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LitostAndTea — Get A Horse!
#car #comic #cyborg #horse #horsegirl #mecha #oc #centaur #centauress #centaurette #centaurgirl #horseracing #monstergirl #racehorse #monstermusumenoirunichijou #monstermusume #uma_musume #uma_musume_pretty_derby
Published: 2018-07-26 03:21:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 5538; Favourites: 50; Downloads: 33
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Description
Pitch for a Webcomic series I am developing.In a world of fantasy long forgotten, A motorized amputee and a centauress aspiring to be a racestar together face the daily adventures of life.
I don't want this to be too derivative of things like Monster Musume or Uma Musume, so I'm requesting feedback on the designs, no matter how harsh.
I hope to eventually build an audience and get enough support, but that's only when I will start dedicating myself more to this account. We'll see what happens.
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Comments: 9
I wonder what happened for him to lose his legs etc. does he still have the family jewls around?
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I admit, the model on the right looks more comfortable! If a titch bulkier (and a few titches more fun). Get me a horse!
I like the way they look; I don't find the centaur's human midsection too long. A lot of centaur pictures have a horse portion that seems unpleasantly disproportionate, but this pleases me.
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Well, you asked for honest feedback, so here goes.
I like a lot of their character designs. He's grumpy, she's cute and dorky. It could work. A lot depends on the writing and storytelling, of course: This feels much more like a comedy than a drama, so if you were going for drama, you might have missed that mark.
The main thing that strikes me is their heights: They both seem too tall, for different reasons. In his case, being that high off the ground would be dangerous, I'd think: The higher up his center of balance, the more likely he is to fall over, and once he's down, he's not getting back up again. Maybe the scooter under him is really bottom-heavy to counterbalance his weight, but that then would have other mobility issues. It's hard to tell how much of him exists below the waist, but I'd think he'd want to be riding lower to better avoid toppling. He's probably a good foot taller than somebody riding in a wheelchair, and those are designed to keep the center of balance low — and even then, those can topple from time to time.
As for her, I think it's just how she's drawn: If you were to remove her outfit, you'd see a really looooong midsection (human belly) on her: From the bottom of her (human) ribcage to her lower (equine) shoulders seems to be about twice as long as it should be. I think if you were to shorten her by either the yellow part or the black part at her waist, she'd look a lot more proportionate. Other than that, her proportions look fine to me.
The musculature on her legs looks a little off, though: You might want to find a few more horse-photo references to compare against. It's really close, but there are more muscles than I'd expect there, and some of them look out-of-place. And especially on such a skinny girl: Muscles are a bit more normal on a racer, I suppose, but if you look at real-world (human) female runners, yeah, their legs are pretty sturdy, but the rest of them are pretty muscley too, and she's a skinny dork of a girl attached to a muscley beast of a lower body, and that doesn't seem to fit well. You might want to either thicken her arms or thin the upper part of her legs a little to make them match better.
Her human hair is blond, but her tail is black. That's a little striking, and I wonder about the genetics that would produce such colorings. Her two halves are so different in coloring that I almost wonder if she's as artificially-created as he is.
His color palette is somewhat bland: It's almost all greys and blacks. You might want to change it up somewhat, because she's far more visually interesting with all those bright primary colors on her; it would be almost easy to overlook him in a scene that she's in (but maybe that's by design).
I don't think it feels derivative of Monster Musume. That's a silly harem comedy, but there are plenty of other kinds of storytelling out there, even within comedies, and I'll be curious what you do with it.
That's my two cents, for whatever they're worth.
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Thank you very much for your thoughtful feedback. I was shooting for this to be a comedic slice-of-life, if that wasn't explained clearly in the description I have so far. You did very well at noticing concerning details, and I am definitely going to keep those things in mind when either redesigning them or incorporating them into the story. For example, The wheel guy doesn't like to be looked down upon, even as a amputee, so he has his scooter in an upright position. Because of this, he sometimes falls down, but he doesn't care, as long as he retains the standing height he had when he had legs. The centaur-ess has a black tail because either of genetics, or maybe she dyed it black for personal reasons. (She wants to be more of a bay horse-like centaur, like one of her racing idols or something.)
I hope to practice drawing horse parts more so I can improve her body shape. Once again, thank you for your feedback, and I value your curiosity in this developing project.
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I can understand the motive behind the scooter. The triangular base can help against most tip hazards. I would still suggest two poles built in to help when it needs to "stand up". He may have also added a gyroscope to help balance issues.
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I have a thing for centaur girls, so I'll be keeping an eye on this
I think if you're going to make the black tail a character point, it's going to take a fair amount of explanation/backstory. Dyeing that much hair takes a lot of time and effort, and it has to be done at fairly regular intervals because it keeps growing — human hair typically grows an inch a month, and I'd imagine her tail grows at a similar pace, so if she's dyeing it, she has to be pretty dedicated to spend several hours every month keeping it black. (Alternatively, she could be dyeing her human hair from black to blond, but that's about the same amount of effort.) Admittedly, you're in a fantasy world, so maybe there's a spell for all that dyeing? — but it seems unsatisfying to explain it away with "a wizard did it."
That scooter arrangement seems awkward and uncomfortable. I think I can see why he looks so irritable.
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I would say it's the human head of hair that's being dyed. Easier to manage and touch up than a regular tail job. It's also easier to manage assuming there is a beauty parlor in that world in the first place. The touch up would be part of her regular trim/styling sessions.
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I dunno, is it really easier to have your head or your tail colored and styled? One involves noxious chemicals inches from the part of you that really should be continuously taking in fresh air, while the other involves noxious chemicals inches from the part of you that produces noxious gases. It almost seems like from a safety perspective that the tail dye-job would be the easier of the two. That said, depending on the hairstylist, they might be less familiar with tail-styling and more familiar with head-styling, so I really can't say, but it seems the more I think on it like tails would be easier to color.
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I'll defer to females on this one. Having hair dyed blonde and other colors has been a long time trend. And while the far end may emit noxious gasses, it's also very sensitive.prone to infections that said chemicals could bring.
In either case it's relatively easy to place a temporary barrier to eliminate most accidents.
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