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manchaliaina — Sky Witch Clump
Published: 2006-10-20 09:46:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 488; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 3
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I thought I wouldn't carry anotherman on my back like this. Lithe men
are tiresome, you'd be surprised how hard
they fall across your shoulders. But here I go.
I don't fancy myself a messiah, you know.
This hill and this load suggest
I'm hoping he'll nail me when we get to
the top, but slow death by man-ification
seems inglorios. And who would I be saving?
No, this trek is drudgery - mundane as trout.
I'm a creature of habit and - forgive me - habit will out.
I could throw him off the edge once I got
to the top, but you see - the point is
getting there - with him - so I can put him down
and he can see - hand me an apple under
a burgeoning sky - and leave me -
I don't fancy me a martyr -
martyrs die.
I just carry men on my back
and I can open-sesame the sky.
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Comments: 22
This is lovely . . . echoes of Simon of Cyrene carrying Christ's cross, mixed in with a bit of Sisyphus and his boulder.
I'm hoping he'll nail me when we get to the top - some interesting double meaning there . . . in the same stanza, you misspelled "inglorious."
There are quite a few dashes in the last few stanzas, and the choppy lines emulate quite well the panting breaths of someone carrying a man up a hill. Very nice job.
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I'm really glad you said that about the last stanza. It's the one i was most worried about. I've been wanting to rework it, actually, but haven't figured out how. Maybe I don't need to...
Much much appreciated.
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"slow death by man-ification"
i love it.
really beautiful poem.
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pointed this out to me...
and I must say, "WOW", this is a beautiful poem. It flows so nicely from the serious to the comical (I love the line 'mundane as trout')
And that last stanza is incredibly powerful!
Awesome stuff, a 
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thank you very much, especially for listening to gossip and hearsay!
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I love the last stanza, it gives this poem the greatest ending...
"I just carry men on my back
and open-sesame the sky."
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i'd follow this to the ends of the earth. you are so very gifted my dear.
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the last stanza =
just wow. youre an inspiration to me ^_^
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Hang the title...this is a piece of brilliance this is!! Very powerful images and the conceit is sheer magic! Beautifully written Mate 
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Conceit, eh? hmmm... 
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Oh...sorry...I get really techinical when critiquing poetry. I mean the extended metaphor that the poem works under {that of the crucifixion of Christ and it being a metaphor for you and this person you care about so much}. That's what I meant Mate 
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aha! I thought as much, but just wanted to make sure.
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