Comments: 8
SoldiersWolf [2012-07-18 17:11:09 +0000 UTC]
Interesting story. The imagery was powerful.
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0hgravity [2012-07-06 21:10:47 +0000 UTC]
I like the feel of it. It feels dry and deserted - forlorn and borderline insane. I liked the first stanza as it set up really well.
There were some good lines scattered throughout like:
"Opaque clear bottles biding time on creaking shelves
slowly filling back to brim - grit by grit."
Unfortunately the meaning is lost on me.
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MyBlankInfinity In reply to 0hgravity [2012-07-07 19:16:42 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for your comment!
About the meaning: do you feel as though the poem isn't as good because you didn't catch the meaning or does it make no difference?
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0hgravity In reply to MyBlankInfinity [2012-07-07 21:13:37 +0000 UTC]
no problem!
No I think it's still good - definitely.
Perhaps it would be better or maybe, more satisfying
if I understood.
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MyBlankInfinity In reply to 0hgravity [2012-07-08 08:13:31 +0000 UTC]
I was trying to describe a removal of self from ego... hence the Is instead of eyes... we see the world through our eyes, which is how we give ego its food.
It's sort of a Buddhism logic of removing yourself from your ego, ie. not giving importance to everyday drama and understanding that your ego - your perceived self is not the same as your true self, and that it's important to find the distinction between them in order to grow as a person.
Part I is about how someone is still a part of that world, just one of those stuck on a planet filled with sand and despair.
Part II is about coming to realize you don't belong there and that the lack of water (true self) has made this place a barren wasteland and that you will only return here once you find the antenna: a constant communication with your true self.
Part III is about the accepted fact that your perceived self and your true self are not the same thing and also accepting that ego and its dramas are actually a normal part of life, only that you shouldn't give much weight to them, since all the ego's tricks are just a game.
I find it strange that I haven't written anything for half a year, immersing myself in other people's literature instead, and then one day coming back to my notebook, and, as if out of necessity, writing this poem. It's still not great poetry, I know, but it's so much better than the stuff I wrote before. It gives me new hope for my writing.
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0hgravity In reply to MyBlankInfinity [2012-07-08 19:34:59 +0000 UTC]
interesting. I think I picked up a little on this idea of "I" and true self. I thought of it more of a preservation
of "I" from the desert world.
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MyBlankInfinity In reply to 0hgravity [2012-07-08 21:26:46 +0000 UTC]
hmmm... yes, in a way it is.
I've changed it a bit now, although you probably won't notice, since they're only minor changes; but I think it works even better now.
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