Comments: 20
HybridRebellion [2012-12-09 07:04:19 +0000 UTC]
This is pretty good! It seems alittle shallow? Not sure what the right word is. But throwing in a few adjectives and breaking up senetences to create a better flow definetely wouldn't hurt. You have a couple of sentences where you could have interupted with extra details or putting "so and so said" then continuing the sentence.
Oh god, I'm turning into my English teacher...
Hope that help or whatnot
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
moonpuppy4 In reply to HybridRebellion [2012-12-09 15:51:00 +0000 UTC]
....How did he not...? I mean, I've never even... and I.... ??? Sounds like an interesting teacher XD
lol, I just woke up! it's 9 AM here now!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
moonpuppy4 In reply to HybridRebellion [2012-12-09 17:28:12 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, I bet. Is your real teacher nice, or have you not met her or what?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
moonpuppy4 In reply to HybridRebellion [2012-12-09 18:18:44 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, kind of like a parent vs an older sibling or something?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
moonpuppy4 In reply to HybridRebellion [2012-12-10 01:55:06 +0000 UTC]
... the fact that you just spelled "Check" wrong made me laugh SO MUCH
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
moonpuppy4 In reply to HybridRebellion [2012-12-10 02:07:44 +0000 UTC]
I assumed that. Meh, I don't really do that, I can type fairly fast, I just go back and fix the mistakes after thought is done. Like that sentence, it had 3 mistakes XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
moonpuppy4 In reply to HybridRebellion [2012-12-10 03:35:42 +0000 UTC]
I can't send out anything if a mistake is glaring me in the face.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
HybridRebellion In reply to moonpuppy4 [2012-12-10 03:39:28 +0000 UTC]
I'm lazy XP I'm also really bad at catching mistakes since I read for the picture, rather than the components usually.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
moonpuppy4 In reply to HybridRebellion [2012-12-10 03:52:07 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, I do that, but 'turn it off' when editing, it's hard!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1