Comments: 35
Beyond-An-Anomaly [2014-01-23 03:17:27 +0000 UTC]
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
My, this piece is gorgeous. It really had me thinking for a while around what exactly this poem meant...
But first, let's talk about structure.
I actually cannot think of a better way you could have formatted this poem. It tells a story, albeit abstract, into five different sections. Your wording is very precise, and I really love the first stanza:
"When I was six a phoenix
tried to drown me.
Underwater I grabbed for fire."
It already shows the tone the overall piece gives: wonder, and possibly the slight hint of dreams/imagination. The quote, "Underwater I grabbed for fire..." is really eye-catching and grabbed my attention, as it's obviously not a common comparison.
Now, as for the meaning...
This is surely a poem that can be taken in so many different ways...but this was what I got out of it:
i. A young girl loses her innocence...
ii. her uncle is an alcoholic...
iii. she turns fifteen and falls in love with a handsome and dreamy boy...
iv. it turns out he doesn't love her back, possibly only loving her for monetary reasons or just being a more materialistic person...
v. and she feels sorrow afterwards, hoping to be stronger if she ever gets heartbroken again.
Losing innocence and teenage antics are rather common to read about these days, but you wrote the implied story within this poem really well. I really adored the way you wrote this, in a more abstract, surreal fashion; I don't even know if this poem was really about being a teenager. Someone else can come along and pull out a completely opposite meaning from this.
And that is where the true beauty of this poem lies. It all depends on who reads this poem as to what this poem truly means; whether the reader is confused or enlightened, the reader will be thinking when reading this piece. That's what good literature is all about, you know?
All in all, very nice work. I'll be thinking about this piece for a while. e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s… " width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=" (Smile)"/>
-BAA
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PhoenixFlamesRising [2014-03-20 00:31:41 +0000 UTC]
Aaagh... sometimes a poem is so perfect, so beautiful, so brutally poignant, that it almost hurts to read it. "Hurts so good" type of thing... This is most definitely one of those poems; literally one of the best poems I've read in quite some time. I'm new to the DeviantArt poetry community, but I'm beginning to think this is a treasure trove of published writers, OR those who SHOULD be published writers. Just amazing...
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Oldsoul-Mira [2014-02-28 00:14:19 +0000 UTC]
this is definitely one of the deeper poems I have read. it's so...I don't know the but it shakes you to the core...
and it's beautiful in a dangerous sort of way I give you two a five-million-star rating <3 and you have inspired me to become a better writer.
~ice-chan
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Luna-Rai [2014-01-30 04:45:17 +0000 UTC]
wow, this is beautiful. I particularly enjoyed the third section.
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helbdrache [2014-01-30 04:28:40 +0000 UTC]
Intriguing
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learningtobefree [2014-01-30 03:47:02 +0000 UTC]
this was actually fantastic
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TarosMyr [2014-01-26 20:36:50 +0000 UTC]
What a wonderful collaboration.
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aikalikka [2014-01-26 19:05:00 +0000 UTC]
The end made me shiver.
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DoktorSpankenstein [2014-01-25 18:28:16 +0000 UTC]
This is genius. I do not use that word lightly. Kudos to you both.
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SycamoreSea [2014-01-25 15:38:25 +0000 UTC]
(I found the DD on her version and felt it only fair that I leave you the same comment and fave, because this is wonderful. <3)
Wow, I can't even... wow. There is so much here to love. The entirety of i. is perfect, and I adore how to wear my bones / quieter, and the way v. ties it back together is just amazing. Wonderful work (to the both of you) and congratulations on the DD! <3
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DearPoetry In reply to SycamoreSea [2014-01-25 15:42:53 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, I got a DD back in December, I believe. And you're not allowed to have another for 6 months.
I'm so humbled by this, you have no idea! <3
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SycamoreSea In reply to DearPoetry [2014-01-25 15:45:09 +0000 UTC]
So this is basically you beating the system! Way to go. ;D
<3
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DearPoetry In reply to SycamoreSea [2014-01-25 15:47:13 +0000 UTC]
Not really, but it's pretty flippin' cool! haha
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DamagedHomewrecker [2014-01-23 15:59:04 +0000 UTC]
this is absolutely beautiful. you two work wonderfully well together, you just bleed into each other. lovely.
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LionesseRampant [2014-01-23 10:10:49 +0000 UTC]
Woah, I never would have pegged this as a collaboration! Your voices mesh so well!
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AnotherPassenger [2014-01-23 03:46:50 +0000 UTC]
wowowowow. magnificent.
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luckyCoyote [2014-01-22 23:19:58 +0000 UTC]
umm i am still comfused ._." Are these poems telling different stories or are the stories talking about one thing and I just can't connect the dots?
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sense-and-stupidity [2014-01-22 21:09:56 +0000 UTC]
This is an amazingly beautiful piece; it flows so well between both of your styles.
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lupus-astra [2014-01-22 16:30:50 +0000 UTC]
Goddamn you guys have a gorgeous style when put together. It's like a firework of...awesome. Yeah I'm not very descriptive right now I'm sorry ahaha
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oviedomedina [2014-01-22 14:42:37 +0000 UTC]
They are amazing!
Love specially number 2!
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DearPoetry In reply to oviedomedina [2014-01-22 22:01:11 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so much! You should check out :winterkate:'s gallery, because she's awesome and stuff. :3
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wei-en [2014-01-22 03:04:05 +0000 UTC]
It's interesting to see the different styles interweaving.
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RoseScarlet [2014-01-22 02:55:12 +0000 UTC]
That is so beautiful.
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