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~Frank's POV~

There is no coherent words that could describe how I feel right now. I mean..Gerard, just showing up at my doorstep, after all these years? It was a suprise, to say the least. And I knew that if I went any longer without seeing him, things were going to be ending badly. It just felt like..the grip that's been on my heart all this time, just disappeared.

After my dad died, I wasn't sure what to do. It was just making me think things..things I never wanted to come back to mind. Not to mention how lost I was, and I already felt left behind that last day I saw Gerard. But it seems now I can start catching up on life.

Gerard stayed the night at my house. We would mostly just sit or lay in silence, or maybe a conversation would just spring up and it made me feel..happy again. I was smiling again, laughing. And he was as well. Something I could tell he hadn't done for a long time. Seems for the both of us, we weren't able to be happy when we were apart.

I woke up the next morning, finding myself in the same position I fell asleep in; Gerard having an arm draped around me, my back to him. As carefully as I could, I moved his arm off me as to not wake him up. After I got up, I turned back to look and make sure he hadn't be unsettled. When I saw he was still asleep, I made my way quietly downstairs.

On the way down, I couldn't help but notice the look of innocence on his face when he was sleeping. While concious, he just seemed so frayed, stressed. It was good to see him at peace, even if only for a few hours. It made me wonder if that's what he saw when I was asleep..

"You're awake early this morning.." My mom said to me, drinking her coffee in the kitchen. She was dressed, ready to leave for work any minute. I walked over to her and hugged her, smiling big for her. "And you seem very happy too.. Any reason for the sudden change of mood?" She asked, trying to be nice about it. I could feel her eyes on me as I went to make coffee for myself. How could I explain it to her?

"I'm happy, I guess." I said, shrugging. She gave me a look of disbelief, which wasn't strange at all. I wasn't that good at lying, even though I've been trying to for years. "You guess? Frank, I'm your mother. Even before you could talk, you were a horrible liar. What's happened?" she said. That's my mom for you, blunt but caring.

"Last night..Gerard showed up, out of the blue. Crazy, right? Anyways, we were catching up most of the night, and he's staying in town." I explained, letting out a huge breath. I had a habit of talking fast when I was nervous. Before, my mother looked at me like I grew another head. Now, it was more of a look of concern.

I could bet that I knew what she was going to say.. "Frank, this is the same one..the one who moved, and you never heard from again?" she asked. Well, looks like I didn't know. "Yes, it's the same.." I answered, not sure where she was going with this. She still looked concerned, and asked me, "Are you sure you want to be with him again? You remember what he did to you?"

After she said that, I made it look like I was trying to scratch at my chest. When I was really trying to get rid of the burning feeling in my chest. My heart remembered what he did, but I tried to force my brain to forget. Too bad the two of them think differently.

"Yes, I remember Mom. And yes, I want to be with him again. He told me he'd leave school and stay here, for me." I told her, trying not to show any weakness. But her being my mom, somehow she always knew when something was wrong. She stepped towards me and held a hand on my face with care.

She looked me in the eye a few moments before saying, "I just don't want to see you hurt again." Then, she kissed my other cheek and headed out for work. I stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. I was trying to think about what she told me, and what Gerard told me. She told me to be careful, and Gerard told me he would never leave again. She had my best interests at heart, but this one time, I decided what was right for me.

I hadn't heard the footsteps on the staircase, so I was a bit startled when I saw Gerard step into the kitchen. While trying to keep it concealed, he walked up to me and gave me a quick kiss. I smiled and asked, "Sleep well, I'm guessing?" Bed head was normal for him, any time of day, but first thing in the morning, it seemed more cute to me in a way.

He was searching for a cup, in the same spot as when he used to come here. His love for coffee was amazing to me; it was like something he couldn't live without. He then turned and said, "Of course. I didn't even feel you get up." Well after years of living with silence, I thought, you learn how to make the rest of your body silent as well.

"Just me being careful. I wanted to let you sleep." I told him, walking out of the room. In my room, I wanted to retrieve my phone before he saw anything on there. All the time he was gone, I had seen Carolyn pop up at least 4 times over the years.

She always tried to convince me that Gerard was never coming back, and I should be with her. But after what she did right before Gerard moved, I couldn't forgive her for doing that. She also told me that I 'should have got over that by now, it was childish'. Too bad after that, she never grew up and stopped doing childish things.

Not to mention the fact that the 4th time she showed up, she said it was going to be the last time. But to her, that didn't mean to stop trying. Carolyn would send me constant texts, leave me voicemails, and they all pretty much said the same thing. That I have to stop ignoring her, talk things over, see if anything happens. But I never gave her the chance.

As I stepped into the foyer, I heard a quiet knock at the door. I wondered if I should ignore it, turn and run up the stairs. Of course I would feel guilty if I ignored it, so I hopped off the stair and went to answer the door. But this one time, I should've followed my first thought and just ignored it.

"Carolyn, what are you doing here?!" I hissed. She hadn't changed much since I met her; the color of her hair was now a neon red and she chopped most of it off. Still a bitch, can't forget that. I used to think her accent was cute, now hearing it makes me want to flip shit, because I know it's hers.

"Because, I've had enough of you ignoring my messages. We need to talk." she said with an arrogant tone. "You can't BE here right now!" I yelled in a hushed whisper. She looked at me strange, then an evil smile broke out on her face. "Why, is someone here? Someone you don't want me seeing?" she asked.

I knew that tone; she was coming up with another plan. She did it once before..my mom was home and I was yelling and when she came in the room, she claimed I threatened to hit her. So needless to say I told her to Fuck Off and never show up again. My mother believed me, thankfully.

"I'm serious, you need to leave!" I said in a normal voice, looking over my shoulder to make sure Gerard didn't walk in. I tried to make my anger show through in my words. She only pushed further. And I knew I wouldn't get her away without a fight. Not physical, but with words. I usually won that way.

Suddenly, her mood changed. She went from having the evil smile, to looking crushed. "Why would you say that?" she asked, sounding like she was going to cry. I shook my head, bewildered. "Are you crazy or something? Because, I don't want you here." I told her. All I hoped was that Gerard didn't walk in at the worst possible moment.

"But, at one time..You did want me here." she said, voice breaking. I felt my eyes go huge at what she was doing right now. "Yeah, that was years ago! Before you tried to ruin the one good thing in my life." I said, lowering my voice to a whisper once again. Now, she was letting the tears spill. At the moment, I wasn't able to tell whether it was real or pretend.

"You said you loved me, while you were with him. You said you would always love me." she told me through the crying. A guilty feeling started to build up in my stomach, but I tried my best to try and ignore it. "So are you s-saying..it was all a lie? You never loved me?" she asked. I watched the makeup run down her face and it was getting harder to ignore the guilt.

"No, it wasn't a lie. I did love you. And part of me still does, but--" At that moment, I heard a cup hit the floor and shatter. "Frank, how could you..?" I heard somewhere behind me. Always, I had the shittiest luck. Why did he have to walk in now? Why couldn't he have done it, before she went into hysterics?

I turned around and saw Gerard watching, the broken cup a result of him dropping it. Not to mention the look that was on his face.. It all started to feel like the night before he left; Carolyn shows up, Gerard walks in, I'm screwed. Now it made sense why Carolyn had suddenly switched moods! She planned it, again! I could murder her, I'm not kidding.

As I took a few steps toward him, he took a few steps back, shaking his head. "Her.. And you.. Why..?" Gerard tried to ask, looking like he would start crying as well. "Listen, Gee, this can be explained." I said, using an old nickname to try and get him to calm down. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't going to work.

"You can't be trusted..you know that?" he said, backing into the kitchen. He was still aware of the backdoor, and I knew that's where he was heading. When I tried to walk closer again, he turned and ran out the door. I picked up my pace and ran to the back door. It seemed to always amaze me, how fast he could run. He was already two houses down when he stopped to yell, "I was going to stay for you! You can forget it!"

And just like that, he turned the corner and disappeared. I was in shock for a moment, but slammed the door when I focused again and went back to confront Carolyn. There she was, still standing in the doorway, a smug grin on her face. I should've known she was planning something like that.

"Are you happy now?! I'll be lucky if I can find him now!" I yelled at her. Her facial expression didn't change a bit. She still smiled, while I wanted to smack that grin off her fact. "Yes, I am. I knew who it was when you wouldn't tell me who was here. Now, we can talk." she said, matter-of-factly.

"No, now, I could kick your ass for what you've done. And I really can't care less that you are a girl. If you're still here when I come back, I'm calling the cops!" I told her, yelling the bit about the cops as I pushed her out of my way and slammed the front door. I knew she stood there a few moments longer, then stalked off. While running, I realized I wasn't bluffing. It'd be lucky if I could find him.

Knowing I might lose him for good, I swear I could hear my heart murmur: I Can't Breathe..
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

After going to his old house, then back to the old park I'd mentioned to him, I didn't know where else to look. I couldn't call anybody, because to everyone else he didn't even live here anymore. I was one of the few people who even knew he was here. His parents and Mikey probably still think he's at school.

Mikey. I could call him. Maybe he'd heard from Gerard. I made my way back to the house, just wondering how I was able to hurt the people I love time and time again. And two out of the three times, Carolyn was part of the equation. I consider the last day I saw him and the two times with Carolyn each a time I hurt him. I just hoped this would be the last time..

A number I've dialed so many times, I put in Mikey's number and hoped to God he'd have some way to help me. "Frank? What's up?" I heard Mikey ask after three rings. "Mikes, hey! You heard from your brother?" I asked, out of breath. Running was one of the last thing I did anymore, so now I felt really out of shape.

"Uhh noo..I thought he was visiting Ray for the week.. Why?" Mikey said, confused. I was partly happy that at least he knew Gerard was here. I explained to him how he showed up at my door, the bit with Carolyn, and how he just ran off. Holy shit, Frank! Where did he go?" Mikey asked, surprised.

I pulled the phone away a bit and stared at it. I pulled it back to me and said, "I wouldn't be calling you if I knew. My ass would be talking him down right now. I'm guessing you didn't hear from him?" I loved Mikey like a brother, but he knew how to be really dense sometimes..

"Oh!..Sorry, no I didn't. I swear if I do, I'll call the cell." Mikey told me. We said goodbye then I threw the house phone at the couch in frustration. More frustrated at myself then anything else. Somehow, I keep ending up in the same situations, and it's always because of what I've done. And Carolyn, but that's a name I'd like to forget.

After a few minutes of pacing, I heard ringing coming from the couch. I dug the phone out of the cushions and answered. "Uhm, Frank?" a familiar voice said. Why did I know that voice..? "I don't know if you remember me but it's Ray.. Just calling to let you know Gerard showed up back at my house." He said.

I figured it was Ray! I swear Gerard mentioned that's who he was staying with before.. "He is there? Oh good! If it doesn't look like he's going anywhere, I'll be there as quick as I can. If he tries to leave..hold him for me?" I asked in a rush, making my way back at the door. He agreed and I hung up, putting the phone on the reciever and slaming the front door behind me.

It'd been a while since I even looked up that address but at this moment I remember exactly where he lived. Once again I felt completely out of shape when I showed up at his doorstep, trying desperately to catch my breath. I stood myself up straight and knocked on the door. It was answered quickly by a nervous looking Ray.

"Where is he?" I asked, still panting. He sort of pulled me by the wrist inside and pointed me in the direction of where he was hiding. As quietly as I could I walked over to spare bedroom and opened the door. The curtains were drawn and there was no light in the room. It reminded me of the night before he left..

"Get out." Gerard said in a monotone. In the dark I could see his outline curled up on the bed. "I came here to talk to you. And I'm not leaving til I get that chance." I told him. He made a noise of dissaproval but mumbled, "Shut the door." I took that as a sign he was going to let me talk.

"Why do I feel like we've been through this before.." He asked, though it sounded like he didn't want me to respond to that. To the best of my ability, I made my way over to the bed and sat somewhat next to him, but his back was to me. "You didn't hear the whole arguement I had with her. It was all bad timing." I told him.

Everything in me hoped he was going to believe me.