Comments: 19
1stMateBlah [2010-08-28 17:19:38 +0000 UTC]
Very well written, with out a dough, you are improving rapidly!
I love the feel that you get from this story, It fits the characters very well
^_^
--
Practice makes Better
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okami11235 [2010-08-24 20:48:15 +0000 UTC]
Very good, I think I actually shed a tear near the end.
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chappy1000 [2010-08-15 00:29:36 +0000 UTC]
It was really suspenseful and cute! You're getting better at it! ^^
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Kai-Akatsuki [2010-08-14 04:37:34 +0000 UTC]
At least the Vasto Lordes died laughing. Good Job
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RukiaGH [2010-08-13 23:22:34 +0000 UTC]
Note to above criticism: The uniform is called a 'Shihakusho' not 'Shihaksho'. Also, I would leave a full criticism, but I'm only on my phone so yeah, sorry for that xD. & symbol should not be used and perhaps you should proof read to check for typos. When I get on my computer, I can give a full analysis :3.
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Krispy-Neptune In reply to RukiaGH [2010-08-17 01:17:10 +0000 UTC]
lol
what you doing up at 2 in the morning?
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RukiaGH In reply to Krispy-Neptune [2010-08-17 20:31:45 +0000 UTC]
Well, let's just say I'm a night owl and not an early bird x3.
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Krispy-Neptune In reply to RukiaGH [2010-08-18 08:40:17 +0000 UTC]
Me too, I'm becoming nocturnal for this thing
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Asagi-K-Kurosaki [2010-08-13 22:43:28 +0000 UTC]
Firstly it's really good, I can see that you took in my critiscism and makes this story much much better Firstly, the robes Soul Reapers wear are actually called Shihaksho (and "kamono" is actually spelled "kimono") it's hard to remember, yes, but it's very important that you do because a kimono is a formal gown only worn by women and only on special occasions, the top half of the Soul Reaper uniform is called a gi and the bottum half are hakama pants, the thin dress-like clothes that they wear (like the one Rukia wore in prison) are called yukata, wich can be worn by men and women; it can be worn to bed (the plain ones) or the more decorated ones can be worn to festivals Also you should say that Ichigo wasn't responding, not that he was, and "amazing difficult" should be "amazingly difficult" You're still using the & symbol now and then but I see major improvement, and "heel" should be "heal" also, since Shunshunrikka is one word you only need to capatalize the first letter and "angry" doesn't need to be capatalized either In the third paraghraph it should be "were" and not "where" and it should be "were" and not "was" wen Rukia is speaking, you've added more detail and I like that; you're very despciptive about certain things, mainly how a charector feels, and that's a good trait, you've also done well at keeping them in charector, however you may want to add a little more to the storyline, make things a little less simple and add more detail that way But this is a great improvement, it's great
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Krispy-Neptune In reply to Asagi-K-Kurosaki [2010-08-14 08:55:02 +0000 UTC]
I have also now edited this one. I love it so much that I thought I don't want any mistakes.
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Krispy-Neptune In reply to Asagi-K-Kurosaki [2010-08-14 08:27:37 +0000 UTC]
Thanks a lot! I see that you are extremely good at this, so I'm just going to keep following your advice. Also, I took my own advice a lot here when people were talking and using their characters voices & putting them to my writing to see if it would sound believable.
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Krispy-Neptune [2010-08-13 20:09:32 +0000 UTC]
please guys, comment!
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