the DD!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to IyraEMM [2013-01-24 20:35:48 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'm glad to hear you liked it so much

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

IyraEMM In reply to goose-fat [2013-01-24 21:36:22 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome! Keep writing.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

archelyxs [2013-01-24 19:48:36 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on the DD! This is lovely work! (:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to archelyxs [2013-01-24 20:34:32 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'm so happy

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Zee-Who [2013-01-24 16:14:40 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on your Daily Deviation!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to Zee-Who [2013-01-24 20:36:09 +0000 UTC]

Thank you (:

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

spoems [2013-01-24 14:19:08 +0000 UTC]

Such a tremendous opening, it really captured me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to spoems [2013-01-24 20:36:19 +0000 UTC]

I'm so glad to hear it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

OMGitsgreen [2013-01-24 13:52:19 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on the well-deserved DD
Your use of syntax is absurdly wonderful, drawing the eye and adding emphasis to such stark, vivid imagery. I love it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to OMGitsgreen [2013-01-24 20:34:10 +0000 UTC]

That's so good to hear
I'm glad you liked it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Lintu47 [2013-01-24 11:47:41 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on the well deserved DD!
Have a nice day!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to Lintu47 [2013-01-24 20:33:22 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! And thank you again for featuring me earlier!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Lintu47 In reply to goose-fat [2013-01-24 20:48:17 +0000 UTC]

It was my pleasure

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

JakesException [2012-11-01 20:07:10 +0000 UTC]

To me, it sounds like a homage to lost love, or the trying to move on phase when a relationship ends.

Sexual imagery?:
"singing faster than we did before"

"(you peel the bark back on the logs,
darling,
but you're not sure what you see)"

I also felt that this poem was kind of mocking just how unfair life is, and how brutal love can be.

"either nail jello to a tree,"
I mean, excusing the slightly poor wording, that is visually brilliant and leaves a horrible sexual picture burnt into the reader's mind.

I love it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to JakesException [2012-11-02 21:56:39 +0000 UTC]

you hit the nail on the head there
I'm glad you love it, and I'm especially glad that you found the 'logs' metaphor - I hadn't actually meant it to be sexual, but I think your interpretation of it goes well with the spirit of the poem.
I was trying to express the tension between reality and fantasy as the difference between them grows, so, yes, it's about lost love, and about a couple of other things, too.
That it 'leaves a horrible sexual picture burnt into the reader's mind' might be the best compliment I've gotten in a while, so thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

JakesException In reply to goose-fat [2012-11-02 22:07:21 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I know.

You're welcome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

JakesException [2012-11-01 18:50:00 +0000 UTC]

This is brilliant. The vagueness and the double entendres work really well, and the balancing is near-perfect. You've got talent, girl - keep at it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

goose-fat In reply to JakesException [2012-11-01 18:57:40 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I'm glad that you liked it.
What did you get most out of it?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0