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Chimes
Published: 2013-11-21 16:40:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 2467; Favourites: 108; Downloads: 0
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Description
A bird,and the edge of winter. There are no signs.
I'm tired of this, the searing and the splitting,
metal on metal. I'm tired of myths. Won't you just be beside me,
be still? Let me picture you, just for a moment. Divine
concentration, that's all you take. Don't ask.
Living never felt natural.
But here we are, trying-
All for this one second,
this one flash of perfection. It's tricky
to be a person. I can never get the balance right,
and the seasons are a quilt,
heavy like a sand, damp
faces. Where is your voice, is it
beneath the soft song of the quiet? Your words,
did I make them?
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Comments: 25
It flows. Not sure how, but it flows, not like water, but like honey, or maybe blood and questions.
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That's a lovely comment, thank you!
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The ending is so wonderful. I really like "Living never felt natural." and "A bird,/and the edge of winter. There are no signs."
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so great to read a poem by you again!!
I personally like the cadence you have going on in the first few lines. Although I do agree that the poem gets more atmospheric and rich as it goes on, I think that is a lovely quality. If you read the first four lines out loud, I think they really work well. What may have tripped up glossolalias is the structure of those beginning lines, it makes them a bit clunky for the eye. I think the language is great though.
The last stanza is glorious!!!! It may be personal preference only, but to my eye the AND in the second line should be down on the line below. I'm not trying to nitpick, as I'm sure this is an early draft. Wonderful work!!!
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thanks!
that's given me a lot to think about-- i'll look at the structure again, thank you very much.
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you're very welcome!
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to be honest, this poem didn't draw me in immediately, but the last few lines are gorgeous, and your use of enjambment is addictive. your language is simple but remarkably powerful; if you wanted to change anything about this poem, i would suggest taking a look at the first few lines (they're dryer and you don't pick up a steady rhythm until about the fifth line), but it's absolutely beautiful as is.
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thanks for the feedback, that's a great help! i'll take another look at this <3
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ohhh wow.
the subtlety of this, the one side of the conversation, the uncertainty and quiet attempt at beauty. the sadness tangible, but pushed out.
this speaks to me really intensely in a way that's hard to articulate.
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thank you very much! this is such a gorgeous comment, <3
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jesus. this is so perfect. I relate to many of your lines. Being alive feels so strange. 
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dA missed you too. This snapshot is a beautiful capture.
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