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I couldn't help noticing the way Frank just seemed to be moping everywhere, like he was always so depressed. I was here, so what was he still so sad about? "Frank, you gotta tell me, if you're hiding something.. I don't want to be left in the dark." I told him, trying to be nice about it.

Something in him short-circuited, and he looked up at me seeming mad and said, "Just like the way you left me in the dark? Never tried to contact me, not once? I always asked Mikey to let me talk to you, but you never asked for me. What's that about?" Somewhere inbetween the time we've been apart, he grew nerve. Or he was just getting defensive about something.

But nevertheless, he still caught me off guard. "Frank, I..always, I wanted to talk to you.. But it was just.." I attempted to say, though I couldn't get a full sentence out. What did I tell him? He was right; I never did ask for him, I always just sat back and waited for this kind of day to come along. "It was just what, Gerard?" he asked, rather impatient.

I shifted away from him a bit, now rather uncomfortable. With my eyes on my lap, I told him, "It'd hurt too much." For a moment, Frank was silent. I merely heard him let out a huge sigh. "I still tried to talk to you, live off of those few moments we got to speak.." he started, "and get through the pain later." I said the same time as him. He looked at me, a bit confused. "You don't think I put no thought into it, did you? Of course I did..Too many things hurt me nowadays.." I sighed, my mind wandering.

It was a bit too easy for me to lose focus, so I had to force my mind back to the conversation. "Gee, look.." Frank said, shifting closer to me, "I'm sorry for lashing out at you..I shouldn't have done that." In the back of my mind I said to myself, Yeah, you really shouldn't have. "You're just upset, I guess I understand.." I told him, not so sure what to say.

"Gee, look at me." The statement was so simple, he said it so quietly..yet he was forceful about it in his own way. I slowly but carefully looked up at him. His eyes were full of regret, sadness.. I also hated to notice that there was that spark of innocence that wasn't there anymore. It made me wonder what happened to him that made him so unhappy..

"Don't start trying to feel bad for me yelling at you, okay? I just didn't want to tell you because.. it happened while you weren't here, but.." Frank said, his voice catching at the end. He seemed unable to finish his sentence. To try and make him feel more at ease, more comfortable, I signalled for him to come over and sit on my lap. I pulled him over while he adjusted himself, resting his head on my chest and me putting mine gently on top of his.

"My dad died 3 weeks ago. His funeral was...was last week." he told me, with much difficulty. When we were young, he wasn't always one to show vulnerability, but now it seemed he was at his weakest. "Oh, Frank.." I breathed, shocked at his news. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him close. He responded, clutching his arms around me while burying his face in my chest.

"It made me feel..s-so weak..." he murmured into my chest. Right then I could feel him beginning to shake beneath me. I hated knowing he was crying, it was when you knew he really couldn't handle things anymore. Sort of like a last resort, feelings-wise. "Don't worry about it, I'm here now.." I said quietly, trying to comfort him. In the silence, all I could here was his muffled crying.

"You're h-here now..But y-you won't be f-f-forever." Frank said, picking his head up. "Don't l-leave me again, pleasee.." He said, hardly keep a sentence out without his voice cracking here and there. I looked down at him, lost for words. The eyeliner he had left on had been completely wiped away and his eyes were red, still crying.

I put my hands on either side of his face, using my thumbs to wipe at his face gently as I could. Staring into his eyes, I knew I could never leave again. I would have to stop going to school, or it would just get in the way. Without thinking, I closed my eyes and just kissed him. There was no effort to it; he responded immediately and relaxed, his hands curling around my neck. God knows how much I missed being able to do this..

He pulled away just before I did, left breathless than when he was crying. "That was me saying... I promise you, I won't leave you again. I'm right here, and I always will be." I told him. As soon as I finished speaking, I saw a smile break out on his face, despite how sad he looked. For a moment I wasn't sure what he was going to do, then I felt him wrap his arms around me and hugged me as tight as he could.

As I hugged him back, in the back of my mind I couldn't help thinking about what my parents would say, what Mikey would say.. His opinion was what mattered most to me besides Frank. I also had something else on my mind, completely irrelevant; ever get the feeling you just fit perfectly with someone? They're the one you'll always feel comfortable being close with, and no one else.

"I almost forgot, you'd have to drop out to stay..You would do that for me?" he asked, releasing his grip on me. I saw uncertainty in his eyes, and knew I could never break this promise to him. The consequences for the both of us could be horrible. "Told you I won't leave you again, and I meant it. I'll have get most of my stuff here..My parents.." I said, trailing off.

Now that I thought about it, I realized this would be harder than I thought it would be. I still had almost all my possesions at school, in which I would have to figure out how to get some of it home and the rest to come back here with me. Also how I would somehow have to run this over with my parents and get them to agree. Not to mention what Mikey would think of this sudden decision.

"You're giving up a lot for me, ya know..." Frank said, breaking me from my thoughts. I looked down at him and he was just staring down at his fidgiting hands. He thinks that I'm going to leave him on his own again..for school? Something I can always go back to? It was the beginning of October, I could make up lost time at another school close to him. It was hard to shape my life around him.

"Frank, listen to me," I told him, turning his face towards mine, "I realize what I'm giving up.. But I would give up anything for you, even my own life." I continued, voice going low. It had become hard for me to admit how I really felt to anyone. Not to mention the fact it had been such a long time since anyone made me say it.

Without warning, he got up off my lap and went to sit at the top of his bed. His legs curled up to his chest and he wrapped his arms around his legs. I got up and went to sit next to him. I wasn't going to make him say anything, I would just wait until he was ready.

"Can we not..talk about death for awhile?" He asked, fighting to keep his voice steady. I watched him slightly rock back and forth. I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him, which he did. "I'm sorry, I won't anymore." I told him and pulled at his hands to let go of the tight grip he had on his hands. He released them and went to lying down on the bed, curling up.

I pushed myself down so once again we were face-to-face and just watched him silently. He had his eyes closed, every few seconds biting his lip as if to stop himself from doing something. I wasn't sure what was going on in his head, and I was afraid suddenly doing something my startle him.

"Is this what you do, you know..when you get upset?" I asked him, keeping my voice at a whisper. He opened his eyes and it seemed like he was in pain. "Yes. And it works for me. I fight it off in my head, and wait until the memory goes away, no matter how painful." he told me. For the boy I knew, he did something so stupid so he didn't have to relive the pain.

"You know you can let it out.. It's just me." I told him, trying to sound gentle. He looked at me as if I was missing something. "I know it's you, but I'm afraid at any second..I'll wake up from a dream, and you'll be gone. Just like every one of my dreams you show up in.." he said, shutting his eyes again. His face now seemed strained, and I couldn't stand to see it anymore.

"Frankie..come here.." I said under my breath, knowing he'd hear me. He opened his eyes slightly and shifted himself closer to me and I put my arm around him. He did the same to me, and turned his head so he was once more leaned against my chest. I rested my chin atop of his head and traced random shapes on his back.

After a few minutes of laying in silence, Frank said to me, "I love you, Gerard." I felt myself grin slightly when I heard him say that. I knew after the evening and conversation we've been having, it was hard for him to even admit that to himself. I only knew because it was still hard for me to say as well.

I whispered into the dark, "I love you too, Frank. I always have.."