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Sutton1 — With Broken Armor
Published: 2006-01-02 21:48:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 515; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 9
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Description
sigh... I remember her.There was autumn in her hair
Summer's fancy lit her eyes
Light of Spring bestowed her touch
With the radix of her voice entwined
But there was winter in her heart
Across the room I felt
Beautiful, impetuous
An icy hand of cards she dealt
I did not know her name
She didn't care for mine
I didn't need to drink
There was no reason why
They gave me something vile
I just ignored the taste
Pretending i was fine
Though all could see me fake
Her arms were wrapped around
My shoulders and my neck
She told me it'd be fun
I told her I was spent
But then through silver eyes
The stronghold cracked within
With Broken Armor torn in two
A dark defeat of innocence
She took me by the hand
And led me from the group
Through endless halls and countless stairs
She'd guide me from the room
Out the way and through the dark
We drifted down the halls
A walk so mute and slow
I had not cared at all
So peculiar to walk
A bottle in my hand
Slow and steady won the race
I then could firmly stand
Here within her room
I found myself inside
Then it was i realized
Where i was and why
I sat down on the bed
She softly closed the door
I ran my fingers through my hair
Her purse now settled on the floor
I asked her just to wait
So i could figure out
What was going on
Confused by guilt and doubt
She was not listening
She likely never would
She brought herself around to me
I should have fought, I knew I could
-----------------------------------------------
She asked me if I loved her
I cant remember what I said
The same I asked her in reply
As we laid there in her bed
She said yes, and yes again
I knew that she was wrong
Tears streamed down her face
I could not stay for long
I never knew her name
She hadn't cared for mine
I did not need to drink
There was no reason why.
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Comments: 21
Incredible... it's awesome.
Gratz, you're rly good!
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thanks, i'll be going through yours shortly, dont you worry
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Damn...I wish I could write like you. In fact, I wish I could write at all. All of my creativity has fled, leaving naught but an empty wound, so to speak. It almost seems like I could only write in the midst of a great depression, and even then my greatest is nothing compared to what you write. Gah!!! I am speechless...well, not really, but the sentiment is the same. This poem is awesome, and though I have seen better, it is one of the best I've seen written in our age group. For you, talent falls upon you like a star falling from the heavens into the shining seas below, but for me...I have to be enveloped by a profoundly strong emotion, which falls so rarely upon an almost emotionless heart like mine. Extreme happiness, like what I am currently feeling, thanks to Chris, does not seem to produce the creativity necessary for me to spawn a poem, or even a short story. hmm. This saddens me. But enough of my ranting about my non-creative ways... Good job! 
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*falls over dead after heart-explosion from excessive praise*
wow, thanks! im glad to feel exhaulted above my fellow teenage scum. but dont worry about your creativity drought.
i think you may be having this problem because emotion is your primary engine of writing. writing good poetry based off of emotion is incredibly taxing and draining, especially for me. plus, i feel that emotional writing concentrates too much on dialogue, while most of my works focus entirely on settings with allegory. after i have the visuals done, then i can tap my porkbarrel of bottled up feelings.
i like to write conservatively.
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this is incredible. i really wish that i could put words together this beautifully, and i hope that someday i will be able to. anyways, the story is great, it is easy to identify with, in a way, and has that sort of feeling that you can't quite tell if it's pure bliss or utter distress. also, as jay has mentioned already, the repetition of the final stanza is really great. i didn't notice it the first time i read the poem, but i did the second. the thing i like the most about that is that those particular lines mean something entirely different the first time they are used in the poem than they do at the end. anyways, i think you get the point that i really enjoyed this poem.
also, i'm wondering, i really enjoy writing poetry, and i don't think i'm terribly bad at it, but, i don't know that much about different forms of meter and different types of poems, and, obviously you do. i was wondering where you learned everything you know about poetry or where i might be able to learn it. is there a class at our high school that teaches that much about poetry or do you have to study it on your own?
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wow, thanks for enjoying what i write. *flying hug*
i love you too, matt!
but yeah. Creative writing will teach you some of the super basics, but the only style i found to my liking was the extended metaphor. I dont know about poetry/mythology. i never took that class because i was too amazing for them.
basically, what I did was sift through some of the poetic collection books in the library until i found some with noticeable rhythm and rhyming schemes. From there, i basically stole the rhythm beat for beat, replaced with my own words, and then altered whatever i felt like to make it my own.
other than that,,, beware my bias tastes. im not a giant fan of free verse. content is a different matter.
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I must say, dear tay-lor, that while I was most pleased by the poem in entirety, I have to admit I didn't get the shivers up/down my spine unitl the last two line. The reprise of
"I did not need to drink
There was no reason why." not only as a reprise but also when coupled with
"I never knew her name
She hadn't cared for mine" is one of the most striking things I have read in a far and long time. I say, this does deserve a favourite, though that barely does it honour.
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well, up or down, i am relieved that your spine has been sufficiently tingled.
Thanks, i really wanted to reiterate the point. otherwise the poem wouldnt have meant anything.
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also, i truely like how the last quartet doesn't rhyme, it makes the point stand out even more. bravo, warrior poet, sir.
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...yes it does...
mine and why... ??? that rhymes you prosemonkey
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Very nice Taylor, very nice.
Could this be based on actual events perhap?
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was there any tickeling involved? 
Awesome job tho. How long does it usually take you to write something like this?
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ah! i see i never answered your question. sorry.
well, ive never posted anything within a month of the time i start writing it. sometimes, like in Shards of Glory, i can take several months at a time just to edit the bloody thing to where im happy with it. This gets bailex particularly frustrated. but sometimes, i will start, forget, revisit, and THen fix.
This one however, i went straight on through and got it out after 5 weeks. It was pretty much the only one i worked on cause i thought it had good potential.
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omg sutton, i don't know what to say. i am absolutely speechless, it was so good (good, i couldn't think of word that can describe what i think, good doesn't even touch on how beautiful, how wonderful, how astounding this piece is) i almost envy your talent of your use of words.
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wow... you really liked it that much? i didnt expect such a reaction, so Thanks a ton. lol, i love you too
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i did i did. it was really good. so you are very welcome. hope you had a great christmas and wishing you a happy new year.
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My god you're talented.
That was astounding. I doubt you'd need my praises to confirm that, but I assumed you'd like to hear them anyway.
And Sic Transit Gloria is one of the greatest songs there ever was and ever will be.
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your taste in music is most excellent.
ha ha, thanks a lot, i appreciate it.
and dont worry about the praising. I flatter easily and i love attention.
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