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I had done my best to ignore Mikey in school, or maybe the better word was avoid. And I wasn't so much avoiding Gerard as just giving him the cold shoulder. He didn't try to force me to talk to him, but quite a few times it sounded like he was almost begging him to at least say two words to him.

"You've gotta stop avoiding me at some point." Gerard said to me unexpectedly. I had somewhat gotten used to the silence. Sometimes he would give up and just not try talking to me, and other times he would do nothing but ask me to talk.

I looked to my left and once again, he was staring at me with this helpless look. And all along, I expected this situation to be the opposite; me pleading with him, him ignoring me, just like I was doing to him.

'I dont need to stop avoiding you. I am doing it because I choose to.' I wrote, though I should've just avoided answering him altogether. "But.. Why, though? Why are you ignoring me?" he asked. Part of me felt bad, hearing the way he said it. It was like I was killing his best friend.

To people in the hallway, it might've looked a little strange to see us talking like this, but people were pretty much ignoring us by now. People had seen us together a few times since Monday and got over it pretty quickly. And Monday was four days ago.

We had just gotten out of our last class of the day, thankfully the day was Friday, and I'd hoped to go home in peace. Doesn't look like that was gonna be happening today.

'You really wanna know why?' I wrote, turning to face him. "I've only been begging since Sunday. So yeah, I wanna know why." he said, staring expectantly. I pulled him away from the main stream of people so we weren't in the way and so people didn't over hear us.

'Fine, if you must know.. Mikey said to me that you only told me you loved me so you... So you wouldn't have to let me down. That you felt bad.' I regrettably wrote. It wasn't hard to remember what he'd said to me, it was what made me scream and hear my real voice for the first time.

"What?! And you..you believed him?" Gerard asked, obviously pissed. At least, that's what his tone said. His face showed he was upset, depressed almost. 'No! I mean, what was I supposed to do?' I wrote in response.

"Uhh maybe ask me? That would've been a good idea, instead of it coming to this.." he said, the first part a bit too sarcastic for my taste. I had wanted to ask him, but I figured we wouldn't talk so I would no longer have to have the decision to choose between him and Carolyn.

'I guess I didnt think to do that..I'm sorry.' I wrote. Now, I felt guilty, like I usually did. I could hardly look him in the face. That day I went to Gerard's, I was so stupid to even consider believing what Mikey said. It was just so unexpected.

"Hey, you don't gotta be sorry.." Gerard said, sensitivity in his tone, "And don't try to argue about it." he continued. He tookmy hand in his and I knew he was trying to console me. It wasn't working that well. Of course I was going to argue him, it was my fault. Even if he tried to deny it.

"What now?" I asked, staring down at our hands. I hadn't really tried to talk since Sunday, so it was strange to hear it. I felt his hand squeeze mine a bit after I spoke. "We forget about it. At least, after I talk to Mikey about this.." he told me.

I found it strange that he wasn't making me look him in the eye by now. But I guess me letting him just hold my hand was enough for him. But hearing what he said about Mikey sort of made my head snap up.

"What are you gonna say to him?" I asked, scared. I realized a second later I spoke once again. But still I couldn't recognize my own voice. Gerard stared at me with wide eyes, mouth slightly open. He looked just as surprised as I was.

"You..you keep talking. How..?" he tried to asked, unable to finish his question. I shrugged and shook my head, clueless. The first and only other time I heard talk was when I yelled at Mikey. But I was yelling, so it sounded a bit different.

Gerard shook his head to wipe the reaction off his face and said, "Anyways, I'm just gonna say that it was wrong for him to do that. And, he's gonna wish he hadn't." I know, after this I shouldn't really care what happens to Mikey, but he's my best friend. I'd always care.

'As long as you don't hurt him, I guess...' I wrote, not really wanting to talk anymore. Gerard told me that he wouldn't, at least not too badly. And that's where the subject ended. Of course I wanted to go back to him, but I was sure if he was gonna take me back that quick.

It was well after school ended, not that either of us realized, and we started to leave seperately. But Gerard stopped me as I started to walk away, and he told me something that literally almost made my heart skip a beat or two. It's 8 letters, 3 words..you get the picture. But I didn't say it back, just smiled and walked away.

When I was walking home, I tried to figure a reason why I just didn't say I Love You back to him. I didn't deny it, yet why couldn't I say it? He seemed to be able to say it no problem, most likely because he didn't doubt it when he said it. I didn't either, but..why?
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The rest of my night was uneventful, as uneventful as it would be when I wasn't talking to Mikey, and Gerard..well, that was just plain awkward. So I expected it to be a quiet night. I was even ignoring Carolyn, my mood was so down the drain.

It wasn't very often that I just flat out ignored everyone and talked to no one. But today was just one of those days, my nerves just couldn't do it. One more problem and I think I might spontaneously combust.

I turned on my phone, not expecting to see anything, so I just shoved it in my pocket. Something I didn't expect was the phone vibrating, telling me I had a voicemail. No smart person would call me. It confused me more when I saw it was from..Carolyn?

She knew well enough not to call, that I couldn't properly answer and call her back. This would be the first time I had ever heard her voice. It wasn't in real life I'd hear it for the first time, but any idea of what it sounded like was good for me.

In her message, she said: Hey, I know you aren't going to call me back, but I just thought I should let you know.. Me, mum and dad got a flat..apartment, in Jersey City already. Yes, we're already in America, can you believe it? Text me when you get this, Bye.

She had the obvious British accent, but it wasn't so thick that I couldn't understand her. Something about her voice was innocent, quiet. If that was how she sounded on the phone, I couldn't wait to hear her and finally see her in real life.

I suddenly got frustrated with myself and threw my phone at the floor, and fell into my bed. Probably the worst possible time for me to get that kind of news, even if it was good news. I mean, not that I wasn't happy, but just horrible timing.

She was here, nearly two weeks early? How was I supposed to be ready for that? I couldn't imagine what was gonna happen when she shows up here, unannounced, and me having to explain this girl on my doorstep.

Him and me had just gotten through the first rough period, and that was only because of my stupidity. But we fixed it and I didn't want to ruin it again by having Carolyn here. In a way, I loved them both; I hadn't admitted it to myself until now.

But I realized there was a decision that I had to make. Hurt Gerard by picking Carolyn, or choose Gerard and leave Carolyn in the dark, avoiding her as much as possible. Either way, someone was going to get hurt. And I hated being the one having to make this choise.

I've known both of them a long time, though I've gotten to know more about Carolyn in the time we've known each other. But on the other hand, there's feelings I've had for Gerard for a long time.

Both of them were too good for me. Way too good Hell, them two should just meet up, get together, and I should be the one alone. That way, I wouldn't be the one causing either of them hurt. I hate to say it, but those two have a better chance of being together than me being happy with Gerard or even being with Carolyn at all.

Maybe this is why I got this choice; I'm meant to be alone. Never meant to be happy.