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rozniy — It's okay
Published: 2011-06-19 10:00:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 1457; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 11
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It'll be all right...Related content
Comments: 16
It's pencil, followed by a 0.5 or maybe 0.1mm ink marker. Then erase pencil lines.
Then scan.
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just out of curiosity, what prog did you use to draw that? I'm more handy with a pencil than a mouse ....
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It's pencil, followed by a 0.5 or maybe 0.1mm ink marker. Then erase pencil lines.
Then scan.
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Haaaahaaahaaaahaaaaaahaaaaa *GASP* haahaahaaa
At least you're using a scanner. I usually just take a photo of it ...
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I started inking it when I saw that scanning pencil lines results in a rather faint drawing. Apparently graphite particles reflect light, so the lines are never as dark as you expect it.
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what's the weather like there? It's -33 deg C right now
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It's transitioning from monsoon to hot season.
It's getting hard to sleep at night, cuz it's blazing all day and clouds up at night trapping the heat. That actually happened the night before viva, so didn't sleep well, but I guess adrenaline and two rehearsals the day before (talking to myself) were enough.
Do you still practice tai chi? It should be done every day. I ind it helps with anxiety attacks. I actually had to cut back tai chi from 20 mins to 10 mins because it had such a calming effect, I would be placid like a hippie all day and not get any work done! LOL!
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Yeah, I still do the 8 pieces of brocade in the mornings.
I think the anxiety is also from that near miss bombing in London, too. I kinda did not let my mind process the fear that day (was busy with them medics) and kinda developed into a delayed shock thing. Couldn't take the tube or the bus for a couple of months - walked to work and back during that time, all 15 miles daily.
Here's one thing that only Along Idah (she passed away last year, our Norwegian wed cousin) knew but never let on; I was raped by one of my teachers in the late 90's. Being scared of losing my MARA scholarship at the time, I did not report it, as them MARA london people are very fond of "taking away scholarships for any mis-behaviours". I dumped my boyfriend that time as well (you've met him at the airport, before I first went to the UK) because I knew he can never accept the "lack of virginity" even from a rape victim, such is the programming for "purity" drummed into lads in Malaysia. At the time Mak and Bapak was being difficult, and in one fit of anger Mak once said that "any bad things that happens(ed) to me is all my own fault for being a horrible daughter, and she hoped I'll never 'cium bau syurga'."
so there. Does it make more sense now, why I was suicidal for many years? I kinda became a workaholic for so many years, just so I never get tempted by alcohol, as I know if I ever start drinking, I'll be in the gutters in no time. I would actually go the the student union bar, order whiskey on the rocks, stare at it for a couple of hours, then give it to the person sitting on my right, and repeat this every time I get messed up pretty bad. I got hooked to nicotine, though, and still do. I took up running at one point, as it induces a "meditative trance state" (a bit like Kasei's Lung Gom Pa martian meditation run) but I ran too much and broke my shin bone 
I would never tell mak and bapak what happened, as they would feel ashamed, and they've gone through so much pain and misery of their own, it would make things worse and they'll start accusing each other for that. I told pipi about it casually once, but he all but ignored it. I talk a lot to Vaska and he purrs back. At times it get so bad I would attack andrew in my sleep. Sometimes, to kill the Dragon, you have to face it, instead of hiding behind psychoactive drugs and stupid therapists.
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Well, you're talking to an on-off depressive with same sex attraction thingy (I used to have a crush on Scott Baiao whn I was little 
Remember when I told you how late one night, some guy propositioned me for sex, thinking I was a bohjan? I was drinking coffee outside a 7-11 about 1am or so...
Haha... well, he acted really friendly for a bit, I thought he wanted to be a friend and I was very naive... I think we baffled each other. The sexual proposition came from nowhere, I was shocked and took off right away on my motorbike.
Couple of weeks after that I sort of had a slow-burn anger thing. And I thought, "Why am I angry? Strange, nothing happened?" I meditated to a state of detachment, then stood back and analyzed.
I think I was shocked that someone played with me like that. I can only imagine what would happen if it had gotten any further; maybe I would explode or implode?
I can kind of empathize I guess... the first shock is the betraying of trust. I don't know about the further shocks.
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Do you like my drawings, by the way?
You might have noticed some creepy comments on my drawings eg the boxer series... Honestly, I thought boxing was a "safe" subject. It's not like I'm drawing yaoi.
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How did you know I have a Deviantart account?
Oh, you just google rozniy....
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Dude, graphite behaves like metal ...
Sooo ... how did your viva go? Are you a Dr Who yet?
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Yes, viva was fine, but now comes the tedious bit of the final final final corrections.
Yes, the examiners said congrats, so I guess I have a PhD like Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.
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Well done then. At least bapak can now stop pestering me to finish one. I just can't anymore - just looking at it makes me have a panic attack so bad I thought I was going to have a heart attack, or I'd go catatonic for several days
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truth be told, I'm rather tired of it myself.
Coming up with ideas was fun. Writing is so boring.
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Erks, just talking about my unfinished phd gave me a bad anxiety attack all day. I still dont have medical insurance here, so been without my usual meds for a year. I really hated taking them - it made me really stupid! So stupid, I found no enjoyment in music, math, science, etc but I was calm all the time.
So decided to bite the bullet and move to canada and see if a change in scenery and wash out the poison out of my system will help.
Maybe it did, as I find it's no longer a "hard to think" and my mental iPod is back in tune, and I can focus on things longer ... but now I have real bad panic attacks when things are stressful. So bad, I default into "screen saver mode" 
But at least I can do my differential equations and write coherently again! Teaching was really difficult on antipsychotic meds! No wonder Pak Lang refused treatment. I hope I wont end up as bad as him though.
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