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Witch-Dr-Tim — Darkness - Attempt at Poetry
Published: 2010-07-17 10:18:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 1617; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 9
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Description
Darkness within lingersUnreasonable fear mounts
The hands tremble and sweat
Feet turn to ice
Am I dying?
Have I lost my mind?
Should I call out?
I must keep this secret!
Waves of intense uncertainty
Breathing is now labored
Shoulders rising in stress
Heart races out of control
Fetal position now
Death seems imminent
I do not want to die
I am too young to die
I am about to explode
My head is splitting in half
Teeth may shatter from clenching
Every muscle is now flexing
Wait … it starts to subside
My mind begins to clear
My body starts to relax
I get to keep my secret
Just another Panic Attack!
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Comments: 71
sooooooooo nice i wish that i can write like you too
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Very good Tim! I would say you pretty much nailed my definition of a panic attack! Well done. I totally relate!
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Thank You Miss Mandy, I keep going to comment on your post about the noose photo and then it gets buried in the 500 messages I have on here.
I am sorry for the loss of your friend and I hope that my photo does not bring up to many disturbing thoughts.
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Thanks a lot! It's really OK. I posted on the other message as well. Dark art is something I am attracted to for some strange reason. I guess I can relate or whatever.
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BRAVO! OMG WOW! Woo hoo! That was like so intense at first, but the ending was fabulous! The entire poem was really great! This just came to you huh? Well you are doing quiet well and seems like you have many more talents! I would love to see more!
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This is actually ranked #3 in Literature for the day.
I am quite proud of myself for the first time, and more proud that I was able to see what I did wrong which the pro's have confirmed for me.
Apparently I am smarter than I look
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Very nice. I really love the message. I was also able to visualize it very well. You might want to edit it some to make it flow a little better but besides that, it was very nice. I like to write also and I have found that word choice really does make a difference. So keep that in mind the next time you write. Please continue writing, you are very talented.
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Thank you very much for your advice, you have no idea how much I truly appreciate it!
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NIce and simple. I too like to write, but dont do it very often any more. However in my very much younger days, I used to suffer panic attacks, and you have described those very well indeed. For what it is worth, I think you've nailed the feelings spot on
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Thank you Ma'am ... it started off as a poem about the secret and ended up as a vivid description and reminder for those who do or have suffered from this.
I am a noob at it and wrote this in less than ten minutes so I will go easy on myself
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No no sometimes a quickie is the best (oops pardon me the choice of words here)but it has been seen so many times. Spontanious everything!
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lol ... yes when you are pressed for time a quick is all you have time for and some us Men are lucky if we can even do that! They make pills for that.
I am talking about Poetry ... what did you think I was talking about
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Now then would you care for me to elaborate? - don't forget I'm almost ancient
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baaaaaah .... you are not that much older than me
Here is a little story for you that happen just a couple of weeks ago and it is true.
One of my patients is a 60 year old woman that wanted complete laser hair removal of her hair in here Bikini Region.
After the first treatment she was asking questions about how to properly care for the treated area looked at me an said ... "I am married, and I am wondering what about sex"
My reply; " My dear, you are a 60 year old woman getting all of the hair removed from your *gear*, I seriously doubt there is anything that I am going to tell you about sex that you do not already know!
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What a belter! but my dear boy, what if said woman never actually had sampled the delights of this particular sport, and just read about it? I take it, you didn't feel for enlighten her
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lol ... I am certain that she has more than sampled the delights .... I think she may have consumed the whole buffet
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ha ha what a great little story. what are you up to with your camera? any planned excitement when out gathering new material?
Well must be a good girl, and go to bed, am resisting, as I sleep so bad, but I never turned in until 4.20 this am so must make ammends
See ya!
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I am running out of material to shoot now.
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Well you could always use urself, and then maipulate the results to something else 
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No one wants to see this ugly mug
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Are you a little shy -haha
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Nothing shy about me
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well make my day and show us the mug
do you do well out of these women? In the UK, there seems to be a growing trend for all things horrible, you know botox, enhanchements of all sorts etc.
Then there is me, I have long grey hair9although some say white or even blond) and do what I bloody well please. I'm doing my best to be just me, and not some plasticfied barbie doll. What gets my goat over here is, that when you are over 50, then life must be over, and you might as well go and suck eggs, but I have so many things I got to do still. The eggs can wait
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I live in a province where the women out number the men by 10% which apparently breeds both vanity and their desire to give me lots of their money ... God love them!
I will shoot a self portrait one day now ... I just ordered a wireless remote for the Camera so when it comes I will shoot one
All we can do is just be us ... anything else is just a farce!
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Hi you are bang on! and bless all your ladies for their vanity, as it enables you to get the things you want. ie nice cameras etc
When I need a mugshot of my self, I simply use the little webcam I bought for £6.89 in a superstore. Not the best, but it is ok for use in photomanipulations.
Anyhow I look forward to see you
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I have no idea as far as poetry goes but I like it!
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I really have no idea either. But lately I have been addicted to reading the writings of others because I am a studier of people.
I could sit and watch two people talk about nothing for hours.
Man ... not to many years ago I was sure I would be single for ever and chasing the women til I died. Marriage took care of that
Playing with my cars and making horsepower was my real love and now it is photography.
lol ... I am going to have to write a poem about aging or mid-life crisis, I think
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lol! I love watching people too! I like to sit in the mall at one of the restraunts and just watch all the people walking and talking. I guess I am old at heart haha. I took a picture of some cows today but it didn't turn out so I can't post it against your awesome cow pic. T.T
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lol ... were you to busy laughing cause you could imagine the cows saying "eh"
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Actually it was because I was on the back of a motorcycle lol
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lol ... doing 100mph?
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Oh no of course not. He obeyed the speedlimit...most of the time...lol. I think the speedlimit was 35 and he was going 45 so not that bad
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Nice attempt.
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Thank you .. this was my first attempt and it only took me about 10 minutes or less to write it.
I think I may try some visual poetry combined with my photography.
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That's such a great idea!
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Sorry, on my last comment I said I could bee the person curled up in the fetal position... I meant I sould see
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Thats actually pretty good for that being your first poem-^_^-
It was very discriptive, and I could bee the person curled up in the fetal position, and laboring for each breath. Very good job-^_^-
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Many people suffer from Anxiety issues, and I believe that many artistic people find their art as a stress or anxiety reliever, because focusing the mind on your art will distract it from the issues at hand.
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I totally agree with that.
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To be honest .. it is exactly why I started with photography.
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Great first attempt. It is clear the message you are conveying.
Personally, I would think you would use a line about 'keeping the secret' or 'i get to keep the secret' more repetitively - so it turns into a pattern and a key line - this will add to the 'feeling' of the poem and the 'message' of the 'secret' would become more intense.
The only thing it needs a little bit of 'tidying up' so that you can make the words sound a little bit more polished. Like, for example, darkness lingers within - just sounds nicer than the way you put it.
For some of the lines you've used abstract sentences and full sentences for others. Poetry sounds best in abstract sentences. Eg. third line you could drop 'the' and after breathing you could drop the 'is'
And also, you changed the mode of tense in the same stanza it should be 'heart racing out of control'
Like I said, minor issues - just a word here or there you could change to sound beta, hope that isn't TOO MUCH correction. Obviously I'm a writer...well writer/editor...
But I think it conveys a GREAT message and the feeling in it is very real. Do you know suicide is the second major cause of death among young people in Australia - so yeh, those who don't say anything - sometimes people find out too late.
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Thank you for the info and i wrote this in under 10 minutes, so not much thought was put into it.
The original though was to place the emphasis on the secret aspect of the writing, but I seem to have wandered off course a bit.
I REALLY appreciate you input on this!
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sorry if i was a bit harsh if you only spent a few minutes on it. Poetry is a passion of mine...I had thought you had intentions of making the 'secret' part important, anyways - your welcome if you are happy for my input. ^__^
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You were not harsh ... I had not idea how to format a poem and that is why I put somethign together quickly.
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permission to edit it a little? i can note it to you...?
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Permission? Daaaaaamn ... I would be honored!
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