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"Gerard, call me back, please? I need to talk to you. I'm so sorry.." That was the latest message I left for Gerard. By now, I had to at least leave 5 voicemails and texted him countless times, but he didn't return a single message.

I even went to his house not too long after the whole..mishap, a little while ago. Mikey answered, not too happy to see me, and told me that Gerard didn't want to see him. I begged for him to let me in, and he told me that I didn't deserve to see him after what I've done.

After doors slammed in my face, unanswered texts and voicemails, I was getting desperate. MIkey was already not too happy with me, and this didn't help anything. I should've stopped this all from happening a long time ago. But of course not, stupid me.

This is all my fault, I know it. Don't try to deny it. I wrote to Carolyn. She and her parents got a hotel room nearby, just the night, so we could talk this whole thing out. I was going to blame myself, mostly because it was. I should've stopped Carolyn, shouldn't have told her I loved her. I should've done alot.

You need to stop blaming yourself, you know that? Things just happen. She wrote back. I wrote back rather fast:   It IS my fault, so stop. Y'know, just come over here in a little while. After that, I didn't even respond to anything she sent me. This all needed to end and soon.

Within a half hour, Carolyn was at my door. I opened the door, hugged her quick, and let her inside. She sat on the couch and just to be safe, I sat in the chair opposite her. She wouldn't look me in the eye, which I didn't think much of at the moment.

"What'd you want to talk about?" Carolyn asked. I had gottan so used to talking, that I had completely taken off that talking piece on my wrist. For some reason, my mom was pissed about me taking it off but also happy that she could hear me talk.

"You know, what happened yesterday." I told her, "It's my fault, end of story. And now, Gerard won't even talk to me." I continued, looking down at my lap. I heard a scoff-type noise come from Carolyn, which had surprised me, to say the least.

I looked up at her and she was standing, hands on her hips, looking rather annoyed. "I am so tired of hearing about Gerard. I mean, seriously, you always talk about him. And you should be loving me, not him!" she told me. I sat there a moment, letting it sink in, then I slowly stood up.

"..Excuse me?" I asked in disbelief. She was the last person I expected to be so..evil and decieving. She rolled her eyes and told me, "You heard me! I saw Gerard coming through the front window, and that's when I kissed you. I wanted him to see." Her tone was sarcastic and hard.

I couldn't believe that this was happening right now. Grabbing hold of her wrist, I led her to the front door and opened. She looked at me and I told her, "Get out. Now, just get out. I never want to see you again. So much has gone wrong, and now I see, it's because of you. Just GO." And like that, she left.

She walked out that door and out of my life, forever. Thank goodness, I thought, the biggest stress in my life just left and now I never have to see her again. I admit, I did feel a small tug when I knew that I'd never be talking to her again. We had a bond, and now she severed it for good.

After Carolyn left, I paced a while, just thinking. Then I decided that once more, I should try to go over to Gerard's and try to apoligize to him. Even if he didn't want to see me, I still wanted to explain to him all the things that Carolyn just told me.

The walk to Gerard's was familiar and etched into my mind. It wasn't so far from my house, not that it mattered, but all the way there I was thinking about what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. I had a strong feeling if he answered, he'd slam the door in my face. If Mikey did..door slammed in my face.

Sooner than I was ready, I found myself and the bottom of the stairs up to their front door. I took my time walking up and knocked on the door as loud as I could. I turned and looked out to the street while I waited. A million thoughts were running through my head and I just wished my thoughts would shush up long enough for me to think.

I heard the door open behind me and as quick as I could, I turned to see who it was. The door was partly open and I barely saw Gerard's face on the other side. His face was even paler than usual. He was quick to shut the door, but I stuck my foot in the doorway to stop the door from closing.

"Just listen to me, please. I need a chance to explain." I said quietly. The pressure on the door released somewhat and I just barely heard Gerard say, "Explain what. I saw what I needed to see." His voice was cracked and broken, like he'd been crying. More guilt just dropped on my head knowing that.

"It wasn't me who started it. Please, just..let me in, a few minutes, just to explain." I told him, expecting no answer. After a few moments, he went back and opened the door, letting me in. He didn't let himself be seen as he opened the door. "My room." He whispered.

I walked up the stairs as Gerard closed the door and followed me up. After I walked inside Gerard's room, he shut and locked the door behind him. Him being careful as to me not seeing his face, he crossed the room and closed the curtains over his windows, making the room remarkably darker. He was doing everything he could so I didn't see his face.

He got on his bed, sat up near where the pillow should be and sat cross-legged, hugging the pillow to his chest. His head sat atop the pillow and I guess he was used to the dark, so he could look at me easily. From what I could see, he was looking at me, only I couldn't see him.

"Go, talk." he said under his breath. I took a big sigh and tried to get out what I planned to say. "Okay, well.. First, I asked Carolyn to come over, first time meeting. We talked awhile, caught up, and we got to a weird subject.. I don't remember what was said next, but she told me she saw you coming, 'kay? And then she said she only did it cuz she saw you.. She planned it." I explained.

I hadn't realized how fast I was talking; I was out of breath when I finished talking. It was silent after I finished, though I wasn't sure for how long. It could have been minutes, seconds, even an hour or so, time in silence seemed to drag on. All I could feel was his eyes boring into me.

When I listened closely, I could hear the sniffling sounds coming from him. Just perfect, he was crying once again. "She..she did it on purpose?" he asked. I had been sitting on the opposite end of the bed, but moved closer so I was sitting right in front of him. "Yes, she did. After I knew you where there..It ruined me." I told him, shaking my head at the thought.

I could see him bury his face in the pillow and heard muffled cries from the pillow. I could also see his body slightly shaking. Slowly, I put my hands on the pillow, lifted it, and put it to the side. Immediatley after, I reached out and wrapped my arms around him. He didn't hesitate and hugged me close, now burying his face in my neck.

His sobs were silent but they still cut through him, making him shake. I let him cry as long as he needed to, not disturbing him once. I merely petted him, for lack of a better term, and rocked him back and forth slightly. I pulled him a bit and motioned for him to sit with his legs hanging off the bed.

I did the same and he put his head on my shoulder. I let mine rest against his and he sniffled every once in a while, knowing he was finished crying. "Hold on just a moment, please.." I whispered, then went to his window and opened a curtain. I went back to Gerard and saw him turn his face away from the light.

Hesitantly, I sat down next to him once again and as I looked down to his turned head, I tried to gently turn his face towards me. When his face came to view and he looked me in the eye, his face was pale as usual, but his eyes had darkening circles underneath them, and his eyes were red and slightly puffy from crying.

I watched him sit up straight, my hand falling from his face and almost the same as I did, he put his hand to my face and slowly turned it towards him. As I stared into his eyes, I could see many things. One was his pain and saddness, that was apparent, but there was also..affection. Feelings he still had for me..

"You don't love me anymore, right?" I asked quietly. I watched him, scared about what he might say. A small grin appeared on his face, and this gesture actually reached his eyes.  "Who said I ever stopped? I was more upset that I couldn't get over you, even after what I'd seen." he said, voice shaky.

I tried to make it so he wouldn't begin crying again. At the same time, I felt myself start to smile as well, and it was so easy to do around him.  Just like he used to, he leaned in to kiss me. There was a spark there that I hadn't felt with Carolyn; he was the only one that could make me feel this way, and he knew it. The longer it lasted, the more I lost all sense of time.

For once, I was the one to pull up first, feeling more than a little out of breath, him as well. He put his arms aorund my waist and pulled at me, which I knew by now meant he wanted me on his lap. I did as he wanted and he enveloped me in a huge hug. My face was in his chest and I wrapped my arms around him.

I could stay that way forever, and not mind at all. But he brought something very important to mind: "What are we gonna do when I leave tomorrow..? We're going to Chicago, a very good distance away." I dropped my shoulders in defeat and pulled my face up.

At this moment, I realized I was beginning to make a very grown-up decision. "Gerard, I think.. While you're gone, we don't continue this. We wait 'til our chance comes again where we can be closer to each other, on a daily basis. It may be years, but I'm willing to wait... Are you?" I said, asking my last question very quietly.

I felt Gerard freeze for a moment and then he looked down at me with sad eyes. "It'll be hard for both of us, but yes, I am willing. So I guess this is..goodbye?" he asked, voice shaky again. I freed a hand and wiped his face gently when he began to cry.

"Goodbyes are for people who are never going to see each other again." I told him, "For us, it's a 'See you later'." I continued. Gerard relaxed into my hand when I left it on his face and told me, "Then, I guess..See you later, Frank. I love you, never let yourself forget that."

I pushed my face foward and pressed my lips to his quickly. Then I pulled away and with as much emotion as I could, I said to him, "See you later.. And I love you too, so very much." He smiled through the tears, kissing my forehead, then standing up. He led me to his door while holding his hand; when I got downstairs and to the front door, he forced himself to let go.

Forcing myself to smile through the lump I felt in my throat, I turned and left. The walk home was dark and silent. All I had was my thoughts and my emotions, which were the only thing that kept me going. Knowing Gerard still loved me and was willing to wait, I knew I was able to keep on living.

I just hadn't realized at that moment how long it would actually be before I ever saw Gerard again.