Comments: 28
Disentariaki [2017-11-26 23:19:11 +0000 UTC]
Very much enjoyed this story, the transitions felt rather clever. I read some other comments about how the protagonist seemed unlikable(?) but I was rather fond of her throughout. Really love the ending, I eat cute shit like that up. All in all a rather good story. Bravo.
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ZhermanZays In reply to Disentariaki [2017-11-27 00:09:31 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I appreciate the positive feedback!
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Gurgle-Glorp [2017-04-05 05:25:36 +0000 UTC]
'Twas an okay story, methinks. Really loved the descriptions, the stuffing sequence is among the best I've ever read (And it made me feel super inadequate regarding my own writing, hee hee), and the faux movie was quite honestly very entertaining.
But I'm gonna have to admit that despite the fact that I should have felt bad for her... I really didn't like the protagonist. At all. She kinda came across as self-important and a tad narcissistic, and while the designated douchebag could have standed to word his complaints in a less inflammatory fashion, he wasn't wrong to call her out on causing a racket and making lots of unnecessary noises during the film. And her rant before storming out... gah. It really fell flat with me.
I dunno, I liked the story but the character didn't have the greatest of personalities and in general kinda reminded me of one too many "HAES" types I've seen on the internet. I just hope this doesn't make you mad because I liked the story overall.
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ZhermanZays In reply to Gurgle-Glorp [2017-04-05 05:32:39 +0000 UTC]
Heh, the funny thing is, I wanted to make this character as unlikeable as possible. I was trying to base her off of a torrent of narcissistic Tumblr posts from a person who complained about the body shape of women always being criticized, despite the fact that they themselves had an absolutely perfect body. (She was a woman, so I have no idea why I called her a "they".) So Mallory's kind of an anti-hero in that way; she has a decent message but does some of the most misguided things to execute it.
Also, how did this make you feel inadequate? I've read "Mercy Me, How Tasty!" That's the kind of shit I wish I could write.
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joey101r In reply to ZhermanZays [2017-08-15 10:24:32 +0000 UTC]
She was unlikeable? Sure her outburst seemed kind of.... dumb seeing as she was basically telling them that they should start screaming at her at the start of the movie instead of the end, but i dont see how she was unlikeable, cool story btw, would love to see a part 2 but its all up to u mista writer.
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ZhermanZays In reply to joey101r [2017-08-15 17:10:18 +0000 UTC]
OK, so maybe unlikeable isn't the best term to describe her. I'd say words like misguided or arrogant would work better.
And, uh, I don't really think this is a story I could write a sequel to considering it may very well be my longest story to date. I spent a CRAPTON of time on this.
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joey101r In reply to ZhermanZays [2017-08-16 05:32:07 +0000 UTC]
Oh i get her now, but i get the whole sequel ordeal, kudos to doing all this on your phone, impressive stuff.
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ZhermanZays In reply to joey101r [2017-08-16 06:28:13 +0000 UTC]
Thanks; writing with the phone wasn't easy at all.
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ZhermanZays In reply to Gurgle-Glorp [2017-04-05 20:44:26 +0000 UTC]
Well, thanks for the positive feedback on the character. I guess I should've made that more clear in the description or something.
As for the whole "suck-up" thing, well, I think most good writers view other good writers as superior writers. Just like artists, everyone has their own unique style to envy.
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Borin23 [2017-04-03 13:13:00 +0000 UTC]
I really liked this story, from the descriptions and of course Mallory herself, and also the bits switching back and forth between her eating and what was happening in the actual movie at the time, and the ending was sweet as well. You did really good! And you wrote this on a phone? I don't know how I would have even been able to stand that.
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ZhermanZays In reply to Borin23 [2017-04-04 03:15:43 +0000 UTC]
Writing this was one of the most tedious labors of love I think I've ever been put through (and I'm in a relationship, nyuk nyuk). I was doing so on an Android Moto G, which is SUPER crappy compared to much newer phones like the iPhone 7. It was painful just to type, which was why I limited my typing periods to 1 hour a day.
But thank you for appreciating the bits between the movie and real life. The transitions between those two different dimensions felt particularly difficult to write without messing up. I'll probably go over all the segments related to the movie in bold, just to make it easier to discern what is actually happening and what's just going on in the film.
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Borin23 In reply to ZhermanZays [2017-04-04 12:36:37 +0000 UTC]
Why did you write it on a phone instead? As part of some kind of challenge?
That might be able to help, actually, if you do do that
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ZhermanZays In reply to Borin23 [2017-04-04 17:53:54 +0000 UTC]
No, because my laptop was undergoing repairs.
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Borin23 In reply to ZhermanZays [2017-04-04 18:04:25 +0000 UTC]
Well good on you for putting up with typing on a phone for the sake of the story
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ZhermanZays In reply to Borin23 [2017-04-04 18:13:49 +0000 UTC]
Ugh, don't mention it. It hurt my thumbs...
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Borin23 In reply to ZhermanZays [2017-04-04 22:52:11 +0000 UTC]
Well I hope that it did turn out worthwhile in the end for you
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firemajor12567 [2017-04-03 12:18:56 +0000 UTC]
Well done, (claps in approval) I was thoroughly entertained as usual. I would tell a movie pun...but I'm lazy so....maybe another time. (Also something to ask, which story do you feel is your best currently? Or you feel like you can't choose?)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ZhermanZays In reply to firemajor12567 [2017-04-03 13:02:22 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for sparing the comment section of a potential terrible pun.
(Which one do I feel is my best at the moment? Well, because of how much work I put into it, I'd say this one.)
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firemajor12567 In reply to ZhermanZays [2017-04-03 13:34:27 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome, my laziness has saved lives.
(I mean, if I was working on something for 3 weeks, I would be pretty happy about it also. My favorite is your elastic girl one cause it was the story that introduced me to your work plus I'm a fan of elastic women so it's two for the price of one lol.)
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ZhermanZays In reply to firemajor12567 [2017-04-04 03:17:32 +0000 UTC]
It certainly saved mine. I probably would've hung myself if you made an awful pun.
...OK, that was too extreme, even for me.
(Oh, you mean the Stretch Girl Chronicles? Yeah, that was a fun little miniseries I did for the hell of it, not really expecting it to gain much applause. I'm super glad you enjoyed it, though.)
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firemajor12567 In reply to ZhermanZays [2017-04-04 10:15:05 +0000 UTC]
Lol, I think that just shows I made the right call then.
(Yeah, that was a really good series, but I'm also into your more recent stuff, especially the soup one, I really liked that one.)
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ZhermanZays In reply to firemajor12567 [2017-04-04 17:55:18 +0000 UTC]
A lot of people seemed to have liked "the soup one".
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MrSoupCan [2017-04-03 11:59:32 +0000 UTC]
A few grammatical errors here and there, but hey, definitely was a pretty "filling" story. Great work!
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ZhermanZays In reply to MrSoupCan [2017-04-03 13:01:29 +0000 UTC]
Grammatical errors? Funny, I normally check these stories to see if they don't have any errors. Then again, I wrote the last parts of this in the middle of the night, when I was super tired.
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ZhermanZays In reply to ZhermanZays [2017-04-04 04:06:28 +0000 UTC]
Never mind, I just edited everything. MAN, I didn't think there were that many problems.
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