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During the entire trip over to my old town, which sadly wasn't that far away, my mind kept reminding me how much of a stupid idea it was to be going back. Everything told me it was a bad idea, but maybe I was going back on purpose, so I could just see him one more time.

Something in me always told me that Frank was still alive and I believed it. I just started to not believe that I would ever get to spend time with him again. The last time I had ever seen him, I wasn't much different than I am right now; I had been crying, a wreck, but that time I had Frank there to comfort me.

Oh hell, I admit it: I need my Frankie. I hadn't called him that, even in my thoughts, in a long time. But when I admitted it to myself, something in chest eased just a bit. Like I'd been lying to myself for so long. Knowing I was going to be only a short distance from him didn't scare me so much anymore.

I got off the train that took me only 20 minutes away from Belleville, which was a walk I could manage. It gave me that much more time to think about what I would do and say if I came across Frank while I was here. I was going to be staying with an old high school friend while I was here.

I hadn't talked to him in a few months, but my friend Ray said he'd be happy to let me stay when I called him up. He knew the type of person I was and he wasn't offended by the fact that it'd been so long since we talked and then I just asked if I could stay with him for 9 days.

Once I came to stay with Ray, he knew right away I wans't going to do much socializing. I was never all that social but now I guess I was more anit-social than ever. I talked to him everyone once in a while, but I tried to keep my distance more than anything.

One the second day of me being there, moping and doing nothing but drawing, Ray sat me down to try and figure out why I was being so silent and distant. I didn't want to tell him, but I figured that I might as well tell him.

"Why are you here?" Ray bluntly asked. I brought my gaze up from my drawing pad and he showed no sign of kidding. "Because..I wanted to see home. Get out of school." I told him. He looked at me as if he didn't believe a word I said.

"Look, I remember the whole deal and what went down with you and Frank. I think you came home to see him." he said, matter-of-factly. I didn't expect him to say that, so I just stared at him, mouth slightly open.

Ray shook his head and told me, "Don't even pretend that's not the reason why. Just go and see him." I blinked a few times, taking in what he told me. Even before I came here, I tried to tell myself that wasn't the reason why I came down here.

"I wanna go..But-" "But what, Gerard? Didn't you guys make a promise you'd see each other again? Why not hold up your end of the promise?" Ray asked, cutting me off. After each question, my mind was recoiling, not wanting to believe what he said. It made me doubt all the thing I've tried to tell myself.

This time I couldn't keep eye contact and dropped my head. While looking at my lap I said quietly, "It'll hurt too much to say goodbye. Again.." I heard him stand up and then he put a hand on my shoulder. "Do what you want to. But don't forget; he's out there, waiting to see you too." Ray said, then leaving the room.

Every single thing he told me, he called me out on, he was right. I never forgot about the promise, I came here to see him, and I'd get it done while I was still here. In fact, to get it over with, I'd do it today. It was still a Sunday, so if he was in school, I really doubt he would have a class.

I wondered if he even would want to see me after all this time. Mikey and him talked, and I was pretty sure he was asking Mikey about me once in a while. Maybe he would, but I wouldn't know until I actually went and saw him with my own eyes. Just one more time.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

My day to do nothing, and I was going to do something I'd been so..scared, to do. Scared, and worried about what would happen if I showed up on his doorstep, being suddenly thrown back into his life. And then taken out again, just like that.

Even if I somehow lost half the use of my brain, I still would never be able to forget where Frank's house was. The nights I would sneak out, spend time together, and steal kisses throughout the night.. The more I thought about old times, a feeling in my chest began to hurt, my eyes beginning to sting.

I stopped walking a moment to lean against a building and calm myself down. I hugged myself, clutching my hands to my sides. I felt as if my chest was burning, in pain, and my heart just throbbing in pain. Closing my eyes, images flew through my head. The first time we kissed..the first night we spent together..first time he said I Love You with his own voice.. It hurt so much to remember.

It took me effort for me to push myself up and keep moving. It had been a long time since memories had that much effect on me. I stood still a moment and tried to collect myself. An odd sensation, a familiar sensation, and familiar as well, went through my head. And I knew what would be happening next.

When I began to start walking again, and my illusion, hallucination, was back once again. He always looked the same as the last day I saw him. This time, he..or it, I'm still not sure, took my head and held it, smiling up at me. Sadly, my hallucination stayed the same height as that day as well.

Things will get better. The voice that came from the hallucunation was eerily the same as Frank's, except a little more empty. He smiled one last time, waved at me, then completely disappeared. That would be the last time he ever came around.

Maybe it was a sign of things getting better..