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Otame-Chan — FullMetal Alchemist OC: Anna Detres
Published: 2014-03-30 21:15:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 1472; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 5
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Description
Yay! This is her and her bio!Name: Anna Detres (lol I took my friend's last name)
Nicknames: Ann, Annie (much to her dislikes), Lightning Alchemist, Lightning
Alchemist Name: Lightning Alchemist
How it happens (or how to explain it scientifically): She can use alchemy to change the particles in the air to super conductors while she moves electrons through it, and BAM! Instant Lightning Boi!
(I think I did it right)
Age: 15 (series), 18 (end of series)
Gender: Female
Personality: Short tempered, determined, kind, caring, smart-ass, witted, intelligent, tomboyish, nice, helpful
Appearance: Black and Blonde medium length hair with the bangs covering her automail eye, gray automail arm with a lightning alchemy sign imprinted on the back hand, grey gloves, grey coat, black tank top, black pants, black and grey kombat boots with built in knives at the toe-heel, golden eyes, automail eye
Family: Unknown, deceased, Edward Elric (future husband)
Species: Human
Occupation: State Alchemist
Rank: *somewhere inbetween Major and Minor*
Abilities: Alchemy, Martial Arts
Weapons: Alchemy, Automail arm and eye, throwing knives, swords, and staffs
Unique Traits: Automail right arm and left eye, black and blonde hair, golden eyes
Goal: Avenge her family's death, bringing peace to the world, making alchemy used only for good deeds
Voiced by: Kelly Hu
If there is anything Mary-Sue-ish about her, please let me know and I will try to fix it.
DO NOT STEAL
FullMetal Alchemist- Hiromu Arakawa, Toonami
Anna Detres- Me
Base-
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Comments: 16
There's no such thing as automail eyes, right? And her goal is one of the most cliche goals in life I've ever heard. Besides that, she's alright, But PLEASE, for your sake rather than mine, Don't make her all sensitive and secretive about her automail. That trait is reserved for Ed. Literally EVERYONE else with automail is ok with everybody knowing about it, and they even take pride in it. I think it would be cool to see an OC who's not a sensitive twat about her awesome steampunk appendages for once.
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And "Minor" is not a military rank.
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Hi there! I checked theought your characters info and all, and. I think I would like to give some suggestions to you? 
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Sure! I'd love to have some!
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First, I need to know some things about the character before I start suggesting.
I pardon on advance if I sound mean at any point, I sometimes cannot write everything as nicely as supposed. But I mean good afterall,
So first, I'd like to know something about her past: How did she lose her arm, what actually happened to her family (she wants to avenge, I assume?), and how did she develope the technique of Lightning Alchemy, as yound as she is now? Dd she copy soneone else's research or is she just incredibly clever girl?
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Okay, thats cool. Here's the answers:
1: Anna lost her arm while trying to bring her mom back when she died from a rare sickness that her father gave her. Anna's dad was actually an assasin and he had to kill someone in his family to keep the job. Anna was a clever young girl who was fascinated in magic and paranormal abilities. She tried to do the Human Transfer on her mom but it didnt work, so the alchemy took her right arm and left eye.
2: Anna's parents never got along well, so they gave her a hard life. Anna's dad was a secret assasin and her mother just stayed home and cared for the house. When her dad made her mom get sick and die, the assasin league tricked him into killing his own wife. They then murdered Annas dad poisoned him. Now that Anna is bigger and tougher, she wants revenge on that assasin league for the death of her mother and father.
3: She was able to learn Lightning Alchemy by practicing electrokinesis. The automail hand that the Rockbells gave her used to belong to a previous Lightning Alchemist. He has remained unknown to man, so Anna wants to find out who that person was. Anna didnt know about the hand transmution circle, so she kept practicing electrokinesis. One time she tried blending Alchemy with electrokinesis and she found out she can control lightning. She wants to unlock all of the secrets that Alchemy has to offer.
4: Anna was a very smart girl. She was always practicing something others forbid. When she met Edward and Alphonse Elric, they helped her on her Alchemy studies, so they helped her be the best Lightning Alchemist she could be. Anna is still researching and will never give up on her studies, no matter what anyone says
Im a little shaky on the show, Ive only seen almost all of the first series, so if there is anything that I need to know, please, tell me :3
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Haha, I can call myself and FMA veteran (been into series since 2007)
So, about the character's things. These all are my opinions and suggestions, so don't get hurt if i say something too roughly.
I forgot to ask, is character based on the old anime or Brotherhood? Probably the first anime, right?
I like the idea of father killing mother to stay on the job, of course he would preferably save the daughter, especially when they didn't get along well. But I'd rather choose other way to die than the sickness, since Trisha died on some sickness, right?
The Human Transmutation is always something to be careful with when creating a character. The Elrics managed to commit it because they had pretty much of Hohenheim's notes, long research and studies and everything that told about alchemy. But okay, i suppose that in her case she wasn't so perfect as the brothers, did the transmutation straight with mother's body, not as the brothers did? (They gathered up ingredients etc).
How did she end up being a State Alchemist, you should write more of her bg in the bio.
One thing about her personality, it's a lot like Edwards. He is short tempered, loyal etc. Maybe you should find her a nice personal trait or something, a vertai. Way to do some things etc. (For example my own OC is terribly out of shape and secretly trains at the gym at the outskirts of Central during the evenings just to be able to wear short skirts. So she is kind of too concerned about her looks above everything, thats one flaw/trait she has)
And does she have any relatives alive? Because, to be honest, a character without famlily (especially a teenager) in FMA fandom, is kind of Mary Sue-ish, because they're like Elrics then.
And then. About her looks. I'd change the colour yellow from her hair and eye. I dunno if it represents lightning, but it reminds too much of Ed. If yiu want something to remind of lightning, try certain tones of blue. I prefer blue lightning (more a colour of electricity) above yellow-ish tones.
Here's for the beginning, I hope I didn't sound too harsh.
If you want, i can give my oc's bio in exchange to be read
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Thanks for the info!
I actually did base her off the first anime series
Thanks, oh yeah. Ill change that right away!
She did do it with the mother's body. She didnt know much about it but she took a shot.
I actually had an idea but with everything going on, I forgot it. Ill tell you when I remember.
Anna, having both her parents dead, cant deal with people whi make fun of her. She just gets annoyed really quickly, but she does have a nice side to her.
She does. Mostly cousins, neises, and nephews. Her grandparents died (like mine) when she was 10.
I was thinking that too. I might change it to blue, but Ive been busy with school and stuff.
You did everything clearly and nicely. Id love to hear about your oc
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I'll note her bio to you tomorrow
tell me when you've made the changes so I can see the character again
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um... you forget... credit her/him. remember rule.
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Oh, I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING! Ill get on that
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