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snow-angels — fascination.
Published: 2012-07-23 06:09:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 1718; Favourites: 40; Downloads: 0
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Description clearly i've developed a fascination with cigarettes

and hand-holding and cheek-kisses,

something about thinking about him on starry nights,

when i can draw lines connecting his initials to mine


because he was a cancer and i was a cancer,

and my horoscope told me to keep him close to my heart

so he could peel back my skin and my ribs and my lungs

to steal my words right from my chest


he smelled like Newports and hours-old cologne,

but sometimes it was his smoke mingled with a fresh peppermint

that drew me to his lips and made me wonder

if i could get addicted to the taste of his nicotine


he made me want him next to me, to lay my hand on his chest

while our minds soared into the ocean of clouds and birds above us

and we stared at each other with our eyes closed,

letting our lips speak in a wordless rhythm


that somehow contained three syllables. 







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Comments: 61

snow-angels In reply to ??? [2012-07-25 03:01:16 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

winterkate [2012-07-23 13:51:14 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


Well, there is a point in here where I should probably be giving criticism, but there should probably be a point in here where I find something to criticize, some recommendation to give. Honestly, I really just loved this work. You were very original, concise, and precise in all your metaphor, simile, and imagery - I really got a great feeling of where this was going and how it ended up there. I never felt like this poem got lost in itself. A brilliant work, and I really like how you've broken all the lines. It comes across as effortless, true, and excellent.

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snow-angels In reply to winterkate [2012-07-23 14:28:57 +0000 UTC]

wow, thank you so much! :]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

winterkate In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-25 14:16:57 +0000 UTC]

You're really welcome!

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learningtobefree [2012-09-27 20:19:45 +0000 UTC]

just read this again
ugh it's so perfect c:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to learningtobefree [2012-09-27 22:02:25 +0000 UTC]

thanks again
it makes me happy that people take the time to go read through my stuff again

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LightOverpowers58 [2012-09-06 01:57:32 +0000 UTC]

the beautiful musings of a relationship...lovely work!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to LightOverpowers58 [2012-09-06 02:18:52 +0000 UTC]

thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

LightOverpowers58 In reply to snow-angels [2012-09-06 02:20:59 +0000 UTC]

You are welcome!

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HappyAsASam [2012-08-18 21:04:34 +0000 UTC]

I love this. Absolutely beautiful.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to HappyAsASam [2012-08-18 21:30:37 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

HappyAsASam In reply to snow-angels [2012-08-19 00:07:41 +0000 UTC]

You are very welcome I looked through the rest of your gallery as well, and I enjoyed all of it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to HappyAsASam [2012-08-19 02:10:06 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

learningtobefree [2012-08-05 22:22:08 +0000 UTC]

ugh i love this to pieces,
perfectly relatable and well-written

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to learningtobefree [2012-08-13 22:04:15 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Jrwo [2012-07-27 12:32:35 +0000 UTC]

Great,..[link]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BlueDreamer77 [2012-07-26 05:03:42 +0000 UTC]

I really like it and it makes me really want to know what that feels like. Not the wanting but the knowing you can.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to BlueDreamer77 [2012-07-26 15:22:17 +0000 UTC]

thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

BlueDreamer77 In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-26 16:33:58 +0000 UTC]

Welcome

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

lalaith913 [2012-07-23 20:35:23 +0000 UTC]

I really enjoy that the love you've described here is like a willing addiction. It's fanciful and attractive, like it's luring you in. Nice work!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to lalaith913 [2012-07-23 21:35:49 +0000 UTC]

haha, i guess it is thanks!

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thousandthwind [2012-07-23 20:02:48 +0000 UTC]

why hello there. I'm a cancer, although I don't smoke. Curses.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to thousandthwind [2012-07-23 20:12:41 +0000 UTC]

curses.
DON'T SMOKE.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

thousandthwind In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-23 20:22:01 +0000 UTC]

I never will, don't worry. My lovely voice would be ruined.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to thousandthwind [2012-07-23 21:00:20 +0000 UTC]

xD

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

thousandthwind In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-24 01:39:54 +0000 UTC]

Speaking of my lovely voice, I still need to sing to you

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to thousandthwind [2012-07-24 01:59:48 +0000 UTC]

indeed you do!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

thousandthwind In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-24 02:00:49 +0000 UTC]

I had a vocal lesson today. The voice teacher said that I had a lovely falsetto. And she's the lead singer of a band named Side FX that I haven't decided whether or not I like.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to thousandthwind [2012-07-24 02:04:55 +0000 UTC]

that band sounds familiar...
also, that's great :3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

thousandthwind In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-24 02:08:27 +0000 UTC]

I know. I can't find them, as much as I try. Oh well.

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snow-angels In reply to thousandthwind [2012-07-24 02:14:17 +0000 UTC]

hmm. oh well.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

annachip [2012-07-23 20:00:51 +0000 UTC]

and we stared at each other with our eyes closed,
letting our lips speak in a wordless rhythm

god i love that

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to annachip [2012-07-23 20:12:48 +0000 UTC]

:3 thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

annachip In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-23 22:04:20 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome u_u

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Low-light-M [2012-07-23 16:40:13 +0000 UTC]

I love this
If it was music it would be like theater music, because it changes quickly and smoothly, but it still keeps your attention

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to Low-light-M [2012-07-23 19:02:31 +0000 UTC]

thank you! haha, that's a good comparison

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XINDY [2012-07-23 13:28:30 +0000 UTC]

this is so lovely!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to XINDY [2012-07-23 14:30:38 +0000 UTC]

thank you!

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MelodieRox [2012-07-23 10:31:50 +0000 UTC]

Wow amazing imagery.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to MelodieRox [2012-07-23 14:30:47 +0000 UTC]

thanks so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

MelodieRox In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-23 14:31:38 +0000 UTC]

No problem!

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Somdoka [2012-07-23 09:38:07 +0000 UTC]

very powerful but at the same time, dreamy and calm. I like it! ^^
And I don't think it's a mistake not to use capital letters. I think this poem doesn't need any, without capital letters it feels more playful and somehow, makes the fascination stronger... I don't know why, I just feel this way.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to Somdoka [2012-07-23 14:32:15 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!
and thanks i usually get a ton of comments like "ALSKDJFSKLDF USE PROPER GRAMMAR ASSHAT" on my pieces and after a while, i just get kind of tired of replying to them and saying, "this is how i write. deal with it," or something of the sort.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Somdoka In reply to snow-angels [2012-07-23 14:50:27 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome! ^^
I think opinions like these are just stupid and unnecessary. everyone has their own style and it makes no sense to criticize them for it. you write grammatically correct, I think this is the only "rule" that really matters in writing.
keep up the good work! ^^

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sunhoney [2012-07-23 08:22:31 +0000 UTC]

I like this, it's very fluid! Poetry is a form of literature that can be shaped any way you like it - no need for capitals or punctuation if that's how you feel it should be.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to sunhoney [2012-07-23 14:33:45 +0000 UTC]

thank you!

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purple-camels [2012-07-23 07:24:16 +0000 UTC]

I like this poem, it's really sweet, and I like how you don't have the capitals, it makes it feel to me like it's part of something bigger.

I like PuppetsPoisonInk's comment Poets do what ever the hell they like, it's when people don't know how grammar works and incorrect spelling that annoys me.
So basically exactly what they said

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to purple-camels [2012-07-23 14:34:58 +0000 UTC]

you can never capture the entire essence of love in a poem, so in a way, it is

haha yes! visual artists can't hate on us poets

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

AdmiralSilv [2012-07-23 07:10:59 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful and unique <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snow-angels In reply to AdmiralSilv [2012-07-23 14:35:06 +0000 UTC]

thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0


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