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xiccibanx — Ordinary Voice
Published: 2006-11-09 22:10:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 275; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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Description I

This is my ordinary voice,
Unheard because I mumble.

I don’t like being heard, maybe,
But screaming
Is another matter,

Rupture it is
Revealing,
I like the attention.

Eyes on me,
Don’t just listen, react,
Scream

I will
For pity.

II

This is my ordinary voice
Still.

Can you hear me
Behind these walls?

You built them to protect me,
You said
I’d like them,

And I did like the way my voice echoes;
I could hear myself
Talk into your eyes,

But still, it’s getting cold.

III

This is my ordinary voice
No longer.

Not the one that was ignored
During our game of hide and seek;
I was the seeker.

Not abandoned, it just disappeared
Because it grew tired;
Darkness refused to be its friend.

A quitter or
A fugitive
You may call it,
Not looking back.

Now it’s your turn,
Catch me.
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Comments: 17

udrite [2007-01-01 08:47:02 +0000 UTC]

I love it. However, it seems more powerful with "I am the ordinary voice" instead of "This is my ordinary voice" especially in the third section, because in my head I am looking for a jumpy transition and this line is where I see it happening where the poem sounds gooder and balanced in each section.

But yeah, it's just me.

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xiccibanx In reply to udrite [2007-01-01 15:59:26 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the suggestion

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udrite In reply to xiccibanx [2007-01-01 16:53:15 +0000 UTC]

oh, not at all.

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TheBookNerd [2006-11-23 03:00:52 +0000 UTC]

I like it. It really shows who you are. Very well written too...I see no edits needed...unless you want them...

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xiccibanx In reply to TheBookNerd [2006-11-23 16:01:14 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for reading

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TheBookNerd In reply to xiccibanx [2006-11-24 03:30:26 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!!

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osyr [2006-11-10 17:14:40 +0000 UTC]

Like it a lot!
the way the intensity was handled.
and a very strong and haunting ending

MUSt FAVE!!!

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xiccibanx In reply to osyr [2006-11-10 22:14:23 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for reading

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osyr In reply to xiccibanx [2006-11-11 08:45:03 +0000 UTC]

no prob

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Spykedjadedragon [2006-11-10 06:25:26 +0000 UTC]

I really enjoyed the second part...immensely.

~Spyked~
ChiYokLown

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thefifthorder [2006-11-10 01:09:42 +0000 UTC]

You should somehow get this on the subways.

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MattCarter [2006-11-09 22:15:17 +0000 UTC]

wow, I really like it,You are a really good poet!
Is there a specific Idea behind it as I could spend hour taking this apart and analysing it (which I do alot) and still not find what the writer indended. So what is this poem about for you?

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xiccibanx In reply to MattCarter [2006-11-10 02:04:49 +0000 UTC]

I intended for a metaphorical voice change as the parts progressed, that's as much as I can say about it lol. Thanks for reading

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MattCarter In reply to xiccibanx [2006-11-10 08:18:03 +0000 UTC]

Anytime, it was a good read

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TwelveStep [2006-11-09 22:12:21 +0000 UTC]

I don't think revisions are quite necessary.

I like it as it is.

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xiccibanx In reply to TwelveStep [2006-11-09 22:15:22 +0000 UTC]

You think so? I actually didn't put too much thought into this when writing, it just kinda came out like a freewrite. Anyways thanks for reading.

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TwelveStep In reply to xiccibanx [2006-11-09 22:21:37 +0000 UTC]

I adore it.

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