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shirotsuki ā Joy
Published: 2009-04-15 15:37:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 67459; Favourites: 7366; Downloads: 0
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Here's my latest Illustration 2 homework! Honestly I don't think the critique for it went as well as it could have. I did push myself to try on the micron pens again, I avoid them like the plague. I discovered they behave really well on cold-press watercolor paper though.The gist of the crit was the picture was nice, but not quite right. Too busy, Too colorful, not enough control in the restraint department. I wound up removing a lot of what the original sketch included, but it still needed to come down further. MOAR PRACTICE!
EDIT!: That was goofy of me! For those who asked so they could crit, the project was to illustrate a box and a shopping bag for either seriously expensive chocolate, ridiculously expensive shoes, or jean patou's horrifyingly expensive perfume. We were encouraged to spend a lot of time looking up ad illustrations, check up on the product we chose, and put our own spin on it.
This illustration was the box for the perfume. My personal goal was to create a semi-nouveau image that felt like what I was reading about the perfume and it's history. I used brighter colors rather than the usual earthy elegant nouveau tones so that it wouldn't be too gloomy, the perfume is called Joy, after all, and it was introduced during the depression for Patou's patrons who were no longer able to afford his Couture. (he designed clothes, then the economy crashed.) The perfume carried the business through.
The problem though was how something like this would have read smaller. I like looking at crazy frantic imagery, but when compared to what's normally on the market for things like perfume boxes, this is pretty gaudy. During the sketch critique, we talked about using it as the bag image.. but I still "sold" it as the box because I felt more strongly about it as that kind of image.
Ideas to improve it as a functional piece for the product were thusly to tone it down, fewer colors, to make it more readable on a smaller scale. And that's the story! Sorry for not including it earlier, and thanks to everyone! I'm looking forward to your crits!
I feel pretty energized by the experience though, and I do still really love how this piece turned out ^ ^
TOOLS:
Pencil, Micron pen, Adobe Photoshop, Open canvas 4+
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Comments: 519
The color palette you have chosen for this image is nothing less than beautiful. It clearly conveys a sense of freshness and harmony that would make it stand out from all of the simple, bold designs that we see on the boxes of perfume today. The design of flowers and swirls are especially appealing because, to me, they are reminiscent of vanilla blossoms and chocolate, a sensation that is further enhanced by the warm hues in the image's foreground. And, we all know how much women are drawn to chocolate!
The model, while beautiful, is also mysterious as she hides beneath overhanging leaves and peeks coyly through a mask of flower petals and vines. There's no way I could afford insanely expensive perfume, but this box art would definitely tempt me to try a sample if one were available. I look at this and wonder: "What is her story?"
If you ever were of a mind to create a complementing piece, I imagine a similar work done in cool tones with a dark-haired maiden would pair nicely with this one. This maiden is a vision of life and summer -- what of the cool darkness of winter?
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Personally, I don't think there's too many things 'wrong' with this. It may be my opinion, but on its own, just in black and white it would be quite an elegant design. However, there are a lot of textures going on here- you have these wonderful watercolor-like textures, but then there are the clear and classic textures of digital brush tools and the circular dabs. It really distracts away from the true feeling of a unified piece, in some sort of way. It makes your eyes concentrate on the dotted areas, rather than the beautiful, sleek coloring of the rest of the piece.
Another thing that may have had an impact on this would have been color choice. Brown, pink and green do go nicely together with each other, but I think that the green is just a tad bit too bright in order to really do this justice. A little less saturation and lightness may help this. Bringing out more colors on the actual person may help as well. The brighter colors really drive away from her figure, and where they do carry your eyes around the composition nicely, she's a little too faded to really be 'in' the composition. She's gorgeous, but at the same time she looks like a see-through ghost as she's picking up the colors around her more than her skin color can shine through. Does that make sense? I dunno.
Also, I'm not sure if the curly hair 'glob' (if you will) really fits the picture. Her hair is flowing out relatively straight on the left side of the picture, and yet it's vastly curled on the right side. I think even if you thinned that hair mass out a little bit, it would definitely help. It feels out of place with the rest of the composition. I'm not saying that curls are bad! I'm just saying that it should have been toned down a little more.
Maybe it's just me, too, but the eye color choice is a bit strange with the teal eyeshadow around it. e.deviantart.com/emoticons/s/sā¦ " width="15" height="15" alt="
Anyways, I hope I made at least a little sense. >> That's my two cents on the matter. It is a really wonderful piece that really does excentuate the feeling of joy with such lovely spring colors and flowers.
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Well... this is my first critique here on DA, so first of all forgive me it it's not what people usually do, or perhaps what you were hoping for.
The drawing itself, even without the context you gave us, looks really well done. Personally i have got to say i love the colors, and the way they blend in together, i think it really connects with the feeling i initially guessed you were trying to portrait.
Even her figure is with very fine and defined lines that make her "come" out of the background, while connecting with it. I dare say the dress/tunic also fits perfectly on the composition.
One thing that i think is a bit strange is the bottle of perfume in front of her, it looks good if you think of it as an abstract thing, however knowing it's for the "Joy" i end up thinking it should fit more with the figure of the actual product (specially if it was meant to be it's box)
Overall: Great work, it's awesome... and to be true I'd love to see more artistic boxes for high priced products like perfumes. Instead of the bland things they come with.
Best regards,
Shay
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Having stared at this a while and re-read your comments, I can understand how the critique you've already received went.
I like the illustration, and I don't think it's at all inappropriate for perfume, and I think it would even read well when rendered small. I like fine detail especially for delicate subjects.
However I'll also say this: The perfume this puts me in mind of is unabashedly floral and designed to appeal to a post-60's aesthetic. It IS vibrant and bright. But it's also elegant and delicate. It's just not the normal "expensive perfume" pattern. For that reason I would expect this on youth-marketed perfume before perfume for "serious minded snobs" who are more likely to respond to embossed gold on purple velvet and silhouettes wreathed in minimally rendered maple leaves.
I will also say, that more perfume SHOULD look like this.
Bloody pattern/success-o-philes.
You don't get brilliant and new by continuing to do the same old thing.
Wealthy people need to loosen up their visual tastes.
Well done.
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I can definitely see this as a packaging illustration. It's a beautiful rendition of the feeling Joy, especially with the soft coloring and hues you have chosen. I personally do not think the colors are distracting at all, complementing each other while still giving a great contrast. It makes the warm colors look even warmer, while the cool colors even cooler, which is a great feat to me considering I have the hardest time with color.
What distracted me the most, however, is the thick brown lines, especially around the border, the feather and the abstract green shapes. I feel if the line weight was lighter around those areas, it would fall seamlessly with coloring style you have chosen, and give the female more focus.
My one last suggestion for this piece is to try actually making it into a physical execution of a package, keeping in mind different paper weight and textures will always affect the colors and feel. A digital view can be very misleading.
Overall, I'm still stunned by the care that went into this piece.
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First, this is a visually stunning piece.
Your choice of complementary colors and the style you chose to complete your assignment create a wonderful bit of eye candy.
In it's current form, shrunk down, most of the beauty of this piece would be lost. I can see this used, however, as the overall logo of a perfume; posters, advertisements, or the company logo.
A more simplistic version would no doubt appear embossed on the box itself, perhaps accenting the background flowers and the girl. Removing or toning down most of the detail work in her outfit could be a solution.
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I will have to agree with the critique you already received. The image is extremely lovely but I think it misses it's intended market. One way it does is because of the style you chose. I realize that this is what you do (and it's always lovely), but if you are trying to reach a mainstream group of women who look to buy very expensive perfume, then going with an anime influenced style is very alienating for them. They will see it as 'cartoony'.
This would probably appeal much more to a younger crowd, buying into a cheaper more available perfume or body mist. I think if you were going to do an art nouveau piece you should have pushed yourself even further into the realm of realism. Get a much more classic, ageless feel. Perhaps making the figure herself the age of the average age of the woman you were trying to sell this to. When you see higher end perfume adds today they are all about the mature woman being sexy. This doesn't say mature woman or sexy to me necessarily. Sexy doesn't mean dark, drab colours either. I actually think your pallette is very well chosen, but maybe narrowing it down even more would have helped keep a better cohesive feel (for instance, gold and green). As soon as you get all three primaries in there is starts to look like it's aimed at children, who are attracted to bright contrasting colours more so than adults.
As for the drawing, I would also suggest a bit of streamlining, keeping the detail to very specific sections, and keeping a theme of detail. You have a lot going on (flowers, dress design, hair, leaves, pattern overall). I would pic a central theme and stick to it, such as the roses or the lily's. With this image it's hard to discern a specific 'scent' that would be associated with it, which would be eliminated with less elements.
Giving certain details more space to breath by simplifying other places, as well as paring down your colour scheme might have helped give this a more high end perfume brand name feel.
I have to add that the execution is amazing. Your technique is basically flawless as well as your composition. It's totally gorgeous as a stand alone image.
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Though it's beautiful and I adore the image, =lone-momo is 100% right. If it were aimed at DeviantArt, it would have been totally fine, but as an advertisement for a perfume, it could use a little more focus on the group.
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I agree. This really gives off too much cartoony "feel" should have made it more graphic
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very well written
I agree
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Nothing hits the spot more than a smart person writing a smart critique.
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My main problem with this is simple - I wish the girl were more centered in the image, because that would create a focal point to draw the rest of the picture together. I don't think it would be terribly hard to come up with something to go on the other side of her, considering your skill.
The surrounding leaves and flowers are a fantastic touch, because they create a spiraling motion that draws attention towards the girl's face. It would be a good idea for you to experiment further with that kind of effect, I think.
Another problem is the color of the girl's eyes - they strike me as a tad too warm, and throw off the gentler shades around her. Nothing else about the colors should be changed - they are a perfect fusion of softness and vibrance, and blend perfectly.
I would love to see this in an actual advertising campaign! It has such vision and grace.
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This is a very beautiful piece. I especially love the colors and how none of the colors really stand out more than the rest, giving the picture a very soft look overall.
The only things I can think of that would possibly be detracting from the image, is there may be one or two too many elements (perhaps the vine in front of her face). Also, if you were particularly ambitious, if the lines weren't quite as thick, it would help the image appear even softer, without going over the top.
Great work, I think you did a wonderful job. I can easily see this as something on a perfume box, and it would catch my eye much sooner than the ones I usually see. I hope this was helpful!
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The curl of hair over her chest and the flower/vine over the face become too hard to read on a small scale and should go. Her face is gorgeous, and should be your primary focus for the whole image. Maybe replace the hair swirl with a curling vine that helps direct attention up into her face.
Brightness isn't an issue for me, except overall it's very low contrast, with nothing coming forward or moving back to focus viewer's eye. Pick some colors and/or design elements, like the green swirls, the red & gold in the dress dress, and/or the pink of the flowers & lips, & increase the tonal contrast between these & everything else so they pop and add some depth to the image as a whole.
Maybe also change the blues in the background & around her eyes to a warmer complimentary tone, to give everything a sense of uniformity that will help with the "busyness" and add a level of balance/harmony (examples: [link] & [link] ).
Still, all in all a joyously beautiful example of art nouveau e.deviantart.com/emoticons/b/bā¦ " width="15" height="15" alt="
Cheers! e.deviantart.com/emoticons/a/aā¦ " width="31" height="19" alt="
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Hi first of all, I'm a little bit nervous to write a critique for someone who proves himself to have an enourms amount of talent. And like it's allways with rating art, it's all a matter of personal opinion. Especially because I don't know what exactly your teacher wanted from you.
First of all, the overall impresion. You have done a great job in colouring, the background, the skin the hair and the flowers are all nice and calm and represent very well the theme of the image, which I think is spring and like the titel says joy.
What I really like too is the shining of her hair threw the white leaf.
I share the impression that it is to colourfull, but this is my personal opinion. You got the light blue background, the green leaves and it's much bigger counter part red, some yellow, the light brown outlines the bright skin which shows sparks of many colours including the orange eyes and hair and additionaly the light red flowers and this big white leaf. I can't say if the colour between the blue background and the body of the girl still is hair, it shows signs, the birghter lines including some darker, but there aren't anymore the outlines. This is confusing me a little bit.
You've choosen a typical and often used strutur. A problem I see it's out of the golden cut (i hope that's the right name) enlarge the frame to uncover more of the face and you are able to put the focus directly to the face of the women. The light brown/orange hairwhirl(?) in front of her would be more selfexplaining (the way I see it now is that it comes out of nothing)
Another thing leading the attantion away from the face is the fact that you made the background plus the skin all blury and with dots of lighter colours, and then the really strickt flowers and clothes. Additional you got a cold to warm contrast between the face (the light blue area arround her left eye) and leaves and flowers.
Well this is everything I can say q.q I hope it's ok and now I'm afraid of mad fangirls. Hope you can use what I wrote and that I did not make a mistake. Because it's still a great picture and I like it e.deviantart.com/emoticons/s/sā¦ " width="15" height="15" alt="
cya
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The light brown Outline has the picture fit smoothly in with the also very smooth looking background.
It is a very peaceful looking drawing, the colors are amazing, not flashy considering the colors chosen, but because of the lightness of the color is gives a very calm "fits into the the other" effect.
It blends. very well. I must say.
Her eyes are beautiful, i love the blue around them, her golden eyes stand out more profoundly with the blue outlining them.
All in all it is a very beautiful design, the outline must have looked just a pretty as it is colored since it is such a simple looking picture... yet it is not.
My eyes keep roaming at the orange veil behind her, I wonder if it is actually her hair. But makes the drawing even more appealing to look at. To have a sense of wonderment about what the artist might have wanted us to see. I love it.
Beautiful job.
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This is a very well done piece. Your pen work is flawless, colors are vibrant but not distracting, the tone is consistent but doesn't take away from the vibrancy of the colors. Over all a good looking piece.
In a professional stand point, if anything is to be modified, I would do something with the space you have in the upper left-hand corner. People tend to look at the brightest spot on a piece, so I would either tone it down, or do something with the space.
Unprofessionally however I think nothing should be changed. It is what it is, even if its only slightly distracting.
Well done!
Cheers!
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Well, from an artistic perspective, this is a nice piece. The composition is nice, and the green flower stems and things lead the eye about the piece. The colors are very pretty and it's overall just nice to look at.
However, there really isn't a focal point; I'm not sure if you're trying to make the girl the main part of the piece or not. The lightness of the leaf above her head distracts you from her face; I think that if you want to make her face pop you should deemphasize the leaf - make it less light than her face. Or you could make her face the boldest, most detailed part of the picture, as the eye will naturally focus on that... Her dress and the background (while very pretty) takes away some of the OOMPH of her face.
From a marketing perspective... well, I know nothing about marketing, but it seems to me that this doesn't really seem to be marketing any one thing. It could be perfume, but I could also see this being used for shoes or clothes or whatever. What is the brown thing in the lower right? A perfume bottle?
I'd suggest playing up the "perfume" aspect of the whole thing and playing down the "pretty springtime girl" aspect. Tone down the colors and detail and perhaps place a perfume bottle or something that clearly represents perfume in a more central part of the composition.
I'm not sure if this crit made any sense at all, but still, it's a very pretty picture, marketing or not.
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Although your work is stunning, I agree that it is be too busy for a perfume ad. The woman is beautiful but might appear too much like an illustration for a children's book. I think it would benefit from less detail in the woman's clothing, the earrings, that swirl in front of her is rather superfluous, and the outline of her eyes could be softer. I think the leaf at the top and floral eye-vine would look better coming from the bottom-right, but leave the flowers in her hair. I like the effect of the splotchy colors on the hair and background.
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I think Idkit is right, but I have to say, it is absolutely lovely and would stunning with clear glass behind it.
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Wow! This is amazing. I really like the whole feel of the picture. It feels really peaceful and serene. I love the abstract feel of it, and the fact that she seems like a goddess of sorts.
The color choice on this one is amazing! The mixture of warm and cools really gives it the feeling of a sunny day out. It does to me, at least.
I love her expression, and all the details. I can't really pick out anything wrong with it.. It doesn't seem too busy to me, either. The design is amazing (I particularly like the way the leaf on the top is slightly transparent).
Ohh, how her eyes tell a story.. I adore this piece <3 Wonderful.
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This piece passes on a lot of levels, but falls short on a big one - I call it the 'greyscale test.' Mentally (or literally, since it's a Photoshop work) put the piece into greyscale, and re-evaluate. The loss of the bright riot of colour immediately knocks the impact of the work way, way down: the only thing darker than about a middle grey is the lineart, and while that is beautifully executed, it ends up looking very busy, because there isn't anything else to visually anchor the image.
Pale pieces with a delicate colour range are always tough - it's immediately tempting to enforce the mood and the sense of delicacy by keeping the colours pastel / high-key, but that's exactly what you've done here, and so you see exactly why it's hard - there isn't a strong pattern of dark colour / shadows to weight the image or dictate the way our eye moves through it, so our eyes start following what darks there are - the lineart - and end up feeling very muddled and unfocused.
I don't have any issues with the composition, so my suggestion for improving the work would be to evaluate and revise your use of colour. I don't have a problem with the palette you've chosen - the various blues / greens / siennas work together in a harmonious way that creates a very specific feel, you just need more contrast. You don't have to put 'black' in a piece; if 75% of the work is smoky-pale, then dove-grey will seem very dark. Carefully evaluate the pattern of your darks - they do need a pattern, they're pretty random here. Assemble the colour with an eye towards reining in the motion of the lineart - it is intricate and beautiful, and I do not recommend simplifying it, but it does need some restraint / careful assembly of the values around it or it just becomes overwhelming.
It's a nice work as is; however it could be simply jaw-dropping with a little revision. e.deviantart.com/emoticons/s/sā¦ " width="15" height="15" alt="
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I enjoy this piece, but there's a few points that set it aside from some of your earlier works.
One thing that definitely sticks out at me is the lack of strong variation of value. The darkest areas are the linework, and that itself is toned in a warm shade of brown, so it tends to come forward rather than bringing out the vibrant, watercolor-washed colors you used in the painting/drawing. The lack of value also makes the drawing very flat, and though the linear forms point to what seems to be the focus of the work, the girl's face, the colors do not help emphasize the detail, and it gets lost in the wash of warm colors. Also, I feel that the brown border around the image is unnecessary and makes the image look more contained than the drawing suggests (considering how right off-center it is).
The use of similar tones with the hair and flowers, and well as her completion make her look more pale than she really is, and this is also because of the lack of definite darks and shadows. Adding a little bit of even a bluish hue behind her head (in the greens and reds of her hair) would help pop out the pink in the flowers and in her complexion.
I like what you did with the blue background! You were able to make blue look warm, but it still reads as blue, so the background definitely reads as farther away than the rest of the image. The slightly darker blues/teals near her face begin to add a sense of depth, but I think you can take that further. I like that the blue color is reiterated in the shadows of her face, but again, adding a cooler shade of blue would make her golden eyes pop even more.
The only other thing that bothers me is how the focus is far over to the right. This can cause a lot of composition problems but you did a good job balancing the image with the addition of the clay pot and the white feather/fern. But even so, I wish there was something breaking up the pale whiteness of her skin and the feather--the right side of the image is very heavy in means of white balance. Maybe if she was wearing a necklace, or some of her darker hair was trailing in the wind across her neck? Adding a little bit of shadow to the leaf above her head would help make the image a little bit more three-dimensional, as well.
(By the way, some of your work I was thinking of as I looked at your piece were: [link] [link] [link] [link] . All have excellent contrast and good sense of 3D!)
Overall, you are doing a great job e.deviantart.com/emoticons/s/sā¦ " width="15" height="15" alt="
And most of all, I hope this was helpful to you. Wonderful work, as always.
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I like this piece. It is a comfortable, relaxing blend of colors, tones and shapes. I especially like the facial structure of "Joy". The shape and set of her eyes lend a sense of innocence and mischief that is irresistable. But there is also a seriousness to the overall structure of the face that gives one pause.
I'm not certain I get a sense of joy from this piece, however. I can see where someone who appears to be as grounded as the subject here is would probably be adept at experiencing joy; but I don't get the sense that she is currently experiencing that.
Nevertheless, the piece does evoke a sense of centered calm that makes me want to delve more deeply into the nature of the character in the painting. I love a piece of art that drives me to dig for understanding and connection. This piece has that in spades.
Nicely done!
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First off, the design and colors are gorgeous, a very earth tone yet still playful and fun, I could see this on a folder or journal or even a poster. The transparency of the leaf is nice. Her eyes are beautiful! Critique would be, I think her neck is a little thin for the rest of her body, just maybe a slightly a little thicker and it would look nice. A few point places seem to have the light source a little off on the plants. I like the design as a whole though, extremely beautiful and very well executed.
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Love the Art Nouveau style you got going on.
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As it is, its a really nice work, lines, colors, all good. As an illustration , reminds me of an illustration for Tazo tea or some sort of anime goddess story. Id say, for a perfume illustration, have more floral thingies floating in the air, sth indicative of 'smells', and more focus on that rather than the figure.
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this is simply fantastic!
the soft color really compliments the imaginary feel...
Excellent job
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The colors give her a fey, fairy-like appearance. With her hair fading to the left, there's the sense that she may not be all solid and all there, but drifting away like a dream.
NIcely done.
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I love the combination of colours and her soft face.
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u did a great job.. if i had money id buy it ^.^ crazy big into art
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This is EXACTLY what I was looking for when I typed in the word "joy". Beautiful!
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This picture made my day.
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