Comments: 7
jack-cade In reply to udrite [2006-07-20 10:38:53 +0000 UTC]
Cheers, udrite!
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udrite In reply to jack-cade [2006-07-20 16:57:54 +0000 UTC]
Burrrp, lol, thanks.
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fleeet [2006-03-08 21:30:48 +0000 UTC]
The imagery in this reminds me of the story Kes.
I can picture the swallows and the scenery so clearly in my mind.
The whole of the last stanza is my favourite part - its where the Vonnegut comes to my mind. The cold moon brings to me memories of Sirens.
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discocabrado [2005-12-03 00:59:19 +0000 UTC]
I like! Particularly like the structure and the delicacy yet precision of the language. K x
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diamondie [2005-12-01 11:59:19 +0000 UTC]
But are they European or African swallows?
Sorry. I liked the imagery a lot. The structure works well too, though I'm not entirely sure about the enjambment between the stanzas. It appears somewhat awkward to me.
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jack-cade In reply to diamondie [2005-12-01 12:09:40 +0000 UTC]
Cheers, D. European, I think.
Hmm. Yeah, the enjambement is possibly needlessly jarring. I need to look into ways of rearranging it.
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