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MyBlankInfinity — Writing On Your Skin
Published: 2012-07-09 21:28:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 1182; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description

We would do things 
no one’s ever written of,
but instead of writing it on paper
I would write it on your skin.

Words would be our bodies
tumbling through the sheets,
our taste buds filled with sounds
of slowly sliding twirls.

Nouns would press on you
with penetrating thrusts,
while verbs would curve
and twist your spine.

And how we’d love
the gravelled commas on our path –
a mouthful said,
yet so much more to give.

Then we’d feel the end come near
and wait the ink-splash in that final dot;
the dodgy semicolon saving drift,
giving ebb and flow to coming lines of print.

Our words - they’d intertwine
and dash through notes,
leaving only shredded shapes behind.

(typos, spellchecks lying in our wake)

A chaos of quotation marks
holding us in ululating streams
and giving hope to brand new

paragraphs
of daring curves
and streaming lines,
and stains of ink
on borders of the bookmarked page;

and storms of
frantic punctuations,
shuddered tugs,
and currents
of concluding words.

And then
at last
two silent exclamation marks
of stuttered trembling peaks  

Followed by
three dots in line
as all
the words
are lost…

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Comments: 5

TheMoorMaiden [2012-07-11 22:48:06 +0000 UTC]

I really like the way you paced it. I love the way it started slowly, became quicker and quicker and then finished with something akin to tiredness; it certainly fit well with the content. I like how you managed to include so many different tools that a writer uses: paper, pen, commas, semicolons etc. It's a piece with great double meaning.

I think the only thing I would change would be the use of the word 'screams' in the second to last stanza. It's a word which I always associate with horror, so I always find it a bit jarring when I see it in something a little more passionate. That, however, is just my personal opinion and is probably irrelevant. Either way it doesn't ruin the mood of the rest of the poem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

MyBlankInfinity In reply to TheMoorMaiden [2012-07-12 10:31:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for your kind comments. Yes, now I think about it, the word 'screams' is actually not as appropriate as I first imagined. Not only can it have a negative connotation, but it's also a too straight forward way of describing the climax (also a bit too clichéd).

So, instead of:

And then
at last
an exclamation mark
of stilted screams!

I'll go with:

And then
at last
an exclamation mark
of studdered trembling peak!

What do you think about that? I think it sounds better, has a better rhythm and also ads a new nuance to the scene. Not only is it filled with climactic feelings, but it also describes a shivering body, as if the exclamation mark was somehow silenced on the outside, screams of orgasm happening only inside one's mind...

Thanks a lot for your comment! It helped a lot.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

TheMoorMaiden In reply to MyBlankInfinity [2012-07-12 12:53:23 +0000 UTC]

Sounds good to me. I'm glad I could help.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

MyBlankInfinity In reply to TheMoorMaiden [2012-07-12 21:27:10 +0000 UTC]

Thanks oh, and after gnawing on it for a while, I decided to change:
an exclamation mark

into:
two exclamation marks

I think it just adds a bit more.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MyBlankInfinity In reply to MyBlankInfinity [2012-07-12 10:34:17 +0000 UTC]

stuttered* (blush)

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