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Description
After [link] this popped up in my mind.

Please read the following paragraph in Cave Johnson's voice:

Gentlemen,
We all know this problem. Just another day at the office, some jerk doesn't refill the coffee machine and then BOOM! Giant monsters attack! Great! Well, actually not because instead of enjoying your free time you will most likely be eaten or crushed by the monsters. Perhaps both.
We here at Aperture Science thought of that and decided to combine the two most powerful forces in the known multiverse! 160ft high Mechs and british cynicism!
Now I hear you say 'But Cave, what untold powers does this brilliant machine possess?'. Well, gentlemen, ponder no longer!

The 'Cynical Bot' or the 'Snark Knight' as the guys at the lab call it is filled to the brim with the most advanced and deadly arsenal imaginable!

I give you:
The T.R.O.L.L., the Transductional Overabundant Lunacy Laser! It emits a beam that will dazzle and confuse enemies with strange light patterns that will make them defenseless for your attacks!
The T.O.P.H.A.T., the Turbine Operation Partition for Heinous Acid and Teargas, this marvel makes you not only the most snazzy mech in town, it's also used as a ventilation system and able to spray acid and teargas onto your foes.
And last but certainly not least:
The M.I.C., the Mangling Intestines Commentator, the latest, state of the art in sound based weaponry. With this bad boy you can not only bring your enemies to their knees with 190 decibel you can then chop those knees right off with the built-in double sawblade.

Gentlemen, the Cynical Bot fulfills your need of a giant patriotic death machine in every possible way. It also has two cupholders on each side of the cockpit.
So make those checks to cash and order your Cynical Bot today!

Description
After [link] this popped up in my mind.

Please read the following paragraph in Cave Johnson's voice:

Gentlemen,
We all know this problem. Just another day at the office, some jerk doesn't refill the coffee machine and then BOOM! Giant monsters attack! Great! Well, actually not because instead of enjoying your free time you will most likely be eaten or crushed by the monsters. Perhaps both.
We here at Aperture Science thought of that and decided to combine the two most powerful forces in the known multiverse! 160ft high Mechs and british cynicism!
Now I hear you say 'But Cave, what untold powers does this brilliant machine possess?'. Well, gentlemen, ponder no longer!

The 'Cynical Bot' or the 'Snark Knight' as the guys at the lab call it is filled to the brim with the most advanced and deadly arsenal imaginable!

I give you:
The T.R.O.L.L., the Transductional Overabundant Lunacy Laser! It emits a beam that will dazzle and confuse enemies with strange light patterns that will make them defenseless for your attacks!
The T.O.P.H.A.T., the Turbine Operation Partition for Heinous Acid and Teargas, this marvel makes you not only the most snazzy mech in town, it's also used as a ventilation system and able to spray acid and teargas onto your foes.
And last but certainly not least:
The M.I.C., the Mangling Intestines Commentator, the latest, state of the art in sound based weaponry. With this bad boy you can not only bring your enemies to their knees with 190 decibel you can then chop those knees right off with the built-in double sawblade.

Gentlemen, the Cynical Bot fulfills your need of a giant patriotic death machine in every possible way. It also has two cupholders on each side of the cockpit.
So make those checks to cash and order your Cynical Bot today!