Comments: 5
MyBlankInfinity In reply to TheMoorMaiden [2012-07-12 10:31:37 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your kind comments. Yes, now I think about it, the word 'screams' is actually not as appropriate as I first imagined. Not only can it have a negative connotation, but it's also a too straight forward way of describing the climax (also a bit too clichéd).
So, instead of:
And then
at last
an exclamation mark
of stilted screams!
I'll go with:
And then
at last
an exclamation mark
of studdered trembling peak!
What do you think about that? I think it sounds better, has a better rhythm and also ads a new nuance to the scene. Not only is it filled with climactic feelings, but it also describes a shivering body, as if the exclamation mark was somehow silenced on the outside, screams of orgasm happening only inside one's mind...
Thanks a lot for your comment! It helped a lot.
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