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SuperGirlSwag — Believer
Published: 2014-03-18 23:51:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 755; Favourites: 29; Downloads: 0
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Description
I'm not a believerBut I believe in you
And I hate you for this
For seeing me through
I am not a dreamer
But I dream about you
And I say that I hate you
But that is not true
I am not a sinner
But I'll sin for you
You did ask me why
But you already knew
I am not a lover
But I would love you
If you let me of course
But I doubt you would
So no, not a believer
But still believing in you
Maybe I already love you
But no, that's unlikely the truth
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Comments: 23
Believer... in all honesty I feel that the title could have been more amazing/attractive had it been the first two lines combined:
"Not a believer, but I believe in you"
That is of course up to you - I use lengthy titles at times, you may not like it. Moving onto the work itself. I like the idea that you have chosen and how the first and last stanza merge together so well. However, the rest of the stanza's could have been a lot better. Perhaps I should not be looking at this from a technical perspective but I feel that you could have worked on the lines, managed syllable count, and made it a little more 'similar'. As an example:
"...I am not a Dreamer
But I dream about you
And I say that I hate you
But that is not true
I am not a Sinner
But I'll sin for you
You did ask me why
But you already knew...."
That said, it is just an example. I know that emotional poetry is not meant to be concise and I also know that you might not like this. BUT, I do feel that the impact of the work can be improved.
Also you know - I am not good with honest words e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w… " width="15" height="15" alt="
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thank you..really, it helped and I will change those 2 stanzas like you just suggested
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You are very welcome and I can give an opinion (in note if you like) for the rest of the two stanza's for consistency 
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the incertainty of feelings... or not wanting to admit or show one's feelings...
congratulations, it is a very nice poem
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thank you, for your poem
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I see a lot of mixed feelings here. It sounds like one of those relationships where you don't know if you love or hate the person.
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thank you
yeah it is something like that
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I wish I could write as well as you, but besides the point its a really amazing piece and the message is one I can connect with well.
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thank you very much!!! And you do write very well 
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I like it. It's deep and it flows well. Well done.
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