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Description
I Know that national coming out day was about 2 weeks ago but I decided to write this anyways. Hopefully it will help someone who is having similar struggles as I was having.
(I decided to add some of my artwork so you can see the timeline)

So first of all yes I'm gay. I became aware that I was "different" probably around the age of 12-13 (you know the age where your hormones decide to give you a big giant FUCK YOU) I know that people realize they're gay in different ways. This was a very confusing time in my life because in all honesty all the people that I had crushes on were girls but at the same time I was noticing the boys.

Moving on to high School I was having the same issue it's like my brain didn't know what it wanted. I kept thinking to myself "whats wrong with me? how can I like sally but also find mike attractive" I started to think maybe I'm gay. It's sad to say and admit but I didn't want accept it. I was already being heavenly bullied and being called a fag (lets face it I'm not the manliest of men). I didn't want to prove those people right. I came to the conclusion that I was bi. It made sense in my head I have female crushes but I also like men. So since I thought I was bi I thought it would be easy to just date women and and be "normal"

(2005-2012) Nothing really change in the college years except for the part where I started dating. And yes it was awkward. fast forward a couple of years and I met a really cool girl on youtube and we became really good friends. Fast forward a couple of more years and me and her started to date. And for a time everything was "normal" and good but deep down I wasn't happy. First of all I wasn't being honest with myself (and yes i still found myself checking out guys) and my relationship was slowly dying. Its sad but it was as if I was expecting her to save me from my inner struggles. I was expecting her to make me "normal" and to make the gay go away. Long story short we broke up. I regret that relationship because It wasn't fair to her and I also destroyed a 5 year long friendship. Instead of making her my girlfriend I should of been honest with her and maybe she would of helped me and be the support system I needed and I would still have my awesome friend. (in case you're wondering No I never cheated)

I decided to just stay under the radar when it came to dating and relationships. I didn't want to accept a part of me and I decided staying single would be for the best. At least for now.

(2013-Present) Fast forward a year. One day I was called in for work I had a late shift 4-8p so I decide to go to the mall downtown and hang around for a bit before my shift. I got hungry and went to the food court I got my food and sat down. A couple of minutes later a guy sat in front of me. He started to make conversation and before he left he gave me his phone number. (funny thing is this guy had already given me his number back in 2011 but I never called him) Anyways I kinda liked him. I struggled to call him I really wanted but I knew that if I did my life was gonna change forever . It took about a week but I finally texted him. we would casually talk here and there but nothing serious. Around this time I started to feel very confused and lost for the first time in my life i wanted to pursue a possible relationship with a man. It's like I was throwing away my fears but at the same time they were holding me back. I started to feel like a caged bird. One day he texted me saying that he was in downtown and wanted to see if i wanted to hang out. Of course I said yes. We hung out just talked and walked around DTLA for several hours. We went to the train station and got in the elevator. As soon as the doors closed he pinned me against the wall and kissed me. THAT KISS FELT SO RIGHT . As soon as our lips touched all doubt about my sexuality became clear (sounds strange i know) I got home really late that night my mom was still up and she asked why I came in so late. I told her that I would tell her in the morning. I went to take a shower and I remember standing in front of the mirror and saying the words " I am gay" (it's funny but even though I was alone in the bathroom It was so hard to say those words. I struggled to say them. But when I did I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders) the next day i was having breakfast with my mom and i told her "So I'm dating someone." She said "oh congrats what's her name." I said "HIS name is Robbie." It caught her by surprise and she started to ask me questions. I am so lucky to have such an amazing mother. she said "you're my son and i'll love you no matter what. as long as you're happy that's all I care about." Me and Robbie started to date . And I fell in love with him. It was the most amazing time of my life. For the first time I didnt have to hide. I can be my true self. And I was so happy. I started coming out to my friends and co-workers and no one cared I was gay. . Sadly my relationship with Robbie came to an end. No matter what happened between me and him I will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart for him. He pulled me out of the closet. I am so grateful he came into my life because he showed me what its like to be free and nothing feels better than freedom. (also yes I do still find women beautiful and sexy I'm just not sexually attracted to them.)

(Now) Now that I'm out people notice a big change in my personality. I'm 1,000 times more out going and friendly. I was so quiet before people thought I was "special" lol. For the first time I can honestly say I'M HAPPY. and I'm ready to face the world and what ever it might bring. And yes i'm still looking for Mr. Right and hope to have a little family someday.

I still don't know why I had female crushes when I was younger. I did notice that the attraction was different when I looked at a girl it was more of an emotional attraction and when I looked at a guy I was a physical attraction. Since I do want to have a family in the future maybe I thought I could never have that with a guy. maybe I was just scared of coming out completely.

I wrote this because I want to potentially help someone that might be going through something similar. My biggest advise is come out when you are ready and only when you're ready. Just remember when you do you'll feel so much better and be so much happier. It's like a huge weight is lifted from your shoulders. Feel free to reach out to me If you guys have any questions or if you think I can help in any way shape or form.

(also sorry if this sound like mumbling. I am not the best writer and this is very raw)

:D (Big Grin) — Description
I Know that national coming out day was about 2 weeks ago but I decided to write this anyways. Hopefully it will help someone who is having similar struggles as I was having.
(I decided to add some of my artwork so you can see the timeline)

So first of all yes I'm gay. I became aware that I was "different" probably around the age of 12-13 (you know the age where your hormones decide to give you a big giant FUCK YOU) I know that people realize they're gay in different ways. This was a very confusing time in my life because in all honesty all the people that I had crushes on were girls but at the same time I was noticing the boys.

Moving on to high School I was having the same issue it's like my brain didn't know what it wanted. I kept thinking to myself "whats wrong with me? how can I like sally but also find mike attractive" I started to think maybe I'm gay. It's sad to say and admit but I didn't want accept it. I was already being heavenly bullied and being called a fag (lets face it I'm not the manliest of men). I didn't want to prove those people right. I came to the conclusion that I was bi. It made sense in my head I have female crushes but I also like men. So since I thought I was bi I thought it would be easy to just date women and and be "normal"

(2005-2012) Nothing really change in the college years except for the part where I started dating. And yes it was awkward. fast forward a couple of years and I met a really cool girl on youtube and we became really good friends. Fast forward a couple of more years and me and her started to date. And for a time everything was "normal" and good but deep down I wasn't happy. First of all I wasn't being honest with myself (and yes i still found myself checking out guys) and my relationship was slowly dying. Its sad but it was as if I was expecting her to save me from my inner struggles. I was expecting her to make me "normal" and to make the gay go away. Long story short we broke up. I regret that relationship because It wasn't fair to her and I also destroyed a 5 year long friendship. Instead of making her my girlfriend I should of been honest with her and maybe she would of helped me and be the support system I needed and I would still have my awesome friend. (in case you're wondering No I never cheated)

I decided to just stay under the radar when it came to dating and relationships. I didn't want to accept a part of me and I decided staying single would be for the best. At least for now.

(2013-Present) Fast forward a year. One day I was called in for work I had a late shift 4-8p so I decide to go to the mall downtown and hang around for a bit before my shift. I got hungry and went to the food court I got my food and sat down. A couple of minutes later a guy sat in front of me. He started to make conversation and before he left he gave me his phone number. (funny thing is this guy had already given me his number back in 2011 but I never called him) Anyways I kinda liked him. I struggled to call him I really wanted but I knew that if I did my life was gonna change forever . It took about a week but I finally texted him. we would casually talk here and there but nothing serious. Around this time I started to feel very confused and lost for the first time in my life i wanted to pursue a possible relationship with a man. It's like I was throwing away my fears but at the same time they were holding me back. I started to feel like a caged bird. One day he texted me saying that he was in downtown and wanted to see if i wanted to hang out. Of course I said yes. We hung out just talked and walked around DTLA for several hours. We went to the train station and got in the elevator. As soon as the doors closed he pinned me against the wall and kissed me. THAT KISS FELT SO RIGHT . As soon as our lips touched all doubt about my sexuality became clear (sounds strange i know) I got home really late that night my mom was still up and she asked why I came in so late. I told her that I would tell her in the morning. I went to take a shower and I remember standing in front of the mirror and saying the words " I am gay" (it's funny but even though I was alone in the bathroom It was so hard to say those words. I struggled to say them. But when I did I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders) the next day i was having breakfast with my mom and i told her "So I'm dating someone." She said "oh congrats what's her name." I said "HIS name is Robbie." It caught her by surprise and she started to ask me questions. I am so lucky to have such an amazing mother. she said "you're my son and i'll love you no matter what. as long as you're happy that's all I care about." Me and Robbie started to date . And I fell in love with him. It was the most amazing time of my life. For the first time I didnt have to hide. I can be my true self. And I was so happy. I started coming out to my friends and co-workers and no one cared I was gay. . Sadly my relationship with Robbie came to an end. No matter what happened between me and him I will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart for him. He pulled me out of the closet. I am so grateful he came into my life because he showed me what its like to be free and nothing feels better than freedom. (also yes I do still find women beautiful and sexy I'm just not sexually attracted to them.)

(Now) Now that I'm out people notice a big change in my personality. I'm 1,000 times more out going and friendly. I was so quiet before people thought I was "special" lol. For the first time I can honestly say I'M HAPPY. and I'm ready to face the world and what ever it might bring. And yes i'm still looking for Mr. Right and hope to have a little family someday.

I still don't know why I had female crushes when I was younger. I did notice that the attraction was different when I looked at a girl it was more of an emotional attraction and when I looked at a guy I was a physical attraction. Since I do want to have a family in the future maybe I thought I could never have that with a guy. maybe I was just scared of coming out completely.

I wrote this because I want to potentially help someone that might be going through something similar. My biggest advise is come out when you are ready and only when you're ready. Just remember when you do you'll feel so much better and be so much happier. It's like a huge weight is lifted from your shoulders. Feel free to reach out to me If you guys have any questions or if you think I can help in any way shape or form.

(also sorry if this sound like mumbling. I am not the best writer and this is very raw)