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okbrightstar In reply to Contraltissimo [2015-02-17 01:35:25 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad you like it.

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okbrightstar In reply to LostinFragility [2014-02-18 04:18:03 +0000 UTC]

You aren't worthless! Don't ever believe that! Depression lies. That's what it's best at. I know it's impossible to see the light in the middle of the never ending tunnel that it traps you in, but you won't be stuck there forever! I promise you that. Don't isolate yourself. There are people who care about you. I know I don't know you, but I would love to save you if I could be there to do it. I've been there, and I get it. It's so hard, and it feels like no one around you has any idea what you're going through. And what in comes right down to it, a lot of them probably don't. But some do. You aren't alone. And it will get better in time, just hang in there, okay?
Have you tried talking to a doctor about it? Antidepressants can save lives.

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LostinFragility In reply to okbrightstar [2014-02-18 08:00:59 +0000 UTC]

I'm on anti-depressants at the moment for the second time in 3 years. I've only been on them for five weeks though. Things felt better in the first two weeks and then the feeling of being numb came in and took over. I haven't taken my anti-depressants for the last 5 days because I ran out of them and needed a prescription so I got that today at the doctors'. I just have had a really bad last few days because an adult I trusted so much and thought cared about me doesn't; she dismisses me,tells me things like I should stop telling people things like when I reach out for help to adults, telling them I feel suicidal because they may get the wrong idea and think that i'm suicidal- she doesn't get it, when i say I feel suicidal, trust me I am. Oh yeah, and apparently I bruise easily too which is what she concluded the last conversation with regarding physical abuse towards me. So she summed it up with- it was just a joke that he hit me, even though it left 5 distinct bruises and I have trouble sleeping at night because they hurt when ever I turn over- It was just a 'joke' even though he was yelling at me, gritting his teeth and calling me useless and saying I'll never get a partner or a job. Real funny joke when It's left me in tears with bruises on my skin and then the child protection police officer sums the conversation up with "It has come to my attention that Janine bruises easily" and I take things to heart to much. I feel like reaching out for help is worthless. I trusted her... She said before I could talk to her about anything... I also apparently need to 'get a grip' on my situation since I'm almost 18. I cant just wake up tomorrow and say 'you know what, I'm not going to have depression anymore, feel so happy now- yay'. I'm trying my hardest to get rid of it. I've seen a few doctors they referred me to a psychologist. I saw her for half a year and now I've just recently decided the sessions really just make me feel worse. She talks about her ex husband, relationship problems and financial problems- who's getting the counseling, me or her...? It's not like I can even realate to her problems, I try and understand, but I've never been through a divorce (obviously, I'm only 17) and I've never worried about paying off things that adults have to like bills or anything. Sorry for the long reply :/ By the way thankyou so much for replying to my comment, you sound like such an amazing, caring person

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okbrightstar In reply to LostinFragility [2014-02-18 15:44:45 +0000 UTC]

Oh man, that is really tough. I wish I could give you a hug that's a lot to be going through, especially at your age.
Antidepressants can be touch and go unfortunately. Although it is better to be on them then not.
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened with the person you tried to reach out to. Sometimes adults screw up. They either don't understand, or what you're saying is scary to them so they'd rather just pretend there's nothing wrong because it makes them feel better and they don't want to face reality. It's extremely unfair. But don't let that keep you from reaching out! It's painful to realize people you trust aren't going to be there for you. But not every adult will do that to you. You just have to keep looking for someone who will understand. Physical abuse is never ok. It doesn't matter if you "bruise easily". Being struck at all is not something you should be having to deal with, and neither is verbal abuse. Being suicidal is another thing that should never be brushed off. It's important to realize that those thoughts and desires will pass once the depression lifts, so it's critical that you get help now to avoid doing something you will inevitably regret. A good psychologist will never talk about their person problems with you. If it's possible you should definitely try to find another one. I don't know if you live in a city or not, but if you do then there should be support groups you could try going to. I've never been to one personally because there are none in my area, but it's another place where you might be able to find an adult who can help you. There are a number of excellent forums online that are filled with understanding people who might be able to give you better advice than me. www.psychcentral.com is a really good place for that. They also have tons of really good articles on numerous subjects. I really recommend checking it out, especially if you're feeling isolated from the people around you. It's more rewarding to reach out to people who can understand what you're going through and actually want to help you.
It's true, you can't forcefully pull yourself out of depression. It is unfortunately a chemical imbalance in the brain which we have no control over. But there are resources out there that can help you cope. Talk to your doctor about the suicidal thoughts. You could even try bringing it up with your therapist, although from what you've said I don't know how helpful that would be. If you truly feel you are a danger to yourself you can be hospitalized for it. The idea of being in a psych ward might be scary, but it's not as bad when you're under 18. It keeps you safe from yourself and gives you time to try and sort out things in your life. It would also remove you from the abuse situation for a time, and you might be able to find better help that way.
Think it over. Life won't always be this hellish. Please hang in there!

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LostinFragility In reply to okbrightstar [2014-02-19 08:22:56 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much  

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okbrightstar In reply to LostinFragility [2014-02-19 16:52:56 +0000 UTC]

You are more than welcome

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okbrightstar In reply to mrbondisamazing [2013-04-23 05:02:02 +0000 UTC]

I know the feeling. It gets so unbelievably hard sometimes and most people don't realize or understand. But the horrible times cant last forever. It gets better. Even though it feels impossible in the middle of it. Stay strong

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mrbondisamazing In reply to okbrightstar [2013-04-23 19:33:10 +0000 UTC]

I've been doubting that my entire life, but it doesn't mean I don't try. I do, SO damn hard. Thank you for being nice to me friend. Stay safe, and awesome, AS ALWAYS.

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