Comments: 57
mgilpin In reply to ??? [2007-04-02 05:41:02 +0000 UTC]
(big grin)... thanks... this is one my personal, all-time favorites!...
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mgilpin In reply to noidentity [2006-12-14 19:01:14 +0000 UTC]
thank you... i'm pleased to know that... and thanks for the fav!...
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ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-12-02 05:52:27 +0000 UTC]
ok I changed it.
I like it.
tell me what you think.
its about Troy
The sea tessellates.
A search for security
Among royal meadows,
The Earths muscles
In the sallowness of life
And algid November remains
Graceful machines
The children are our democracy
Musketry of our fate
Silence divorces with understanding
The immaculate night as Lazarus
The Inquisition
I shall remain aphonic
The fall of Troy.
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-12-03 21:42:26 +0000 UTC]
ok...
for starters, like the line the sea tessellates for this subject... it fits the story... and the scene... as does among royal meadows...
in contrast, certain imagery doesn't fit... it is out of place... either in time... or sensibility... like musketry of our fate and the inquisition and the immaculate night as Lazarus...
additionally, the poem doesn't seem to hold together... without your introduction, i'm not sure i'd understand this is about troy... mostly because of the other references... like lazarus and the inquisition... and i'm not sure what you are saying about troy... are you speaking of the historical event?... are you making a connection between the story of troy and some internal conflict/landscape?... are using troy as a metaphor for something else?... i don't think it is clear...
that said, in this context (of a story about troy), i like the line graceful machines... which is interesting, because i didn't like it in the other version... and i think musketry of our fate is visually rich... and needs to be used somewhere...
on the whole, i think i prefer the other version... in was a bit rough... but somehow i feel more connection with it... and think i saw a bit more of you peeking out... it felt more genuine in that regard...
ok... wow... that rambles a bit... i hope it is coherent...
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ThePlaidPoltergeist In reply to mgilpin [2006-12-03 23:58:44 +0000 UTC]
I do know I need to work on it not being so vague.
the immaculate night as lazarus is the night they snuck out of the horse
it was a night of cheer and rejoice because they thought they had won, then the night went to sleep all was well but it came back alive as they came out and killed them all.
i changed it to "my inquisition" as in my torture, my interigation of "is this right?" and then Troy fell.
so I will work on it not being so vague.
thanks.
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-12-04 07:05:23 +0000 UTC]
i can see where you were going with that line now... but i think it may be backwards... at least it seems so... i think the lazarus in this case may better describes the greeks... who came out of their wooden horse... and turned their death/defeat into a live/victory... maybe...
if not... if you like the lazarus to be the trojans... then you need to make that reading more accessible...
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ThePlaidPoltergeist In reply to mgilpin [2006-12-04 07:14:26 +0000 UTC]
scratch that is even about troy.
not the theme.
I do this often...I write something and play it off as something literal..when really its about something a lot deeper which I hadnt realized...(whether my choice of not facing it or not my choice) so yeah...
not about troy.
you will see in my edit.
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-12-04 09:24:10 +0000 UTC]
you have a good intuition/instinct for work... and i think you're right about allowing it to be more than just some literal thing... something tacked-on later... good choice...
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-12-04 23:10:01 +0000 UTC]
(chuckle)... watch out texas?... that inspires tons of confidence for those who share the road with you...
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-12-02 22:09:35 +0000 UTC]
A search for security
Among royal meadows
In the sallowness of life
And algid November remains
this is your strongest phrase... it evokes a yearning... and an acknowledgment of the oft pervading baseness of being... while suggesting mortality... i really think this is good...
i think you need to make the core of the piece... and that the other ideas need to use this as a background... or a common thread...
with that in mind... Silence divorces with understanding and the night as lazarus work well... however, if graceful machines is a continuation of the phrase, i'm not sure you need it... it seems to move in another direction... especially considering the mythic/biblical references which give this piece the patina of age...
what i don't like is the last two lines... first, there is the first person... you've avoided till this point with good effect... and it doesn't add anything significant... the last line feels tacked on... and... hhhhmmm... how to say this?... well, certain subjects have been used a lot... icarus is one of those... additionally, it is a story that gets a lot of attention in early high school education... so it has that association...
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ThePlaidPoltergeist In reply to mgilpin [2006-12-03 00:07:25 +0000 UTC]
I do agree that that the last two lines are blah.
so im off to see what you say about the finished product and respond more fully to that.
thanks.
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-12-03 07:42:22 +0000 UTC]
i'll try and respond to the finished writing tomorrow... sorry...
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ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-11-30 03:58:05 +0000 UTC]
Ice outside.
A Bible hides the ashtray
It is His.
No mocking bird to wake upon
It says "a gold coin for the pass"
"fly my crystal doe"
"and never come back"
...I was never here.
a return from the war
battle with cancer
does that make a war?
birds to silence a mock trial
massacre
"4 bucks for the rosary"
fly.
cascade.
droopy eyes no more.
musk air.
"I said 4 bucks lady"
beast
children are the democracy!
run run RUN!
stop.
fly no more.
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-11-30 16:48:09 +0000 UTC]
a little chaotic... but i like it...
what is up with the quotes?...
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-12-01 01:43:21 +0000 UTC]
ok... but the quotes insert a very specific kind of voice... very declamatory...
i like it... i was just curious...
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Bonescape [2006-11-11 22:53:01 +0000 UTC]
It is late here and I cannot find the right words to express my ideas concerning this image.
So I will say only one thing before I go off to bed.
The chicken is in the kitchen.
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mgilpin In reply to Bonescape [2006-11-11 23:15:20 +0000 UTC]
(lol)...
it seems/sounds like sleep is a good idea for you... either that or you need to spend less time with poultry...
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mgilpin In reply to AmildCaseofSanity [2006-11-08 07:56:59 +0000 UTC]
the first polaroid was taken at night... and the blue is a result of the lighting... then i came back the next day... and shot that same tree again...
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mgilpin In reply to AmildCaseofSanity [2006-11-08 08:02:58 +0000 UTC]
no... just simple... as in simple-minded...
or so my wife keeps telling me...
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mgilpin In reply to AmildCaseofSanity [2006-11-08 08:08:55 +0000 UTC]
i wish i could... but polaroid has discontinued that film (time zero)... and, while i can alter my camera to use other films, i'm not sure that i will... the color is not the same in the 600 series films...
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headlight [2006-11-05 07:30:05 +0000 UTC]
This one is nice. I like the foreground picture as well as the background. I like how they are the same picture (as far as I can tell) and I like the contrast of the inverted colors on the smaller picture. The smaller picture looks like an x-ray for the background, as if you see the inverted picture and you're seeing its insides. ^_^ Awesome pic.
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mgilpin In reply to headlight [2006-11-05 07:33:02 +0000 UTC]
i'm glad you like it... it is probably my favorite of the series... and thanks for the fav...
and, if it matters, it is the same tree... the smaller image was taken at light with artificial light...
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mikcp [2006-11-04 16:00:45 +0000 UTC]
wow wonderful
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mgilpin In reply to mikcp [2006-11-04 18:06:02 +0000 UTC]
thanks... i'm pleased to know you like it...
and thanks for the comment...
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mgilpin In reply to O-range [2006-10-22 17:50:07 +0000 UTC]
thank you!...
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-10-21 03:27:51 +0000 UTC]
you're right...
i think i lost that ring... sadly...
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-10-21 03:27:03 +0000 UTC]
that is what my gynecologist says to me all the time... should i be worried?...
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ThePlaidPoltergeist In reply to mgilpin [2006-10-21 05:03:14 +0000 UTC]
huh.
I dont know.
it is very nice.
when you die...may I have it?
ill frame it...maybe put it in a musuem.
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mgilpin In reply to ThePlaidPoltergeist [2006-10-21 10:12:04 +0000 UTC]
maybe you could make it into jewelry?... that would please me...
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ThePlaidPoltergeist In reply to mgilpin [2006-10-21 18:08:49 +0000 UTC]
hmmm....a lovely little whorish anklet....or maybe a choker.
hmm.
put some nice little kidney stone beads on there.
all set to go.
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ThePlaidPoltergeist In reply to mgilpin [2006-10-22 18:46:17 +0000 UTC]
what that nice gal you brought home the other night?
oh what was her name....
slutty sue?
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mgilpin In reply to mahi-mahi [2006-10-16 07:35:33 +0000 UTC]
oh... almost forgot... thanks for the fav!... it is much appreciated...
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mgilpin In reply to mahi-mahi [2006-10-16 07:34:52 +0000 UTC]
thank you for the very nice comment... i really appreciate that it is substantive... something more than just 'hey, cool' or 'i like it'...
out of curiosity, which way do you think the contrast should go: more or less?...
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