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OracleGlass — Serenade

Published: 2005-09-23 19:40:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 256; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 24
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Description Silvery hands cup a sleeping face.
Cool fingers retrace eyebrows,
brush lashes, nose and lips,
rejoice in small clouds of  breath,
mildly warming  fingertips.

Reluctantly the lids begin to quiver as
the shape in the sheets starts to stir.

Yearning now to stay a little longer,
as relentless powers pull him out of sight,
he whispers a soft “Goodbye”,
hoping for a chance in the next month,
to shed a light on the colour of her eyes.
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Comments: 8

crazynloveless [2006-04-25 17:18:46 +0000 UTC]

Absolutely beautiful. Your imagery is splendid and so well complimented by your word choice and the preview picture. Gorgeous piece. Hehe.

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DragonsRoar [2006-04-25 17:18:29 +0000 UTC]

Very nice poem, I quite enjoy it....

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Omnicontemplation [2005-10-03 22:13:16 +0000 UTC]

Great job, it really conveys emotion well. The punctuation placement threw me off a bit, but upon rereading I noticed that you capitalized at the beginning of sentences. g/j

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jaedin [2005-09-26 09:51:34 +0000 UTC]

As usual you have made the imagery really stand out here. You have a great talent for painting a picture with a limited amount of words.

Reluctantly the lids begin to quiver as
the shape in the sheets starts to stir.

This maybe the best example of it here, I really could see this. The message behind the words is too sweet to take and I love. Great stuff here, but I have come to expect that from you.

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OracleGlass In reply to jaedin [2005-09-26 18:36:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for your comment. Its great to get encouragement..and intimidating at the same time, so much praise ..I sometimes fear to indulge too much in "painting" but oh well I enjoy it so much
Thanx again for stopping by and giving me feedback. Its greately appreciated.

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fishstyx [2005-09-26 01:27:50 +0000 UTC]

The imagery is wonderful.
It really gives a feel of holding a sleeping lover.
The emotion between the lines is even more wonderful.
I think this is a great poem.

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the-beastie [2005-09-23 20:00:54 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful imagery! I especially loved the first stanza, you can really feel it. As if someone's cool 'silvery' hands were against my chin. Lovely stuff, in fact I can only find one nick-pickety critique - 'stirr' should only have one r. Other than that there isn't much I can find at fault with this, a beautiful piece. Thanks for sharing

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OracleGlass In reply to the-beastie [2005-09-24 13:17:30 +0000 UTC]

*sigh* Will I ever type correctly? lol ..thank you so much for the comment.

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