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Ravenfire — SoA: Chapter 16
Published: 2004-04-16 20:01:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 743; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 169
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Description
Back to Tear and Echo as they head down into the darkness with Lord Byron, seeking the Oracale of Shadow. Will they find the answers they seek? What aweful price will the demons ask of the Lords of the Light Fae?This chapter is one of my faces... proves that yes, I really am as twisted as you think I am. *evil laugh*
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Comments: 21
Now i remebr why i loved this story so much i cant eblieve i havnt been here for support for the longest of times yest agian it amazes me how well you write i wish the best of wishes to you in getting this published my parents think im obsessed becopuse i even made a veloreum t shirt hehe 
jeremy
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You made a Vel t-shirt? Really? Can you take a pic and post it so I can see it? *begs* That's like the coolest thing ever, babe. *hug* You know I love ya. ^_^
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of course i will it will be in as soon as possble
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awwww dats so sad ;_; Little kids dting...ohwell...still made a great chapter
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This is quite a story you've spun Raven my dear, after reading the first 16 chapters I find myself intertwined in the plot, and waiting for what happens next. UPDATE DAMMIT.
...Onto other things now.
POSSIBLE EDITS:
"The spell was dark and complicated, one of the most powerful binding spells that ancient people of magic knew. As he completed each part of the spell, a lock upon the great door would open."
The whole spell thing, a cheesy overload, it's making it seem little kid-ish. You could use more decription on how the door opened, maybe 'as soon as Bryon completed the first part of the spell a metallic screech was heard, and a lock fell open...yaddah yaddah yaddah'
Try giving the oracles names, it'd help clear things up a bit, and make it seem more professional.
It of bugs me how Echo is always reffered to as 'The Child of Light' she's just as important as all the other Avatars, I suppose you do that for varaity though...
"His eyes had turned silver and a pure silver fire engulfed him. Truly he looked the High Lord of the Light Fae."
The sliver part sounds sort of...off, try rephrasing that. Truly he looked should be part of that sentence, use a comma.
"They laughed and a deadly fire burned in their eyes where void had been before. “You cannot, Dark Fae. You do not have the power.”
“No, but I do,” said Velorum as he came landing in front of them, sword drawn. He turned for a moment to Bryon. “You should learn not to leave your door open for just anyone to walk in.” "
Major cheesyness overload there, Vel's last comment sounds as if he should say that later on, not make it part of his dynamic enterance, e_e.
Last Reaction:
Yay, Echo's awake, let her kick butt!
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You brilliant, twisted, EVIL woman.
The Oracles were amazing, far better than anything I could have expected. You outdid yourself with this chapter! It really drew me in, I didn't stop once while reading it.
Twisted and wicked, but just a reminder that nothing comes for free, not even to Echo and Tear. (Tear is gonna be UPSET when he wakes back up...) And Echo's awake, that means things really starting up now. Eeeeeee... o_o
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The Oracles are very scary. This chapter is so dramatic and captivating. I love the way it is so sad and engrossing. The violence helps to bring another level to the characters. It is also written very well so that you cant believe what might be about to happen. Then ofcourse another cliffhanger ending. I like the way Echo and Tear are deeply moved and seen in a new light seen in a new light by the way they react to terrible tradgedy. Also the way the Byron seems to be torn apart by the fact he has some reputation to withold! Nicely done!
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*hug* THANKS! I love Byron, I really do. To be honest he's one of my absolutely favorite characters, mostly because of the duality of his being. He is neutral, but at heart he's a good guy.
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I love his sort of arrogant flair
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-has a spazz attack- NARRRFFF. MUST HAVE MOORREE... FEEED ME MOOREE. that sounded kinda weird o_O' i meant... like another chapter xD ; ;' I must buy one of these when it comes out -nodnod- I MUUSSTTT. I WIIILLL X3 ; ;' heh... xD
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Wow, now she is awake... things get interesting...
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eee!! no!!! it cant end like that! i need more...*sniff sniff* i always hate it when the chapters end...no fun.
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Oh Raven! Echo is AWAKE!! *squeee* I didn't expect it to happen so abruptly. Wow... that really took me by surprise. The plot thickens. I could really feel Tear's pain in there, the pain of knowing that it was his fault the children were slain, and being torture like that. It made me want to shiver. *pokes Vel for being such a stubborn woolhead*
As per usual:
...refusing the blood of children, having that much conscience at least that they...
And, whatever "loose" in this, should be "lose". I'm sure that I only saw one in there.
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That's awesome.. I couldn't pictue the deons as being beautiful though... I saw horrific mummified beings.. not beautiful at all... At least Velorum is starting to look how he should.
Oh, and for typoes, you're getting better. I only noticed a few cases where you used the wrong conjugation of a verb... like forgetting to put an s at the end or something like that *huggles* the story is getting really good now and I can't wait to read more.
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omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg....*goes into spasmitc cunvulsing over what she just read*
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*laugh* You're too cute. ^_^
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awwwww thankies...have a cupcake..*hands over a pink sprinkltastic cupcake*
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I can't wait to read what's going to happen next... *bites nails*
Great chapter
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i just noticed in a couple of the chapters u mispelled patience as patients
jus thot u mite like ta kno
arielle
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*grin* I'm a terrible speller. >.<
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its all good
arielle
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