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Shira-chan — Coming Up Aces
Published: 2013-05-17 00:55:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 7615; Favourites: 54; Downloads: 0
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Description
Warning: This coming is NSFW. It's got lots of naked people in it. If you don't wanna see that, don't click on it.Read the Comic
I don't talk about myself and my personal issues very much. If there's ever anything I need to get off my chest, I make it into a comic. I don't really consider this a "coming out" story so much as just a story that needed to be told. I still don't think it's a big deal or anything I need to proclaim to the world or fuss over, and this realization didn't really change anything about how I live my life or approach my relationships, but it did make me feel MUCH less self-conscious about certain aspects of myself.
The artwork isn't my best, but I wasn't really focused on the art as much as just telling the story and getting it on paper. I wasn't even planning on posting it online, but I honestly like how it turned out, and I want to show it off.
In related news, I got a bunch of new pens from jetpens.com and I think I'm in love!
Edit: Like I said, I don't talk about myself very much. I'm not great at answering all sorts of questions and stuff. So if you have any questions or all-encompassing opinions about asexuality, you should take a second to watch this video first. It'll answer your questions a lot better than I can, and personally it would make me feel a little less awkward about answering all the questions I've been getting.
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Comments: 57
You and I are so much alike...I wish I could explain this to my boyfriend.
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I can actually really relate to never having looked at a hot guy and thinking 'damn, I want him to screw me.' although otherwise I'm into it. I just never find myself attracted to actual people like that, even though I definitely do drool over guys.
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Truthfully, I would go to a doctor just so I see what a true orgasm would feel like, but only that I'm not saying anything is wrong with being asexual and that their is anything to be fixed, but I would try for curiosity sake and if you don't like what they present or the effect after trying just walk away. Regardless I hope you find happiness.
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I'm assuming opening up the relationship was never on the table...
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*de-ghosts after…years* I have to say, I greatly respect you for having the courage to put yourself out there like this. It’s hard enough having a simple opinion online without being harassed, but covering a real, personal issue like this…well, I’m not certain I could’ve walked into a minefield blindfolded, then walked out the other side with my head held high. *grins* So a big kudos for that!
As someone who had, and still has, a very limited interest in sex (partially due to a crippling phobia about pregnancy, among other issues), there was a time I honestly thought something was wrong with me. I didn’t even know someone could be asexual…the few friends and sources I felt brave enough to ask immediately pushed medicine, therapy, exercises…I was bombarded with ideas on how to ‘fix’ myself, so I could start thinking ‘right’.
I was lucky enough to have an understanding husband (12+ years now!) who was - and still is - willing to wait. If I truly had been asexual…well, there are no words to express how lucky I feel knowing that one person doesn’t think I’m ‘broken’, and will stand beside me, and love me for who I am. I can only hope you find the same, as you shouldn’t have to change yourself, or meet some illusionary standard set by others.
I sincerely hope you find a great match someday; you deserve love, and to be loved, with no strings attached. As long as you’re honest and upfront about your orientation, they should never have reason to hold it against you. It might take a lot of searching, but I really hope you find a great guy in the future!
Anyway, thank you for posting this; for opening up a delicate, personal story to others, and keeping it up despite all the negativity you’ve gotten. Some of us appreciate seeing it, and perhaps some will even find answers to their own doubts/questions about being asexual…or at least realize they aren’t alone, and should never have to feel ashamed!
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Thank you for that 
I went back and forth a LOT about whether I should actually post this online or not before finally doing it. I only put it up with the intention of telling a story, but I'm really glad that I've been able to help people or change their day a little bit.
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I've heard mention of this comic before on Tumblr, but today I finally found a link and read it in full. First off, thank you for taking the time to make this comic, having the bravery to tell your story and face all the doubters - nobody has the right to tell you what do to with your body and anyone who offers advice on "fixing" your sexual orientation (or claims that you should WANT to be "fixed") is, quite frankly, full of shit. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a healthcare provider or some random internet commenter, don't give those people a second of your time - they are the identity police, and they aren't worth it.
Secondly, as a grey-asexual person (more "asexual" than "grey" - the man I'm currently dating is the only person I've ever had any sexual interest in) dating a guy who can best be described as "apasexual" (heterosexual with little/no interest in sex), I could identify with this comic quite well. Without getting into details, we have differing romantic, sensual and sexual needs, and navigating these needs and compromising is sometimes challenging. We seem to have found common ground, but I'm always worried that things might fall out of balance and that one of us might end up resentful of the other. So far, we've been quite good at mutually respecting needs and boundaries, and I'm beyond thankful that we view each others' sexualities as integral parts of our identities rather than "conditions" in need of "correction".
At any rate, if or when you decide to date again, I hope that you'll be able to find somebody who is respectful of your orientation, wants and needs as well. Life is too short to be spent in the company of the willfully-ignorant or purposefully-disrespectful - do what makes you happy and feel right.
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Thank you so much
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soooooooo... you are expecting a compromise, while resenting being asked to compromise. I respect your feelings, but do not understand them.
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I never said I was right or that I was infallible, I'm simply telling the story as it happened. Both parties were wrong, it was mean and ugly from both ends, but nobody is perfect in real life, and things don't always make sense our have happy endings.
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True, I agree. However it's still sad to see people going through emotionally trying times. I didn't intend to sound judgmental, I was just expressing that I couldn't understand or relate to your actions. Going through a ....similar issue myself at the moment (my fiance is rather easy to please and she clocks out on me before I even get anywhere) I guess made me willing to comment.
I'm not saying you're broken, in fact I do hope you can come to some level of compromise in your life where all parties are happy, because I believe that everyone deserves that. Relationships are a mutual thing. Neither side can expect the other to just ignore a problem, or carry all the weight of any issue. Its unhealthy for all concerned.
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I'm asexual and I love being myself. I do sometimes worry how it will effect my future relationships but I believe if someone really loves me they'll accept me and work with what I have. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your message that there's nothing wrong with us.
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Another happy asexual here. I agree with you, there needs to be more positive and truthful representations of asexuality as a normal sexual orientation like any other. I just wish discussions of asexuality didn't bring out so many close-minded and rude people.
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Amen. I'm happy in my skin, but people can be very belittling about it. They love to tell us we don't understand ourselves or that we have some mental or physical problem. I love it when the comic said "Why don't YOU go see a doctor to decrease your sex drive?" Woot!
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I don't understand why there are people who tell you to see a doctor, even though there really isn't anything medically wrong. I wish you the best in your endeavors, I know that doesn't mean much coming from some guy on the internet but I'm certain that you'll find the right guy. (:
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Well, im pretty happy you submit it here! because its a really interesting comic ò_ó
I never really knew what asexual thinked and this is kind of revelating >-<
I dont know it this comment annoys you in some way, but uh, i damn love this OTL
i hope you find somebody who can accept you *^*
and really thans for submit this to the net <3
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A key thing to remember is that sexuality is not static or easily definable. I don't think you're asexual by the strict definition because that usually involves no attraction to any sex in general. You're obviously attracted to the opposite sex but aren't particularly interested in the act of intercourse itself. This isn't THAT unusual. Females as opposed to males have a much more emotional and less physical reaction to the whole procreation thing. The fact is that female enjoyment of the act is not critical to the continuation of the species. Whether you enjoy it or are interested in it or not, all that really matters is that the male provides the right material when your body is receptive. I've met females who are completely indifferent to those who like it but aren't particularly excited by it, to those who are even much more aggressive than males. It's partially psychological and partially physiological and this is subjective to change at any given moment. A female may be totally disinterested for 20 years and then suddenly find herself insatiable. Likewise males, while stereotypically are horny bastards can be subject to similar rules. I, for example, are only receptive and horny when I am relatively low stressed. You involve a large amount of stress from work or personal life and i'll tell you to F off and go masturbate whilst watching "The L Word". Meanwhile I'm going to play skyrim.
So here's my advice. Talk to any person you are in a relationship with and let them know that you aren't particularly interested in sex. While some may find this a dealbreaker, a good portion of us are perfectly fine with making out and then jerking off in the shower. If it's not particularly an issue let them occasionally engage in sexual intercourse with you. While this may not particularly interst you, it probably does interest the dude in question. I'm not saying to let them get away with whatever they want, but at least appease them now and again when your mood prohibits. Lastly try not to feel guilty about it. While it is inevitable that most guys will occasionally be disappointed, we're a pretty hardy and understanding bunch. We're used to handling our issues ourselves and can deal with it. What we really appreciate is a loving and supporting partner. While total disinterest can drive away some guys, most of us our perfectly fine handling our issues as long as we occasionally get a bit of tail (or oral).
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There are various degrees of asexuality, actually, and a lot of times it does include being attracted to other people.
[link]
I appreciate the advice and the information, and I do realize that sexuality is fluid and can be subject to change, but a big part of sexuality is also being comfortable with your lifestyle and choices and labels you give to yourself. This label makes me feel comfortable with myself, and that's all that really matters right now
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I think I got a little carried away there, even re-covering some of the stuff you covered in the comic. And thanks for the link btw. I wasn't aware that there were degrees, although obviously I should have known that. I should probably look into it more. So just to share/relate a bit. My last GF dumped me for pretty much the same reason you and your bf split. I was interested in kissing and cuddling and playing with her boobs and whatnot and thought she was gorgeous, but little to no interest in sex most of the time. Like you, I did engage in it with her sometimes when she suggested/whined but it mostly seemed like work. I wasn't that into it and I don't know about the female side of things but the male side is pretty difficult when the libido just isn't there. There is of course the thought or even worry that maybe it's something medical. I did actually go to the Dr. and had hormone and chromosome tests done and they could't find anything physically wrong.
I was off the GF scene for about 3 years before I started dating again. I've scared off a couple women with the fact that I have a very low libido, i'm still friends with them but there are times I just think about giving up entirely on finding someone. So yeah. I know you are already aware but there are more people with similar situations out there of both genders.
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Huh, never saw you as asexual, but you're great the way you are! It's hard for me to think someone's never had sex or orgasmed when I'm the exact opposite, but you should just do whatever's comfortable to you
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I recommend you at least try masturbation once or twice. Explore yourself.
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I recommend you don't tell other people what to do with their bodies.
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I think my fiancee could really get behind this story. She's Asexual as well. She's perfect just the way she is, and I wouldn't have her any other way. You don't need to see a doctor, there's nothing wrong with you. However, I think you should be open to potential relationships about being Asexual. That way, a compromise can be made from the get-go, or a potentially disastrous break-up over it can be avoided. But that's just my two cents
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As an indifferent third party, maybe you should consider seeing some kind of doctor. The fact of the matter is that having no sex drive is abnormal and it might actually be some sort of symptom caused by some external force.
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Asexuality is an actual sexual orientation, just like being homosexual or heterosexual. It's not a medical condition any more than trying to say that being gay or being straight is only a symptom of some pre-existing medical or mental condition.
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Even if we are to assume that asexuality is a sexual orientation, that doesn't guarantee that you are asexual. I'm just saying that there are a lot of different reasons for low libido, and you might want to check out if your feelings about sex are being caused by low hormones or an unbalanced diet or something like that. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life but it doesn't seem like you've exhausted all the possibilities before jumping on the asexual bandwagon, at least judging from the comic you drew.
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I appreciate your bravery and honesty. It moved me to examine my own somewhat similar situation and it helped me realize that it may not be considered 'normal' (if there's such a thing) or 'like other people' but my partner and I are perfectly happy. Sex isn't everything after all.
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Brave of you to express this. Really, be true to yourself. I think it's interesting that you're willing to put up with some things for your love and you're not the only one that feels this way, I know.
I respect your willingness to express your story. Thank you; it makes me feel like I understand you a little more.
And yeah, jetpens rawks for their stuff.
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These days... not the comic heroes are the true heroes. In my opinion we're the heroes, and you're a very-very-very Brave one! So, thank you for sharing your story (and the issues within), I think it can be helps so much people, to understanding things, what are 'not normal'.
Er, this is a totally normal behaviour, that's all. Oh, my G...
runs off. :'D
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thank you for that. really, thank you. even if the situation in my head is not exactly the same (I consider myself more of a grey-asexual or whatever, why should I need to label myself at all...), I am currently in the confusing process of trying to understand who I am in regards to my sexuality, trying to accept, to know that there is nothing wrong with me (well, there's a lot of things that are wrong, but not that), just trying to be and to relearn to like who I am. so, again, thank you.
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I'm not a big fan of labels, either. But I did see an interview that I like that says that labels aren't for slapping a sticker on our foreheads and advertising it to the world... It's so people can talk to each other about these kind of things. Stuff like grey-sexual and heteroromantic and demi-sexual are just words to help us and others communicate what we're experiencing. Labels aren't definitions of a person, just ways of understanding them.
I kind of liked that, anyway
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It was indeed good for me to learn these terms. It was nice to know how to describe this to somebody, what word to use to communicate or search for information or maybe find people who experience similar stuff and possibly already overcame some of the stuff I'm still struggling with. and in a weird way it was nice to see that there is a definition for what I am, it made me feel normal and stop thinking that maybe there's something wrong with me.
but enough with the incoherent rambling.
thanks again for making my day.
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I think you handled it very well. You didn't make the comic all about you, or make it seem like you were being given a really hard time over it, as some people do. And in the end, you're still happy with who you are, right? That's something that some people struggle with all their life, wheter they are asexual, bisexual, homosexual, straight, pansexual. So I'd say you're a very lucky lady.
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I happen to like the artwork, but then I'm a big fan of web comics. xD
It's really well done, awesome.
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i have a reply for this, but it's probably nothing anyone hear wants to hear. so i'll just take my leave.
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Well that was quite a nice read; I love personal stories. ^-^ The pacing is great, the anatomy's realistic, the art is clean and varied, and the whole thing's an engaging story. Great job! You are right to take pride in the outcome, and it's nice to hear life's going well.
Thanks for sharing something so personal; it's a real treat. Go rock at life, Ace!
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This is really great. I have a low sex drive myself. Not totally asexual, but pretty low. Sometimes I feel like I'm neglecting my husband's needs, but it's just that most of the time having sex doesn't even cross my mind. And he's a very sexual person, so it can be kind of a strain. Also, I'm kind of grossed out by lady parts, including my own, which doesn't help. Glad to see that I'm not a total freak. <3
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Awesome comic that needed to be made. My best friend is an ace, and don't get how hard it is for others to understand. She doesn't want to have sex. She'll watch porn and fangirl of yaoi with me, but the actual act has no appeal to her. That's pretty straight forward in my book.
But I do also understand how that can be difficult in a relationship in which one person is sexual. I believe an ace can be in a relationship and have sex not be an issue, but that's something very personal that must be worked on <3
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Great strip! However, you can't expect any boyfriend you may have to simply accept that you're asexual. Tell him early so he knows what he's getting into. Compatible sex drives are one aspect of a successful relationship; not the only one, but and important one.
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Well, in my case, I didn't even realize that I might be asexual until over a year into our relationship. But now that I know, it's something I can talk about with anyone before we start getting into a serious thing, right?
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Absolutely; now that you know, it's very important to bring up early. The majority of people you'll encounter will not be asexual. They'll want to have intimate relations on a regular basis, probably more rather than less given that (I believe) you're in your twenties. Believe me, guys who're in their twenties think about sex all the friggin' time!
It's important that you find someone whose sex drive approximates your own... *and* whom you get along with otherwise. Or you may do well in a poly relationship, where you have a primary relationship for companionship, finances, and all the other reasons people have relationships, but your partner may go outside of it for intimate companionship. Or... or... yeesh, there are all sorts of creative options!
Regardless, it'll be complicated. Still, understanding who you are is a wonderful, important thing!
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<3
I'm plenty sexual myself, but I still think snuggles are the best thing ever :3
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I liked this, but I missed the both-perspectives thing. I know, it's your perspective, you shouldn't need to draw both, but I guess I come from kind of the other end of the spectrum, so I can feel you the "relationship issues" part, even if not in the details.
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual. Have you tried having a relationship with a woman though? It could be more fulfilling.
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