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You been avoiding me, Frank.. You gotta talk to me sometime. What's wrong? That was the message I got from Carolyn, first thing in the morning. The morning after that whole awkward situation with Gerard. Funny, I've heard that before; 'You gotta talk to me sometime.'

And to add, I still wasn't sure what I'd even tell her about what happened. I couldn't really explain it to myself. But I do know that if I had any sense, I'd know what to do about it by now.

But Carolyn was right: I had been avoiding her, since I heard her voicemail last night. And I had been good at not texting her back, until now. I just felt guilty, and it wasn't going to be any good if I just kept up the cold-shoulder act any longer.

I know, I have been and I'm sorry. Just..a lot on my mind. I wrote back to her. Even when we're in the same country--in the same state--and texting was still our first for of communication. I know, I couldn't very well talk, but still, it didn't have to be the only way we talked.

Wanna tell me about it? If you don't, that's okay. She wrote back. I could tell that she wanted to know, but wasn't gonna force me to tell her if I didn't want to. But in all honesty, I really needed to tell someone about it, and she was offering.

Well, me and Gerard weren't talking, but that was my fault. And he was happy we made up, we both were I wrote, squeezing as much as I could in with the letter amount allowed. He said I Love You to me and I couldn't say it back. And I don't know why. That was my second message.

While I waited for her to read and respond, I thought more about any reason why I couldn't say it back to Gerard. I did love him, I was pretty sure I didn't doubt that, but what stopping me from even typing a response? My mouth didn't always work, that didn't mean my hands didn't work as well.

I don't know how much I can help you there.. You don't know who you love? You feel guilty about something? That's all I can think of at the moment. She wrote back sometime later. I stared at her message, reading it over and over again, waiting for it to sink in.

Of course, I always feel guilty about something, even if it wasn't my fault.. But don't know who I love? To tell the truth, her question made me question myself. Did I really know, or did I just tell myself that? Lately, it seemed more like I was just saying that so I wouldn't have to face the complications.

Know what? I had an idea: Get a ride or something over here, I want you to come over. I'm ready to meet you and ton't tell mle otherwise. I wrote to her. After I hit 'Send', I realized just what I'd set in action.

And I only pushed it that much more further when the next message I sent to her was my street adress and city, telling her to get here as quick as she could. Maybe I just wasn't thinking, but now seemed as good a time as any.

So. I was going to meet Carolyn in just a short amount of time. It was a moment I've been waiting for, for a long time now. I just hoped that everything went over well. Luck or not, it better or that just about does it for me.

I didn't even get fazed, much less put into thought a text I got from Gerard. It said: We should hang out tonite, that ok? We need to spend some time together, and I got some..bad news. I'll stop by around 6. --G
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Instead of sitting and waiting, I paced my living room back and forth, waiting for Carolyn to show up. Just knowing the moment was coming anytime was making me crazy. I'd imagined meeting her for the longest time now. And now, I didn't have to imagine it anymore.

A quiet knock at the door made me jump slightly, being on edge. I quickly tried to calm myself down, which was unsuccessful, and went to go open the door. My hand rested on the doorknob, mentally preparing myself. Then again, I wouldn't know what was gonna happen, so I just opened the door.

Just like the picture on her messanger profile, only now she was standing in front of me; Carolyn with her bright white and red-orange hair, eyeliner, a colorful band tee and some Tripp pants, both slightly baggy. Oh, and she was shorter than me! Yes, I find that an accomplishment, me being 5 foot 5.

She had this curious look as she was timidly looking down at a picture in her hand, probably of me so she knew who she was looking for. And she looked up at me when she heard the front door open. A small smile combined with a hopeful look appeared on her face.

"Frank?" she asked quietly. There was her accent again.. I felt myself smile wide and nod quickly. It took me a moment to think about it before I hugged her. She must've been thinking the same thing because she was more than quick to hug me back. Feeling her this close..it was surreal. I didn't think this moment would come for a long time.

"To be honest, I was surprised when you told me to come over." she said, laughing a bit. "To be honest, so was I." I said aloud, still hugging her. It surprised me how easily the ability to talk was coming to me. At that moment, I felt her freeze up and then let go, looking at me with wide eyes.

"I thought.. You can talk now?" she asked with amazement. I grinned sheepishly and nodded. She made a bit of a happy-squeal noise and hugged me tightly. It sort of amused me to see how happy this made her. Just being around her made me so much happier, and I was glad I had no idea why.

She turned and waved off a car behind her, presumably one of her parents and I led her inside to the living room. "That's wonderful news! How long have you been able to?" she asked with enthusiasm. I shrugged and typed, 'A few days now. I only do it so often. Don't want to test anything, ya know?'

After her hearing my response, while seeming to be amazed during listening, she sort of nodded in agreement. I guess knowing I couldn't talk, and then hearing that, it was a bit of a shocker to her.

The both of us sat down on the couch together, just sitting and talking. We didn't realize how in real life, we would have so much more to talk about. When on the computer or texting, it seemed there wasn't as much to talk about as there is now. And I enjoyed every minute of it.

I hadn't realized how much time had passed since we started talking. She got a call from one of her parents asking when she'd want to come get her. Apparently they never left town, went out to eat or something. They said it was already quarter to 6 and should be ready to leave soon.

"Guess I gotta be going soon.." Carolyn said, depressed like. She sat back on the couch next to me and she looked a bit sad. I felt the same way, I didn't want her to be leaving yet either. Her eyes were kept down on her lap, being awkwardly quiet.

"Uh, Carolyn..? Was there something you wanted to say?" I asked, afraid of her answer. She looked up at me, a look in her eye I couldn't put my finger on. "You remember that one conversation we had, the one where we told each other..you know.." she said, trailing off.

I knew exactly what she meant after that. "Yeah, what about it?" I asked her. While we were talking, she was the one doing the talking, I choose to just type it out. "Well, I thought about it while we talked, and..has your feeling changed since then? I just wanna know so that way," she said, looking down, "I don't get my hopes up."

Right after she said that, I immediately felt..not bad for her, but this tugging feeling in my chest. After all we knew about each other and the times we shared, I couldn't say I didn't feel anything.. And I had already told her I loved her. Sadly, that was the only thing I could be sure of at the moment.

Hesitantly, I put my hand on hers which was sitting on her lap. She looked up at me, the look being hopeful this time. "Not a thing's changed. But it's still as difficult as before, don't forget that." I told her, trying to be as gentle as I could about it. She gave me a small smile but I could see dissapointment in her eyes. That just made the tug in my chest feel tighter.

I moved from my hands to putting them carefully on her shoulders, making sure not to shake her. "Please don't be sad..Look, I'm not gonna make you wait for me choose, because I know how much that hurt me and you both. Don't wait for me. I'm not even worth it..." I said, retreating my hands and looking at my lap.

After that I heard her make a small gasp noise and I knew she wasn't liking that answer. Then Carolyn did something very unexpected and wrapped her arms around my neck. Feeling her hands clasp together there, and when I looked up, her face a little closer than I expected it to be.

I realized: I didn't want her to let go, or even back away. The opposite, actually. So acting on feeling instead of thought, I leaned in until our lips met and then just tried to be as gentle as possible. I tried what Gerard did with me and held either side of her face.

Suddenly my thoughts hit me with blinding force: Gerard. If he knew I did this, knew I saw her without telling her.. I don't think I would be able to handle seeing the heartbroken look on his face. It'd ultimately kill me inside.

It seemed my thoughts of him learned to speak as well and I heard a broken "Frank..?" My eyes snapped wide open and I retreated from Carolyn. At the opening of the living room, was Gerard. Just as I'd imagined, he had this look on his face that looked sad and like I said, heartbroken. It was already taking a toll on me.

"Gerard, please, just listen.." I said, my voice cracking in weird places. That I was used to, but I guess this is what I sound like when I'm sad now. He shook his head and I saw eyes beginning to well up. I took a few steps towards him but he held his hand up.

"I s-suppose this is Carolyn?" he asked, voice still broken. "I hope she loves y-you as much as I do.. Did." he continued. After he finished his sentence, I saw tears flowing freely down his face and he turned to leave. I heard the front door slam and ran after him, leaving Carolyn behind.

"Gerard! Come back! ..Gerard!" I yelled after him, making it to the end of my pathway when I saw him halfway down the road, running away. He turned to face my house and yelled. "I c-came by to tell you..I'm leaving t-tomorrow."

After, he turned and kept on running. I could still see him crying, burning into my memory. "Gerard..." I said quietly, dropping to my knees. I buried my face in my hands the sobs started ripping through me. There was just no controlling me anymore.

I caused this mess. I was the main and only cause. And I wasn't smart enough to fix this mess before it got this out of control. Why couldn't I have dug myself out before..before he saw this? I had chances, plenty, but I was too oblivious to notice or take them.

I said I wasn't worth it, and I was absolutely right.