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Description

More like Paranormal CRINGE.

Seriously...why is this a genre? Why have we allowed half-witted authors to depreciate the value of our classic horror icons - be it vampires, ghosts, werewolves, zombies, dragons...whatever - by using them in paranormal romance novels? Ever since "Twilight", the literal stake in the heart of the once cool concept of vampires, every middle-aged woman with "cougar tendencies" and no outlet for their sexuality have sat down and vomited out half-baked romance novels depicting paranormal relationships between some pathetic woman and some supernatural entity.

Vampires, Werewolves, Ghosts, and Zombies are generally not the first thing that comes in mind when you think of "romance". The one exception is that vampires would come into mind when it comes to "sexual desires". Now, all of a sudden, monsters have been reduced to being plushies and emo teenagers. Vampires are the stalker-romantic enigmas, Werewolves are the sentimental guardians, Ghosts are invisible protectors, and Zombies are love-sick undead who struggle to regain humanity for some weak-willed Mary Sue protagonist!

WHY!? SINCE. WHEN!? Ghosts HAUNT you. Vampires SUCK YOUR BLOOD. And generally, if you're lucky, you could have a Werewolf RIPPING YOUR FACE OFF and a Zombie TEARING YOUR STOMACH OPEN at the same time! So, ladies, I wouldn't have to worry about how cute your butt looks when it's two blocks away from your torso. Okay?

Frankly, I wouldn't mind Blake's version of porn so much if the main characters weren't so idiotic. They all seem to be these flailing bimbos who end up falling head over heels over some smug schmuck vampire "whose eyes are mesmerizingly-attractive!". They seem to lose all sensibility and act like irrational schoolgirls chasing a hot guy on campus. And WHY are you spending half a book talking about some BITCH drinking tea and doing tennis or some horseback-riding BULLSHIT? It's a waste of pages - MOVE ALONG!

Fine. If you like this kind of drivel, I get it. I do, but don't go around about how "emotionally deep a novel" this piece of work is when, in actuality, it's nothing more than soft core porn for women who receive little to no attention at home. Maybe the reason for the lack of attention is a direct result of obsessively reading this crap! PUT THE BOOK DOWN!

I also know the obvious argument. "No one's asking you to read it!". But hey, after a while, it gets a bit annoying when I get some crazed bimbo shoving some book in my face screeching things like "Why can't men be more like blah-blah-blah-blah from the shut-the-hell-up series?".

Uhhhh...Because we live in reality? Gods...

And you know, that's just the best! When someone complains about men not being like Sparkle-kidney-stones-Edward or Furry-dunce-Jacob from Twili-abomination. Because you can always turn it around and go like: "Well, I mean, hey. How come women can't be like any of those highly-skilled chef girls from that anime 'Food Wars'? HUH?". Then, THEN, they get bent out of shape. 'I bet your man beats you into thinking like that! Only a man who say that! That's distasteful and offensive!'.

Hey. So is ruining the horror genre with your romantic drivel. So, guess what? WE'RE EVEN! If my gator doesn't expect me to be some talented anime chef, I shouldn't expect him to be some sparkle-skinned, supernatural creature. The biggest irony is at least one of these things is more attainable. It just takes practice.

So seriously, I don't wanna hear about these "unrealistic standards on women". Because while there ARE men who are like that, women can be just as unrealistic. Women expect to have a man who would fight through a horde of monsters and demons to rescue them or be some dashing prince sweeping them onto a horse, carrying suitcases full of jewels. Guys? Guys just want women to be interesting.

Now, you tell me who's being more unreasonable!

The takeaway from this is that paranormal romance should not exist. A vampire could kill you in your sleep, and then a werewolf and a zombie would eat your flesh. Then, you'll be stuck in limbo. A fusion of a vampire, a werewolf, and a zombie, hanging with ghosts who don't like you. That doesn't sound like romance. Because it's NOT!

Credits!

Ruby Rose Code Vein from heinsamurai

Wolf from PamHenrichs

Zombie from Animegirl

Rose from OniMau619

Cemetery Stage from o-DSV-o

Description

More like Paranormal CRINGE.

Seriously...why is this a genre? Why have we allowed half-witted authors to depreciate the value of our classic horror icons - be it vampires, ghosts, werewolves, zombies, dragons...whatever - by using them in paranormal romance novels? Ever since "Twilight", the literal stake in the heart of the once cool concept of vampires, every middle-aged woman with "cougar tendencies" and no outlet for their sexuality have sat down and vomited out half-baked romance novels depicting paranormal relationships between some pathetic woman and some supernatural entity.

Vampires, Werewolves, Ghosts, and Zombies are generally not the first thing that comes in mind when you think of "romance". The one exception is that vampires would come into mind when it comes to "sexual desires". Now, all of a sudden, monsters have been reduced to being plushies and emo teenagers. Vampires are the stalker-romantic enigmas, Werewolves are the sentimental guardians, Ghosts are invisible protectors, and Zombies are love-sick undead who struggle to regain humanity for some weak-willed Mary Sue protagonist!

WHY!? SINCE. WHEN!? Ghosts HAUNT you. Vampires SUCK YOUR BLOOD. And generally, if you're lucky, you could have a Werewolf RIPPING YOUR FACE OFF and a Zombie TEARING YOUR STOMACH OPEN at the same time! So, ladies, I wouldn't have to worry about how cute your butt looks when it's two blocks away from your torso. Okay?

Frankly, I wouldn't mind Blake's version of porn so much if the main characters weren't so idiotic. They all seem to be these flailing bimbos who end up falling head over heels over some smug schmuck vampire "whose eyes are mesmerizingly-attractive!". They seem to lose all sensibility and act like irrational schoolgirls chasing a hot guy on campus. And WHY are you spending half a book talking about some BITCH drinking tea and doing tennis or some horseback-riding BULLSHIT? It's a waste of pages - MOVE ALONG!

Fine. If you like this kind of drivel, I get it. I do, but don't go around about how "emotionally deep a novel" this piece of work is when, in actuality, it's nothing more than soft core porn for women who receive little to no attention at home. Maybe the reason for the lack of attention is a direct result of obsessively reading this crap! PUT THE BOOK DOWN!

I also know the obvious argument. "No one's asking you to read it!". But hey, after a while, it gets a bit annoying when I get some crazed bimbo shoving some book in my face screeching things like "Why can't men be more like blah-blah-blah-blah from the shut-the-hell-up series?".

Uhhhh...Because we live in reality? Gods...

And you know, that's just the best! When someone complains about men not being like Sparkle-kidney-stones-Edward or Furry-dunce-Jacob from Twili-abomination. Because you can always turn it around and go like: "Well, I mean, hey. How come women can't be like any of those highly-skilled chef girls from that anime 'Food Wars'? HUH?". Then, THEN, they get bent out of shape. 'I bet your man beats you into thinking like that! Only a man who say that! That's distasteful and offensive!'.

Hey. So is ruining the horror genre with your romantic drivel. So, guess what? WE'RE EVEN! If my gator doesn't expect me to be some talented anime chef, I shouldn't expect him to be some sparkle-skinned, supernatural creature. The biggest irony is at least one of these things is more attainable. It just takes practice.

So seriously, I don't wanna hear about these "unrealistic standards on women". Because while there ARE men who are like that, women can be just as unrealistic. Women expect to have a man who would fight through a horde of monsters and demons to rescue them or be some dashing prince sweeping them onto a horse, carrying suitcases full of jewels. Guys? Guys just want women to be interesting.

Now, you tell me who's being more unreasonable!

The takeaway from this is that paranormal romance should not exist. A vampire could kill you in your sleep, and then a werewolf and a zombie would eat your flesh. Then, you'll be stuck in limbo. A fusion of a vampire, a werewolf, and a zombie, hanging with ghosts who don't like you. That doesn't sound like romance. Because it's NOT!

Credits!

Ruby Rose Code Vein from heinsamurai

Wolf from PamHenrichs

Zombie from Animegirl

Rose from OniMau619

Cemetery Stage from o-DSV-o