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SweetSweetIrony — All The Sordid Details
Published: 2006-08-10 07:43:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 378; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 4
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Description
Red silk sheets,and softer sighs.
silken hair,
and creamy thighs.
I'll share with you the details,
what exactly came to be.
In case you'd like to hear,
what really happened to me.
A boy came along with kisses,
and warm besotted breath.
He kissed and kissed until,
my heart melted in my chest.
At first it was quite cold,
that ice melting away.
But it helped wash off some,
pain from earlier days.
Boy held me while I shivered,
Boy held me while I shook.
Pressed my head to his chest,
and matched the breaths we took.
Then those kisses came again,
and helped to warm me up.
I moaned and sucked and bit,
and praised God for my luck.
Then strong hands removed my clothes,
to help control the heat.
Then evened out the temp,
with warm red silky sheets.
Now that ice was boiling,
that much was very clear.
I could feel all the steam,
gone ringing through my ears.
And then the pressure built,
up to the point of pain.
Thank God the bed was red,
it wouldn't leave a stain.
The ice had been ignited,
leaving fire in its wake.
With soft tugs and writhing hugs,
I gave all for boy to take.
My heart is thawed out now,
with its normal beating.
I wouldn't take the world,
in exchange for this feeling.
I used to live in ice storms,
that fell down upon cheeks.
Thank God Boy found me again,
hidden beneath red sheets.
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Comments: 21
it was going well... until the third stanza.... and then it went divine.
for some reason... the "came along with kisses... and warm besotted breath" hooked me even more.
the words you naturally chose, like i hope sometimes happens when i write, are vivid and real and perfect and flow.
do you write from beginning to end in one motion, per se? some of your "style" reminds me of when i've done a piece i looked back and liked more than the others... and that's usually the way those particular ones come out.
i'm very impressed. congratulations on having such a talent for this!
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really nice...like a book that needs to be read...good job!!
"Each one of us has destiny, a mission that needs to be accomplished..."
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Well no..I gave it the best shot I was willing to give at 3:30 in the morning.
the perfect time, i've found.
and about the poem, fantastic. usually similar allusions to past pain and other likewise themes goes dry very quickly, but that is prevented mostly by the pace, and the rest by stellar word choice. i was surprised, actually, which is likely some of my impression. this is a great poem, it flows and doesn't seem to stall ever, working right into virginity, a beautiful subject. no doubts, favorite.
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It's weird that I never meant it to be about virginity, it just ended up like that. My orignal thought was to make it as crass and vulgar as I could.
I failed and succeeded at the same time.
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Indeed you did, as the crass and vulgar tone is certainly in the first stanza, which is in the preview, which got me to read the poem. I almost thought that was the most shining point of the poem, was the transitioning, quite nearly three different poetic styles, under the same structure.
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Haha, next time I'll put a perverted opening to all my poems, gets me more comments.
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Enjoyed very much, now giving feedback. You're getting better, so keep writing ma cherie.
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Damn, I was waiting for a red room comment and got nuthin'.
Too bad red sheets would clash with purple walls...
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Would you be paying attention to the walls?
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gonna be added to my favourites...
"But it helped wash off some,
pain from earlier days."
this is the only niggly bit i can see - i would replce 'some' with something else, since a comma in the middle of that sentence just doesn't sound right at all. to me
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If only it had actually happened. ::sigh::
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I never understood how you could write a story so well through poem, whenever I try it doesn't come out very well. Anyway, great job. Look foreward to seeing more
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Beautifully written.
The emotive imagery used is wonderful.
The idea of the 'ice melting away' gives the reader two meanings. One being the walls built up by the I persona to keep people distant and to protect herself from harm. The second being her physical state. As she relaxes and succumbs to 'Boy', the ice melts away, finally igniting with her arousal.
Also, to mention a small thing about the use of 'Boy' rather than calling him by his name or even naming him a 'man' allows the reader to think of a softer image. 'Boy' conveys an innocence and a kindness that 'man' often doesn't convey.
I don't know whether this is just my opinion but I am more likely to assume a more aggressive and less tender image when thinking of the word 'man' without any context.
Aaaanyway.
Nice to read a new poem =]
I hope to read more soon!
[xxx]
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I love it when you critique my poems, I can never explain why I picked what words I did. It's just..something I do subconsciously, so I count on you to actually tell me what I did. Heh.
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^_^ I know what you mean! I never intend to be clever with words. So when people tell me about all the nice hidden meanings I'm like "SQUEE"
I like reading your poems.
You're the only writer on DA that I comment really.
I love your style of writing =]
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I have a "style"? Really? Neat.
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Yeah. It's just SweetSweetIrony style.
It's SweetSweetIrony-esque.
*Nods*
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