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Description
I mean, happy early valentines xp

So yeah, one year apart from the last valentines, and I've had two separate relationships, both of which ended on a rather... unsatisfying and betraying note. I won't get into the details but yeah.

----Vent Stuff----
I've poured my heart into those relationships and none of those worked out, and I might be selfish for saying this, but both ended because of reasons I have absolutely no control over. I literally had the mindset of sticking with them, disregarding any bad things that happens, and well, suffice to say I was holding onto that "bridge" very strongly. But it crumbled because, a bridge needs support from both sides, and one side chooses to falter. Again, selfish of me, but please treat this as just a vent or sorts.

I really want (perhaps even need) a partner or some sorts of very close emotional bond with someone, someone to trust upon, you know? Past events make me pretty distrusting, but I know I need to open up more, and please for once believe me, it's REALLY FUCKING HARD to do so. I'd be lying if I force myself to, and it doesn't feel pleasant at all. I know I gotta take small steps towards trusting people more but EVERY DAMNED TIME I do it, the stairs crumble. I know the reasons for the break ups were respectable, and I understand, but goddamn it felt like I was backstabbed. This is attributed to what my friend calls "codependency" which is something bad. So, there goes another thing on the to-do list.

I'm facing the hard truth that, for most cases, I need to be attractive and true enough to myself so that I can get that special someone. But I really wish it was the other way around, to have that someone so that I can be a better person (this is codependency by the way, I hope you can see this and be helped).

It HURTS, it's confusing, and I feel lost, but I know I gotta make the step if I ever want to be a better person.

I've changed my dreams so many times, from being a priest, to be a scientist, then to be a "second Hitler" (yes), to just want to be the very best for whomever my partner will be.

I dedicate this drawing to my future soulmate, whom I know, I will love with all my heart, and we shall share our happiness together, until death do us part.
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Anyways, the picture depicts Lazarus cuddling Laura, cos forever alone ;-;

Description
I mean, happy early valentines xp

So yeah, one year apart from the last valentines, and I've had two separate relationships, both of which ended on a rather... unsatisfying and betraying note. I won't get into the details but yeah.

----Vent Stuff----
I've poured my heart into those relationships and none of those worked out, and I might be selfish for saying this, but both ended because of reasons I have absolutely no control over. I literally had the mindset of sticking with them, disregarding any bad things that happens, and well, suffice to say I was holding onto that "bridge" very strongly. But it crumbled because, a bridge needs support from both sides, and one side chooses to falter. Again, selfish of me, but please treat this as just a vent or sorts.

I really want (perhaps even need) a partner or some sorts of very close emotional bond with someone, someone to trust upon, you know? Past events make me pretty distrusting, but I know I need to open up more, and please for once believe me, it's REALLY FUCKING HARD to do so. I'd be lying if I force myself to, and it doesn't feel pleasant at all. I know I gotta take small steps towards trusting people more but EVERY DAMNED TIME I do it, the stairs crumble. I know the reasons for the break ups were respectable, and I understand, but goddamn it felt like I was backstabbed. This is attributed to what my friend calls "codependency" which is something bad. So, there goes another thing on the to-do list.

I'm facing the hard truth that, for most cases, I need to be attractive and true enough to myself so that I can get that special someone. But I really wish it was the other way around, to have that someone so that I can be a better person (this is codependency by the way, I hope you can see this and be helped).

It HURTS, it's confusing, and I feel lost, but I know I gotta make the step if I ever want to be a better person.

I've changed my dreams so many times, from being a priest, to be a scientist, then to be a "second Hitler" (yes), to just want to be the very best for whomever my partner will be.

I dedicate this drawing to my future soulmate, whom I know, I will love with all my heart, and we shall share our happiness together, until death do us part.
-----------------------------------

Anyways, the picture depicts Lazarus cuddling Laura, cos forever alone ;-;