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manchaliaina β Better Lover
Published: 2006-03-16 21:57:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 189; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 21
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Description
I know your eyes. Deep down they believeyou can pick up stones with your
lashes and build a church to broken
homes. Your feet have already
run the miles it would take your heart
to get there and get back again, so
don't say to me you love her better
a second time. You've only just
tasted salt seas and who you love
doesn't matter - you'll love them all by
the end. It's just the pea
to your skin and you were born
to plusher beds than this. If the sky
pulled a cover over you, would you still
think good of closing your eyes? The night
was always for waking, love; the sky
a mirror of your ardor and the rain
a balm, and news of the other side.
What would you do without
news of the other side?
Don't say you love her better.
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Comments: 10
Hmm, I think I have to agree with `diamondie There were moments in this that blew me away - 'It's just the pea to your skin' and 'The night was always for waking, love' particularly - but as a whole it didn't really get me swaying like you usually do. I'm sowwy!
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Wow...that's all I can muster up to say...wow!!!
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it's possible to be better lover if you have a third heart that understands what you think you don't or what you think you already know but still you're confused about it and yeah that's what the third heart is all about.
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I really like this style. The way you have the breaks set really pulls you. 
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I have to say I didn't really like this poem that much. It seems too clichΓ©d and cheesy compared to your usual writing. The first line is too pompous and Celine Dion like and it leaves a first impression that affects the whole piece for me. Using the word "love" seven times in the course of the poem seems excessive.
I like the sixth and seventh stanzas, but I think the rest needs more work. And I probably sound more harsh than I should, because the rest isn't bad, but like I said it doesn't compare to your other love poems.
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There are definitely way too many "loves" in this poem. I will have to do something about it. I disagree about the Celine Dion thing, but that may be flat denial. I was going for something in particular and didn't get there. I hate that.
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your magnificence baffles me. i do believe in it though. bravo.
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