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Marksider89 — Betting on a Bumming Ch 2: Results and Revelations
#overwatch #tracer #widowmaker #widowtracer #widowtracily #emily_overwatch
Published: 2019-12-12 08:59:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 2530; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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[EMILY has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
EMILY: Hello?
EMILY: Anyone here?
EMILY: ...
EMILY: hm...
EMILY: I guess I should...
EMILY: @ EVERYONE
EMILY: ...
EMILY: LENA WON!!!
[JESSE MCCREE has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
[WINSTON has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
[ALEKSANDRA ZARYANOVA has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
[SOLDIER:76 has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
[REAPER has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
REAPER: WHAT!?
REAPER: HOW!?
MCCREE: Well i'll be
ZARYA: As I expected.
WINSTON: My relief is almost palpable.
76: While that's all well and good,
76: why did it take you over three hours to contact us?
EMILY: It's...difficult to explain.
REAPER: Where's Widowmaker?
EMILY: She & Lena are sleeping.
EMILY: They're so cute together. <3
EMILY: and it's Amelie, btw.
REAPER: What?
MCCREE: So what happend?
EMILY: Well, like I said, it's hard to explain.
EMILY: ...but I'll do my best.
WINSTON: That's all we ask.
WINSTON: Take your time if you need to.
EMILY: Aww, thanks, Winston. ^_^
EMILY: So, when Lena...won the bet,
EMILY: Widowmaker passed out.
EMILY: She was out for nearly half an hour.
EMILY: Lena and I were getting pretty worried
EMILY: ...and just as Lena was about to call Dr. Ziegler,
EMILY: she woke back up,
EMILY: but she was...different
REAPER: Different?
76: How so?
EMILY: Well, at first she seemed confused an a bit scared,
EMILY: but when she saw Lena,
EMILY: she started crying.
EMILY: She pulled Lena into a hug,
EMILY: and she kept apologizing.
WINSTON: Apologizing?
EMILY: Yeah.
EMILY: It took a while to get her to calm down,
EMILY: and when she did...
EMILY: well...
EMILY: I guess the best way to describe it would be that...
EMILY: Lena... "un-broke" her, i guess.
76: "Un-broke" her?
EMILY: Well, Lena told me that Amelie was kidnapped by Talon,
EMILY: and they, like, tortured her and broke her mind,
EMILY: so they could brainwash her into becoming Widowmaker, right?
REAPER: ...
76: That's what we've been able to discern,
76: but Gabe would know more than us.
76: Gabe?
REAPER: Well, I wasn't working for Talon at the time,
REAPER: but... yeah, that's pretty much what happened.
EMILY: Then, yeah.
EMILY: Lena un-broke her.
EMILY: because,
EMILY: when she woke up,
EMILY: she wasn't Widowmaker anymore.
EMILY: She was Amelie again.
MCCREE: Wait...
MCCREE: are yall sayin...
MCCREE: that all it took to undo talons brainwashin...
MCCREE: was a damn orgasm!?
EMILY: I guess?
REAPER: Un-fucking-believable.
76: Was that a pun?
REAPER: ...not intentionally.
WINSTON: ...
WINSTON: @ MERCY
[ANGELA "MERCY" ZIEGLER has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
MERCY: Yes, Winston?
WINSTON: I was wondering if you could possibly give us a prognosis on what has happened to Widowmaker.
EMILY: Amelie
WINSTON: Sorry.
WINSTON: Amelie.
MERCY: ...
MERCY: Well, psychology wasn't really my forte,
MERCY: but I do know a fair amount,
MERCY: so I think I have an idea.
WINSTON: Go ahead.
MERCY: Well, when one experiences an orgasm,
MERCY: pretty much every neuron in the brain fires.
MERCY: So, I would theorize that,
MERCY: after everything that had been done to Amelie's physiology,
MERCY: when she climaxed
MERCY: the sudden burst of activity in her brain caused a sort of...overload,
MERCY: because it wasn't used to that level of activity,
MERCY: and so it shut down and..."rebooted", I guess.
MERCY: ...but that's just a theory.
[REINHARDT WILHELM has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
REINHARDT: A BRAIN THEORY!
76: What?
REINHARDT: ...Nevermind
REINHARDT: It's just a reference!
EMILY: So yeah,
EMILY: once we had sorted all that out,
EMILY: Amelie said that she wanted to give Lena a propor thank you.
MCCREE: Sex?
EMILY: Sex.
EMILY: And I wasn't just going to sit there and watch.
EMILY: After all, the terms of the bet meant that she was now our girlfriend,
EMILY: and she is very attractive,
EMILY: so I joined in.
ZARYA: Nice!
EMILY: and Amelie certainly didn't mind.
EMILY: So yeah,
EMILY: that's why it took so long to get back to you.
76: It took you nearly four hours to get back to us...
76: because you were all having sex?
EMILY: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
EMILY: #Sorrynotsorry
ZARYA: I'm so proud.
76: I don't believe this.
EMILY: !
WINSTON: Is something wrong?
EMILY: Hold on...
EMILY: Lena's awake.
[TRACER has entered SWALLOW THAT CREAMY GOODNESS]
[TRACER has changed the channel name to LENA LICKS THE COMPETITION]
TRACER: LET IT NEVER BE SAID THAT LENA OXTON DONT KNOW HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN.
EMILY: ^
ZARYA: Well done, Lena.
TRACER: Thanks Aleks!
ZARYA: When you get back, drinks are on me.
REAPER: I refuse to believe that you actually won.
REAPER: You had to have cheated somehow.
TRACER: Oi! Just cause i can please a woman and you cant is no reason to get salty gabe!
REAPER: Don't call me that.
MCCREE: Is that really even an insult Lena?
MCCREE: We all know Gabe's gay.
EMILY: Wait, seriously?
EMILY: I thought you guys were just joking about that earlier.
REINHARDT: It's true!
REINHARDT: Jack and Gabe used to be so sickeningly cute together!
REAPER: No we weren't!
76: We weren't together!
[ANA AMARI has entered LENA LICKS THE COMPETITION]
ANA: I can't believe you two still deny this.
ANA: You two were everything but married.
76: We were not!
[SOMBRA has entered LENA LICKS THE COMPETITION]
REAPER: @ SOMBRA Where the hell have you been?
SOMBRA: Busy.
REAPER: Doing what?
SOMBRA: nunya
REAPER: What's nunya?
[D.VA has entered LENA LICKS THE COMPETITION]
D.VA: NUNYA DAMN BUSINESS!!!
D.VA: ヘ( ^o^)ノ
SOMBRA: ヘ( ^o^)ノ＼(^_^ )
REINHARDT: Come on Gabe, even I saw that coming!
SOMBRA: okay
SOMBRA: jokes aside
SOMBRA: down to business...
SOMBRA: first,
SOMBRA: i can confirm that lena won the bet.
REAPER: Damn it!
WINSTON: How do you know?
SOMBRA: i hacked the mics on their communicators
SOMBRA: duh
WINSTON: I should have guessed.
EMILY: You heard us?
SOMBRA: yup
SOMBRA: i heard everything
SOMBRA:
TRACER: Did you like what you heard?
SOMBRA: ...
SOMBRA: ...yeah
D.VA: yeah
REAPER: Wait...
REAPER: D.VA heard them too??
SOMBRA: i said i was busy
76: Oh my god...
REAPER: Not you too
D.VA: AT LEAST WE'RE HONEST ABT R FEELINGS SCRUBEDGELORD!
REAPER: Scrubedgelord?
D.VA: i couldnt decide if i should call u scrublord or edgelord
D.VA: so i combined them
D.VA: btw @ SOMBRA you left ur jacket in my room
SOMBRA: aww thanks conejita
SOMBRA: ill stop by in a bit to grab it
SOMBRA: and maybe grab u too
D.VA: omg
D.VA: XD
D.VA: <3
SOMBRA: <3
SOMBRA: anyway
SOMBRA: secondly,
SOMBRA: gabe is totally gay for jack
REAPER: I. AM. NOT.
SOMBRA: do i need to tell them what happened last week?
D.VA: wut happened last week?
REAPER: Nothing.
SOMBRA: liar
SOMBRA: okay then
SOMBRA: so we were in dorado for a meeting
SOMBRA: and we walked past an old overwatch poster w/ morrison on it
SOMBRA: and gabe stops
SOMBRA: and just stands there staring at it for like a full minute before he finally walked away
REAPER: See? Nothing happened.
SOMBRA: but as he left he started humming "shape of my heart" by the backstreet boys
D.VA: ROTFLMAO
ANA: oh god
REAPER: I DID NOT!!
SOMBRA: i recorded it
REAPER: ...
REAPER: I hate you so much right now.
MCCREE: Boss...
MCCREE: Whatever respect i still had for you...
MCCREE: it's officially gone now
[GENJI SHIMADA has entered LENA LICKS THE COMPETITION]
GENJI: Agreed.
TRACER: IM TRYING SO HARD TO NOT LAUGH RIGHT NOW
MCCREE: Why?
TRACER: because amelie is still asleep and shes spooning me and i dont wanna wake her up!
MCCREE: Fair enough
EMILY: It's super cute <3
TRACER: but, @ SOMBRA, what a coincidence!
TRACER: I had a similar experience with jack last month!
76: Wait, what?
TRACER: Yeah
TRACER: Last month, after my week off visiting Emily
EMILY: <3
TRACER: <3
TRACER: When I got back to base,
TRACER: the place was practically empty
TRACER: Everyone was off on missions except jack,
TRACER: he had just got back from a mission,
TRACER: so he had to stay on base because Winston and Angie made it a rule that,
TRACER: a) there must be at least 1 agent on base at all times and,
TRACER: b) no agent can go on a mission within 24 hrs of returning from one.
MERCY: We don't want anyone burning out.
MERCY: When people get tired, they don't make the most rational decisions.
WINSTON: Which could potentially jeopardize any mission that they might be on.
TRACER: Right
TRACER: unfortunately, my flight got delayed
TRACER: so it was like 2 in the morning when i got to base
TRACER: so i asked Athena to not alert anyone just yet
TRACER: and as im making my way to my quarters
TRACER: when i hear somethin
TRACER: it was coming from the common room
TRACER: so i peek in
TRACER: ...and theres Jack
TRACER: serenading an old picture of Gabe
D.VA: NO WAY!! XD
ANA: oh my god
76: I WAS NOT!
76: I was ranting!
76: It was in anger!
GENJI: Son, I am disapoint.
76: Shut up I'm older than you.
REINHARDT: Like I said, sickeningly cute.
SOMBRA: what song??
TRACER: When I first looked in,
TRACER: he was singing "If You're Gone" by Matchbox 20
TRACER: but when he finished that
TRACER: he started into "Back Here" by BBMak
SOMBRA: this is amazing XD
[FAREEHA "PHARAH" AMARI has entered LENA LICKS THE COMPETITION]
PHARAH: Am I reading this correctly?
PHARAH: Do Uncle Jack and Uncle Gabe really have the same bad taste in music?
ANA: lol yes
76: Bad taste???
REAPER: Well what the hell do you listen to?
PHARAH: Hard rock and heavy metal mostly.
PHARAH: Lately I've been into 3rd wave glam metal.
D.VA: 3rd wave glam?
PHARAH: Y'know, bands like Lordi, Steel Panther, & The Darkness.
PHARAH: Thanks Jeese.
MCCREE: Yer welcome.
D.VA: wAIT WHAT?
D.VA: You don't listen to country???
MCCREE: Of course I do,
MCCREE: but that dont mean im some one-trick pony.
D.VA: MIND = BLOWN
MCCREE: oh fuck off back to call of duty or whatever
D.VA: first of all HOW DARE YOU!
TRACER: *AHEM!*
TRACER: I think were gettin off topic
TRACER: @ MCCREE yes, gabe is gay...
TRACER: but that doesnt mean he hasnt been with a woman
TRACER: and I know for a fact that he has.
76: What!?
MCCREE: Lena...
MCCREE: Are yall sayin that you n gabe...?
REAPER: No.
TRACER: Lol!
TRACER: No i have not had sex with gabe
TRACER: but i know a woman who has.
SOMBRA: O
SOMBRA: M
SOMBRA: G!
SOMBRA: PLEASE TELL US!!
REAPER: Please don't.
TRACER: >
TRACER: GATHER ROUND KIDDOS! ITS STORY TIME!
MCCREE: Uh lena
MCCREE: Most of us are older than you
TRACER: ...
TRACER: Do you wanna hear this story or not jesse?
MCCREE: I apologize.
TRACER: Thats what I thought.
TRACER: So,
TRACER: this was about 8 yrs ago
TRACER: i'd been with overwatch for a little under a year
D.VA: wait how old r u?
TRACER: 26
D.VA: so u were 17 when u joined??
TRACER: yup ^_^
MERCY: So was I.
MCCREE: Me too
D.VA: wtf!?
D.VA: im 19 and @ SOLDIER:76 keeps calling me a child!!
76: I learned from past mastakes.
76: Except for Angela
76: She was one of the good ones
TRACER: Rude.
MCCREE: ^
MERCY: Come on Jack, Jesse and Lena are not that bad.
76: You weren't here for the cheeto incident
MCCREE: I thought we agreed to never mention that again
MERCY: The Cheeto incident?
TRACER: You really dont wanna know
TRACER: Anyway,
TRACER: So id just turned 18
TRACER: and one of the blokes from the marketing department comes up to me
D.VA: you had a marketing department?
TRACER: of course!
JESSE: Sombra just mentioned that there were posters
D.VA: o yea
D.VA: my bad
D.VA: @ TRACER plz continue
TRACER: Apparently they felt that overwatch was in need of a new poster child
TRACER: After all, Ana & Rein were in their 50s
TRACER: and Jack, Gabe, & Torb were in their mid/late 40s
TRACER: No offense, guys.
REINHARDT: None taken!
REINHARDT: I'm still in the springtime of youth!
ANA: Your back would beg to differ.
GENJI: I should have never introduced you to Naruto.
TRACER: They'd been trying to get Angie to do it, but she'd refused.
D.VA: why?
MERCY: I joined Overwatch to help people, not for fame.
TRACER: So bc i'm young and cute af
TRACER: they asked me
TRACER: and of course i said yes.
TRACER: So I got flown out to freakin hollywood for a week to do a photo shoot
TRACER: They set me up in a nice hotel n everythin
TRACER: but u dont wanna hear about that
TRACER: the shoot only took 4 days
TRACER: so i had a few days with nothin to do
TRACER: so i decide to play tourist and explore a bit
TRACER: and i find this cute little hole-in-the-wall bakery
TRACER: i pop in since it was about lunchtime & im feelin a bit peckish
EMILY: Lena, I swear, if you use the words "Cheeky Nandos", I will break up with you.
TRACER: lol, fair
MCCREE: What?
EMILY: Don't ask.
EMILY: Seriously.
TRACER: so
TRACER: the place was really small
TRACER: only like 2 tables
TRACER: there was only 1 other customer
TRACER: to b fair tho, it was like 2pm on a tuesday
TRACER: the other guy left so it was just me n the owner
TRACER: who was an attrative woman of about 40 or so
TRACER: and me being young & full of hormones
TRACER: i start flirting
WINSTON: Seriously Lena?
TRACER: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
TRACER: she seemed receptive
76: She was probably just being nice.
76: Just because they're nice to you, doesn't mean they like you.
TRACER: Wait for it.
TRACER: so i learned her name is Rebecca
REAPER: ...fuck.
TRACER: and as we're talking,
TRACER: one of the ovens starts beeping
TRACER: so she goes over and pulls out...
TRACER: a batch of maple walnut fudge
PHARAH: As in...THE maple walnut fudge???
TRACER: Yup.
ANA: Oh my god.
SOMBRA: wait im lost
D.VA: ^
PHARAH: Maple walnut fudge is Uncle Gabe's favorite treat.
TRACER: Exactly
76: Wait. @ PHARAH how did you know that?
PHARAH: I don't remember exactly,
PHARAH: but I'm pretty sure mom mentioned it at some point.
PHARAH: I remember making some to bribe Uncle Gabe,
PHARAH: so he wouldn't tell mom that Jesse had taken me out drinking for my 17th birthday.
ANA: @ PHARAH @ MCCREE YOU WHAT!?!?
MCCREE: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
PHARAH: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
ANA: I can't believe this.
ANA: I'm not even sure which of you three i'm most angry at
WINSTON: Three?
ANA: I'm including Gabe,
ANA: since the bribe was apparently successful.
REAPER: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
TRACER: ANYWAY
TRACER: i knew this too
TRACER: So i see the fudge and i'm like
TRACER: "omg Gabe love those!"
TRACER: & Rebecca freezes
TRACER: shes like "Gabe? As in Gabriel Reyes?"
TRACER: and I'm like,
TRACER: "yeah, hes a coworker. u know him?"
TRACER: she thinks for a moment
TRACER: then she says that she'll give me the entire batch for free
TRACER: if i promise that Gabe doesn't get even a crumb
TRACER: i'm a bit confused, but i agree to it
TRACER: and long conversation short:
TRACER: Rebecca is Gabe ex-wife
SOMBRA: OMFG!!!
D.VA: NO WAY!! XD
MCCREE: Holy shit!
GENJI: *GASPS IN JAPANESE*
76: @ REAPER YOU WERE MARRIED?!?!?!?
REAPER: Yes.
ANA: How did none of us ever know??
REAPER: I like to keep my work life and private life separate.
TRACER: So now that we had something in common
TRACER: the convo got so much more interesting
TRACER: and we started swapping embarassing stories about Gabe.
REAPER: Lena, no.
SOMBRA: Lena please!
PHARAH: Which stories?
TRACER: Well, there was the time Jesse set off fireworks under Gabe's bed.
REAPER: I fucking knew that was you!!!
MCCREE: You were asking for it.
MCCREE: You had been an even bigger jerk than usual that month.
TRACER: or the time Genji glued Gabe's hands to his face while he was napping.
REAPER: THAT WAS YOU!?!?
REAPER: I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!!!
WINSTON: How on Earth did you manage that Genji?
GENJI: I'm a ninja.
GENJI: Duh.
TRACER: ...and of course,
TRACER: Rebecca had stories of her own.
REAPER: Oh...shit.
TRACER: Like the incident at the neighborhood watch meeting.
ANA: What happened?
TRACER: Gabe pulled a gun on an 8-year-old.
76: @ REAPER You did WHAT!?
REAPER: The little brat kept screaming because his parents weren't paying attention to him.
REAPER: He wouldn't shut up!
REAPER: I would have been more understanding if he was under 5 or something.
REAPER: But he was eight!
REAPER: Tell me none of you would have been tempted to do something similar.
MCCREE: He has a point.
TRACER: and then there was the incident at the waterpark.
REAPER: Okay, that one was not my fault.
SOMBRA: What happened?
TRACER: They went to a water park,
TRACER: and Rebecca ran into an old friend,
TRACER: and while they were talking,
TRACER: Gabe get bored and is just looking around,
TRACER: and he sees an ice cream stand.
ANA: You have such a sweet tooth, Gabe.
TRACER: So he's just standing there, staring.
REAPER: I was trying to read the menu.
TRACER: and he's got that look on his face
GENJI: you mean this one...
GENJI: >
TRACER: Lol, yeah.
TRACER: and some guy near the ice cream stand, who apparently was drunk af, thinks Gabe is mean muggin him
TRACER: so the guy storms up to Gabe
TRACER: the dude doesn't even come up to Gabe's chin, lol
TRACER: and they start arguing
TRACER: and a fight breaks out.
TRACER: Both of them are now banned from that water park, lol.
REAPER: He swung first.
REAPER: So, again,
REAPER: Not my fault.
TRACER: But the best story,
TRACER: HAS to be the time Rebecca took Gabe ice skating.
REAPER: Lena
REAPER: Please listen to me.
REAPER: I am BEGGING you...
GENJI: woah, what?
MCCREE: Mcfuckin wut??
SOMBRA: !!!
76: Did I really just read that?
ANA: holy shit!
ANA: Gabe begging??
REAPER: SILENCE!!!
TRACER: ...
TRACER: @ REAPER ...I'm listening.
REAPER: What will it take to get you to never tell that story?
TRACER: Whats your offer?
REAPER: ...
SOMBRA: @ REAPER well??
REAPER: I'm thinking. I'm thinking!
REAPER: Okay...
REAPER: I promise that for as long as I live,
REAPER: I will do everything I can to ensure that Talon never harms Amelie again.
TRACER: Offer considered...
76: No. Make him surrender to Overwatch.
TRACER: but if I do that, talon could still get a hold of Amelie,
TRACER: whereas this will make sure hes on his best behavior
PHARAH: You sound like my mother.
ANA: Lol, true.
TRACER: @ REAPER Offer accepted.
REAPER: ...Thank you.
PHARAH: So, Lena
PHARAH: Did the flirting work or not?
TRACER: ...
TRACER: Let me put it this way...
TRACER: "Gabe's ex-wife"...
TRACER: is now "Kelly's wife".
SOMBRA: XD
D.VA: IM CRYING
76: Oh god.
REAPER: I hate you.
REAPER: Let's just move on please.
REAPER: So Lena,
REAPER: What on Earth made you even think you would win this bet with Widowmaker?
TRACER: Well,
TRACER: I actually had 3 distinct advantages.
GENJI: WAIT!!!
TRACER: ?
GENJI: I'm making popcorn. Anyone else want some?
MCCREE: Yall gotta ask?
PHARAH: What kind?
GENJI: It's all microwave popcorn
GENJI: but we have regular buttered, extra buttery, movie theater butter, xtra cheezey, and a single bag of non buttered
GENJI: Whose is that?
[SYMMETRA has entered LENA LICKS THE COMPETITION]
SYMMETRA: That would be mine.
GENJI: Why would you actually buy that?
SYMMETRA: I am lactose intolerant.
GENJI: ...
GENJI: but it's not real butter.
SYMMETRA: I'd rather not take any chances.
D.VA: dibs on the xtra cheezey!!!
TRACER: oh man, popcorn would be aces right about now
EMILY: Sorry babe, but I think we're all out.
TRACER: T_T
SOMBRA: can i have some?
D.VA: i'll share!
SOMBRA: <3
ANA: fuck it. popcorn break!
76: Fine.
76: but I want everyone back here in 10 minutes.
D.VA: geez fine dad
76: Don't call me that.
