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MikkiMarie β You're Not?
Published: 2013-02-21 01:23:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 36468; Favourites: 2555; Downloads: 84
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You're anorexic if you're thinYou're not? Then you're obese.
If you're different, you're insane
You're not? Then you're a fake.
If you're happy, you're hiding something.
You're not? You must be emo.
If you're dating, you're a slut.
You're not? You must have no friends.
If you're popular, you're a jerk.
You're not? You're a nobody.
If you're quiet, you must be disabled.
You're not? You obnoxious freak.
If you're you, you're wrong.
You're not?
Then you must be perfect.
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Comments: 1099
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I finally got around to making a critique for this. I saw it months ago but i didn't get around to finishing this review until now.
Impact: The impact of this poem is as if someone though a rock in the pond. Eventually ripples fade and the effect wears off. I had to read and reread to capture the mood you created. This poem had an excellent theme " Society is paradoxical in its reasoning and Man has a bad habit of going from one extreme to the next" I just wish that it could be a little more memorable.
Technique: I was able to read this in the preview and i re-read it to make sure I got my pacing right. It is a nice small poem but the diction and theme are very simple. This is fine, but consider another poem that uses simple sentence structure called "We real cool." It uses one syllable words for the most part and it creates a massive amount of depth. Your poem does not.
Does your poem convey your point properly? Well... yes, but I didn't get anything refreshing out of this. Now normally the poetry i read and create has a lot of deep meaning in every line and stanza. I find you to be a more direct type of poet. Is that bad? Well no, but if your going to be direct with me I would like you to have been more 'in your face' about it. I can see you trying to create this tone in the repeated use of You're. This is something that i actually admire.
Punctuation is appropriate and it seems that you weren't trying to convey meaning though braking any rules of grammar. You stop using the word then midway All thoughts are complete however they are not interdependent. They all relate to the theme but they do not relate to each other very much. I wish there was a way i could get more of the speaker's voice though these words but alas i cannot think of anything that i could possibly add without cutting your true voice out of it.
I give you an average rating because the technique used to convey these thoughts is average.
Originality: The If A then B concept pattern is not new. The use of one statement to define and contradict the other is not not new. However i give you this relatively high rating because this voice is unique. I rarely see good poems that have a annoyed tone and not sound whinny. I can imagine the speaker saying stuff like this among a group of friends or talking within himself.
Vision: You executed your thoughts on to paper in a clear and concise way. A lot of other people begin to ramble in free verses, but i thank you for staying on topic. I can tell this is something you jotted down. There is something pure and unabridged in this poem I cant put my finger on it but i felt it. Of course this and your originality score are similar because of this.
I wish to see more of your work you have a good voice and message i just hope you would articulate your message better with the tools you choose to use.
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The way you wrote this is simply amazing and intriguing. The style of repetition makes you really think, and it's so true, everything you said
People will always judge you, and that's the sad truth. I like how you don't directly bash this, but offer up a simple and effective argument. If you're this, you'll be judged. If you're that, you'll be judged.One thing that I'd suggest is the repeating of the "then", since it pops up sometimes, and then other times it doesn't. It'd be more impacting with the use of repetition if you chose to repeat it in every stanza, unless of course, it doesn't make sense. But it works for most of them. "They you' must be emo" or "Then you must have no friends". Just a small suggestion, but it's still really a great poem. Good job!
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The message behind the words is extreamly powerful. I loved reading each part. You show an understanding of what you are talking about. It is a perfect look into the world today.
I absolutly loved the last verse. It left me in amazment, the way it was worded just had a power behind it.
I think in the line "If you're quiet, you must be disabled" instead of disabled I would have used something like "an outcast" or "a nobody" disabled just didn't feel right to me. I know what you were going for and I still liked it, but I just think a different word might have fit a bit better.
I have read alot of stuff on this topic so it was a tad familir, but was original in its own way making it stand out to me.
Overall I loved it!
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This piece is a rather inspired sense of direction and feel toward the common traits of the human world. I do feel however that the simplicity is a bit too simple. Please do not get me wrong that simplicity lends to the great impact of what you are saying by keeping the reader interested; yet with your literary skill I do feel you could give us more in depth sense. The truth is your delivery is great, your vision is truth, and the impact is to be felt through generations of people who can relate. I couldn't possibly ask for a better way to put those feelings into a statement than you have done! e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
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Bueno, puedo leer el inglΓ©s y entenderlo a la perfecciΓ³n, pero al escribirlo me da la seguridad de que no me entenderΓ‘n, asΓ que te dejo lo mΓo en mi idioma natal.
Son frases razonables, con las cuales te pones a pensar, siempre lo mΓ‘s simple o sencillo estarΓ‘ bien impregnada en razΓ³n. PorquΓ© no se entiende con las frases mΓ‘s gloriosas, hasta con un "basta, eres especial" nos pueden hacer el dΓa y me lo haz hecho con tu escrito bien planteado.
Somos perfectos con las diferencias que tenemos, con nuestro modo de ver el mundo...
Gracias por escribir (:
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I really enjoyed the points you're making in this piece. I was taken in by how it spins the readers' minds until it's hard to make an argument, because you follow through each line by essentially acknowledging the contradiction. You're 180 approach to pointing out the flaws of social categorization is one of the strongest I have seen attempted on deviantart. I took one and half stars only because in terms of visualizations there really aren't any mental images pictured, but that also lends itself to your points because it allows the reader to fill in their own blanks. Basically, becoming more specific about the poem's visuals would have made it harder for people to connect. In making broad statements and using generalized ideas (slut, jerk, hiding an unnamed something etc.) you have made it very easy for us to fill in the people we know and grasp how pointless it is to pigeonhole other people into categories. e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
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This poem is a gateway to reality.
Every single word stated here is as true as the sun in the sky.
Reading it brings thought to the mind about how we all live our lives. About how judgemental existance on this planet is.
It's a fantastic representation of life around us and generic social standing proving there is no such thing as perfect.
And that the world will never be happy with who you are.
We all just have to accept it.
Beautiful job for "throwing it together"
(If there were more than five stars on Impact, you'd have them my friend),
Thank you for posting this
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I have to say, this was extremely true, and brilliantly written!
The poem relates to many people, and is very serious. It isn't the MOST original poem, and there are several like it, but the wonderful thing is, they are constantly written because they are beautiful! Though, it has it's own special essence that gives it it's originality. My only complaint would be that, it doesn't have a REAL ending to tie it up. if it didn't just stop supplying words, it would be able to continue as it is. I believe it should have one last phrase, or word to indicate it has ended. Besides that, I thought this poem was very inspirational.
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I think the ending was good.
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I actually think this poem is perfect the way it is. The ending is so blunt, like how life is, naturally. It's not sugar-coated,or sweetened up, and that's what makes it so effective. I do like your opinion, but I thought the ending was fine.
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well, you make a good point. i guess everyone has their own opinion
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Why thank you :3 have a nice day
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This poem is slightly different than the others - no, I'm not referring ot the lack of rhymes people usually define "poem" with. It defines not a lost love nor a need for a new one, but the issues the author has (let's face it, everyone has) with common society. People often judge you no matter what you do or who you are and you cannot get away from this behaviour.
The contrast here is indeed, fellow readers, hard to grasp at first. It is not because of bad portrayal or lack of technique but the sheer rarity of this particular technique.
I know usually you're supposed to show a negative point, but personally I can't think of any off the top of my head. I was truly blown away!
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oh my goodness 
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No problem. I came it inspiring so many people.
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This is a very wonderful example of why stereotyping can be dangerous, especially to young people who aren't sure of themselves or those who look to others to give them what they can only give their own self;Β SELF esteem.
When one has that, it doesn't matter what other people thing of you, because you know within your own heart and soul, your worth.
It is a great poem!Β I really like it.
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I love this, it's so true and shows exactly how society thinks.
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The double-ness of societies expectations
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This really describes school very well.
And I guess the word 'perfect' has been already said
ten thousand million times over, but it is.
Describes it perfectly. At least to me it does. <3
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Isn't this society awful? Β Thank you for stepping up to the plate and hitting a home run poem. Β i hope you are feeling happy today. Β we have a choice to feel happy, or so i am told. Β you are awesome to the power of one thousand. Β keep on slugging space cowboy.
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It speaks to you then it's a poem...this one says to me you can't fucking win..no matter what you do..amen.
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Amazing. Contrary to what alexasbeat says, I think the last paragraph ends it perfectly (is that the wrong thing to say? 
Also, have you read any Alexander McCall Smith. I think in one of his books (perhaps several) he mentions something about the beautiful being that which is perfectly at home in the space it occupies, as are all animals, but not so many humans.
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Certainly speaks out against stereotypes. You did a good job writing this.
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Is this how you look at everything? Or is this just to say people are wrong sometimes?
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The truth and very well written good job
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The people are like the Sith Lords. They only consider extremes.
And they can think what they want about me. I'll just say "meh" and walk away.
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This is well done, with a feel for both language and psychology. My only objection, and it's actually a minor one, is that as do many arguments (if it is one), it excludes non-extreme possibilities. Seen as a poetic piece, it simply works, partly by mocking the extremes used in much labeling. I like it.
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What's odd, is that this how people actually judge. i love the poem, it needed to be said.
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i agree
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