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Lost-Opium — Floating
#depression #dog #fursona #personal #space #suicide #unicorn #disociation
Published: 2017-03-01 18:43:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 605; Favourites: 99; Downloads: 1
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Description
Since several weeks (months?) I feel like I’m constantly floating. I don’t know anymore where I am or where I’m going. I don’t know anymore what I’m doing or what I should do. I’m uncertain about everything, about my work, about my studies, about what I want to say, about my life, about myself. Sometimes I ask if I’m real and then start to panick, but I also wish that none of this was real because I’m scared of that world and if none of this are real so are my insecures. I don’t know where I belong. Do I even belong to somewhere?I was definitly not prepared to grow up. I was definitly not prepared to have a futur. I always thought that my tomorrows would never exist and I keep thinking that. So I’m still unready and scared and wish that everything stop. Maybe that’s why I’m floating?
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Comments: 56
I use this to work with watercolors 
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Nice! 
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watercolor can be hard but must take our timeto learn and try again and again ^^
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Ohh. C'est très étrange car je comprends totalement ce que tu évoques. Il m'est arrivé le même genre de choses il y a quelques temps. J'ai fini par perdre pied, notamment avec la réalité (qui pour moi n'avait plus trop de sens à ce moment).
Bref, bon courage à toi, je sais ce que c'est, et c'est pour ça que ce dessin fait un écho en moi de ouf. (bon, et aussi il est magnifique. Good job, mate)
<3 sur toi l'ami
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merci ! Heh ouais la dissociation c'est pas... c'est... pff ouai étrange à gerer :s but anyway! *throw sparkles at you* <3
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Plasticity, composition, colours - this piece is great! Also it transports a calm feeling, like floating indeed.
I do not think that when you grow up you start to be "ready" for everything. In fact that might be the biggest mistake when thinking about being grown up: That you "have" to be like this and that.
What is it that scares you in the world?
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Thank You. It might be a big mistake though society, education and also Family push us to be ready. You are adult si you should be able to do everything and have a job, in fact, serve society. I hate This world i don't want to be part of it. I never asked to be and it makes me fear That world even more
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Yes, this pushing is a big problem. It is wrong.
By "world" you mean the world around us, like job, rules, society? That you must follow certain obligations?
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yes sorry that is what I meant (sorry i'm very bad for expressing myself even in my native language o_O)
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There is no reason to be sorry.
I myself said "I do not want to have to think about the future (in that world) anymore!" three years ago. So far it works better and better, although it was hard at the beginning. But of course the idea is not to just ignore everything, but to find out how it truly works.
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I admit, I never thought that I would live this far that's why I never thought really about my future ^^' I thought I would be happy now that i'm in the school I wanted htat i would see more clear and have a new world to visit and do whatever I like to do!!! but... yeah...
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... you're floating...
What school is that? And is it so that can not do whatever you like?
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I'm in an art school, Fine Art more specificly and... I thought I would be free of doing whatever I like but... nope, I fell in the trap :/ I failed my first exam (which is very important) because I draw too much. And I also get that most of the teacher are especting a...kind of a "fine art profil" from us which I absolutly don't have. I only want to learn and improve and draw what I want to express. I can't do whatever I want eveything must have a fuckin meaning. I thought art was free but it's not. I'm trying to other thing, I try to not draw too much, do photos and sculpture and expressive painting but... I don't enjoy that as much as drawing. But I must do it to please the teachers and pass the years :/
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Now that sounds familiar :/ I chose to study design and not art, and I think that that was a good decision for designers seem to be a bit more open to arguments sometimes. And that is what I do, learned to do: Ask "why?". If the teachers can not prove their point, how am I supposed to believe them, when it feels wrong? Of course that strategy is not easy to apply, depending on the teacher and the condition I'm in. But it's also training.
So you do want to pass the years?
Note: I'll propably be offline for a few days from now.
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I was in graphic design before and I'm used now to always find a fuckin point to everything I do but sometimes I just... don't want to give explanation! It might work so to just say "I only wanted to make something about sensation" but depend of the teacher... I want be graduated to go in the second cycle and THERE learn about comics! And also go study in other country with the erasmus program but i have to finish this year and get graduated in the last one. But I'm not even sure to pass that year, i'm not even sure if i belong to that school.
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Well, if these explanations are just there for the teachers and do not have any value, they are bad, of course. But that would just be another thing I would ask the teachers "why?" for.
Aha, comics!
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making things that you don't want to do only for other is bad but there is so many of us doing this. If only things could be as simple... if only teachers were not judging things from what they like and get open about the potential of someone.
It would be nice to study comic in another country but I wouldn't be able to pay everything. That's why i'm counting on the Erasmus plan that is in the school i'm in right now. Erasmus give you the opportunity to study in a foreign country and financialy help you for that.
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Yes, the amount of people doing that is amazingly high... and yes, some teachers are not too good at their job.
I see. I've heard about it. Which countries do actually offer to study comics? I'd think france was a good choice...
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For now I only know about Belgium cause their school are very famous in the comics field. But I think there is also some in england, obviously USA... The Erasmus programm tho doesn't only focus on comics but more like art in general i guess... Cause yeah for doing comic you shouldn't only focus on comic itself X) If I make it to the 4th year i think i'll either go to Belgium or Portugal. Dunno if France is a good choice, I could have left the country if i had money! and the strenght to move to another country >.<
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I see. This "for comic you shouldn't focus on comic only"-thought made me choose a "usual" design school, too... and the unwillingness to move to another country
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urrrh even studies are so complicated...
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Do you think so? Well... I don't know. I guess you will make it.
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I Hope... I'm tired of travelling from School to School
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*holds your shoulders* Ma Petite, chaque fois que je vous vois soumettre l'art, je suis stupéfié. Chaque photo. Chaque photo d'Instagram. Chaque larme. Chaque sourire. Votre existence me remplit de combustible. I wish I had something more physically meaningful to tell or impart to you, but Grandpa can tell you at least this: You are not alone. It may not feel like very much, and it may seem like a lot of meaningless words heaved at you from across the internet, but you are not alone and you do not have to float alone. At almost 33, I'm well over a decade beyond what I thought I would live. I still feel like that at least a few days a week, that planning for a future is beyond me because I didn't grow up thinking I had a useable 'present', let alone future.I grew up thinking either war or self harm was going to be the end of me, and there are still many days I have to fight to keep that thinking in the back seat.
Every time I see you draw, you don't just improve, you leap. You bound forwards with experimentation and openness and the ability to stay soft-hearted in a world full of iron wills. And I have faith that though not easy or consistantly forward-moving, your star will just keep shining brighter. Le papi croit en vous, ma petit caneton.
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Merci papi *hug* merci beaucoup. Why do everything ask us to ne ready when half of people here is not even after a long time? I don't understand and i keep thinking That This world is not for me or That I'm either not made for it. I want to go home.
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thank you for that *hug* Sad I can't even read myself.
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I can't tell you where you are or where you should go, that is something I think only you can figure out, in time. But I can tell you that your art work is beautiful, and perhaps it is exactly because of these insecurities? Your work is filled with emotions, and it's part of what makes them beautiful... Even if everything else feels unreal, you can rest assured that the emotions you portray in your work feel very real. I don't blame you for being scared and uncertain. Growing up is scary. Figuring out how life works and how to deal with it is scary. The future is scary. I understand, 'cause I'm scared too. But I guess we'll just have to try to work our way through life, our own way, figuring out things as we go? Hang in there, and I hope you will find something to ground you. Or a way to make the floating more fun.
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thank you so much *hug* I'm sorry I don't have... any words i can only nods and thank you??
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The coloring on this looks very lovely ! ;U; I love it <33
Was this done with watercolors...?
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the background is watercolor yes and the character is watercolor, watercolored pencil and rotring and ink X) there is also posca for the stars
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Oh thanks ! And no problem, you made this mixed media piece look truly amazing
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Tant qu'à flotter, aussi bien se laisser porter là où le vent nous emmène...
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si seulement on nous laisser vraiment faire ça
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C'est flotter comme un ballon avec la corde dans les mains de quelqu'un alors...
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possiblement... là ou sa pêche alors c'est le quelqu'un qui la tien cette corde.
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Voilà, tant qu'à flotter, autant flotter librement.
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Oui... Personne a part la société ne tiens ma corde Tho :/
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Ah ben ça, ça fait un gros paquets de mains qui tirent sur la corde, hein!
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ouais >.> un peu trop et pas vraiment les mains les plus douces.
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Rendu là c'est plus du flottement, c'est du ballottage...
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je suppose en effet... ballottage vient de ballon?
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Ça vient des petites balles qu'on utilisait pour voter autrefois, apparemment...
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On aura appris un truc aujourd'hui, c'est déjà pas mal! XD
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