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Vile-Victorian — Captain of Neo Dulcimer

Published: 2009-10-19 03:08:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 2600; Favourites: 30; Downloads: 62
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Description At a time, Lazuli Delacru served as a Great Hand, one of the most highly revered and respected ranks in the Prestige Sect of the Order. Never did he question, only did he serve. But all was changed. The Order called for a select few of their finest to send through a gateway, one constructed in secrecy, that allowed access to the unknown.... unknown to the volunteered that is. They were instructed that upon entry, they were to seize the first inhabitant of the other side if any did exist. The gate was delicate, comparable to that of a fragile bubble. They could only go so far through and only for so long before a rupture in the fabric of existence and time would be created. Seize and return before the closure of the gate, that was their order... It was a man, not unlike an inhabitant of Lazuli's own world. They apprehended him but upon returning through the gate, a rupture had begun. They barely pulled the man through, not without ensuing chaos. Falling back through the other side, the man seemed frozen in between, and before it could collapse, Lazuli pulled him. The gate's structure curled inward on itself and the rupture, not wanting to cease its pull on the man, flooded into him tearing its way through his right eye... There was an ensuing silence. They finally began to restrain the man, all of them but Lazuli. That was the day that marked his gradual and abruptly ended withdrawal from the Order. They had tormented the man that came through, tested on him, spent countless hours forcing their hand at a goal Lazuli was not privy to. All he knew was it was wrong. His eyes were opened to what the Order really was under it's guise, its brainwashing, learning of every ill intent they kept. He caught wind that their goal, whatever it was, was in sight. A goal that would end the man's life. Lazuli swore to bring an end to the deception that was the Order, he helped the man escape and went rogue. To this day only he and Dr. Thaddeus Vale, the man he helped escape, know this secret apart from the highest ranks of authority in the Order. To this day Vale has faithfully stood by Lazuli as his first mate aboard the various ships he has captained and commandeered alike.

On one occasion, his crew and ship at the time were picked apart sliver by sliver of flesh and craft alike by the Mad Dulcimer- a self conscious steam golem. Barely escaping death not once but twice in one act, he and Vale succeeded in decimating the rampant machine from its core.

He has built a new ship from the defeated remains of the Mad Dulcimer, now dubbed the Neo Dulcimer, once again taking the title of captain, he has acquired an unlikely new crew. And thanks to the secrets known only to himself and Vale, the Order continues to hunt him mercilessly.
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Comments: 12

allicia1 [2009-11-26 09:48:57 +0000 UTC]

Fantastic Job on character building and, of course, the outfits!

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LadyElizabeth09 [2009-11-23 18:54:53 +0000 UTC]

Love the background story. Helps me understand the whole characters and items and such.

I'd say if you added stories about your crew adventures in the eyes of Lazuli Delacru that would flesh it out. Like the people you met at TRF, escaping the paparazzi, and so on... Of course embellishments on the true stories would be best, but definite basis in the fun times would be perfect!

BTW, I'm one of the twin barbarians who chatted with ya'll for a bit at TRF this past weekend.

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itwirlchucks [2009-11-05 23:09:34 +0000 UTC]

nice david, this is going to be awesome. Love the story so far I look forward to hearing more about it!!!

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Id0ntlikeyou [2009-10-28 16:43:23 +0000 UTC]

Was ist das Order? What exactly did they hope to gain by capturing Vale? Who are some of the members of the Order that are hunting Capt. & Vale? How can the crew possibly fight the Order besides simply evasion? Are they somehow foiling some grand designed plans or simply denying them their prize? Are they a political, religeous, secret, organization? All of them? None of them? What?

I very much enjoyed the backstory, and it is a very enticing beginning. Personally I find that by fleshing out the enemy of your main characters in a story is essential to avoid writers block or to lose track of your overall vision.

What are the motivations of your characters and those who oppose them? Give your enemy a face and they take on a life of their own, and add to the depth of your own characters. Take for instance Star Wars, giant masses of faceless Stormtroopers, intimidating, yes, powerful, yes, but not neccessarily compelling. Give the Empire the face of Darth Vader and all of the sudden it is terrifying to oppose.

Love the start. As you said, it needs fleshing out. That is by no means a bad thing, though, simply a statment of purpose. I would love to also hear some descriptions and specifics on some of the technology involved, since the technology is a character of its own it seems in this world and deserves just as much attention.

I love what I've seen you do so far and and indeed envious of your ability to make concepts into tangibles. I'm excited to see what youve come up with. I'd even like to see if I can make any meager contributions to your efforts, I appear to be slightly inspired currently and have several ideas.

OVERALL: Good work, now keep moving!

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Vile-Victorian In reply to Id0ntlikeyou [2009-10-29 05:30:22 +0000 UTC]

I would actually like to extend an offer to join the crew of Neo Dulcimer. With this response you have posted, you have succeeded in acquiring my utmost respect for not only inspiring the already inspired state I'm in, but making me think on terms that really leaves me wanting more of your take on things. I can attest just from this critique you have given me that your service as doing such and so much more would be most valuable in unison with the efforts already in motion. Thanks more than I can express it for taking the time to give me this awesome feedback. Let me know if you want to be a part of this!

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Id0ntlikeyou In reply to Vile-Victorian [2009-10-29 17:12:13 +0000 UTC]

Would I not be a fool to deny such a request? I think so, although that may require further investigation to discern the truth of it. Haha

For now, it pleases me to do so, and I accept such an invitation with utmost honor and respect that such a gesture commands. I look forward to learning more about the deeds to come and most of all to discern your true self, rapskallion or gentleman, whichever it may be.

Good Day, Sir.

----From the Desk of Nathaniel J. Reardon

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Lai-Tut [2009-10-19 15:55:56 +0000 UTC]

Holy cow, that is one freaking amazing story. When I saw you dressed as this character I had no idea how great of a story there was behind it. I love it, and it really makes me want to see more. It is such a mind blowing story, I wish it were a book or something lol.
Anyways- this outfit is great, it really has a feel of a captain, someone honorable. I really like that necklace too, it adds a lot I feel.

~Lai

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Vile-Victorian In reply to Lai-Tut [2009-10-29 05:43:09 +0000 UTC]

Thank you dearly! It actually is in its infant stages, but already it has gushed forth as something so massively epic. I'm quite astonished at how it's coming together so fluidly and elegantly. Despite the epic scope, it's been noted that the story overall (still unrevealed pivotal events, including the ending)is very easy to grasp and refrains from being to overly complex yet too elementary simultaneously.. It's compelling to say the least. So far it has received such pleasingly warm and welcoming reception, it's very exciting and driving for me personally to want to make this really something special. In all matter of seriousness, that is saying alot, and I do mean alot.

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scullychan [2009-10-19 03:11:15 +0000 UTC]

ooooooo neato!!

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Vile-Victorian In reply to scullychan [2009-10-19 03:12:16 +0000 UTC]

Did you read it? It's the start of the whole backstory

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scullychan In reply to Vile-Victorian [2009-10-19 03:14:12 +0000 UTC]

I did! You write the neatorest stuff (to coin your phrase).

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Vile-Victorian In reply to scullychan [2009-10-19 04:31:15 +0000 UTC]

Can you think of anything I can do better on it? I want to actually start fleshing out a full story, I got inspired to

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