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intimachine — The Weary Will Sink
Published: 2009-02-09 18:24:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 377; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 5
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Description
Now there's a holein the surface of my empathy.
I tried fill it with a
logic that spoke nonsense to me
I had a vision, had a
purpose, felt like I had meaning
Girl, it's not you I miss.
I just miss the feeling,
(miss the feeling of your body).
Logic eroded 'neath
the downpour in the inner-city
We didn't see it coming,
the hurricane started so lightly,
but it won't wash away
the hurt or satisfy the yearning!
Our hands are clean,
so why is it I feel so dirty?
where has all the rain been falling?
I found an anchor in a phone-call from a friend.
I am no sort of liar... for the time, though, we'll pretend
to care about each other like we did when we were close.
I hear it helps with coping, keeps my spirits as high as my hopes.
Am I alone in this mausoleum we call home?
I tried to speak to God, but God unplugged his telephone,
so if You hear my voice while rummaging through AM stations,
please be patient, please tread lightly, listen as I strum
my pain away.
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Comments: 19
Ohhhhh. Nicely done! I had a hinkle there was a song behind it!
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No thanks needed! Keep up the good work. When I get a second to breathe, I intend on reading some more of these!
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Hm. I agree with ms. midnightsilence about the parentheses, but other than that, I thought it was a great piece of work.
You know what I thought, though, two lines in? Sounds like a song, with the last stanza as either the chorus or the bridge (is that the right term?).
I mean, I can almost hear a melody. Couldn't hum if for you if I tried, but it's right there.
Right, so awesome work! Thanks for sharing.
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you should check out the link in the artist's comments
and thank you kindly!
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I'm not sure if having (of your body) in parentheses really helps the poem. When I read it in my mind, there was a pause at the '(' and then I moved on to what was inside the parentheses. That was the only part that seemed to not flow very well. This could be just me, though, someone else might find it brilliant
Oh and btw, I tried to speak to God, but God unplugged his telephone. One of the best lines I have ever read in a poem 
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absolutely!
thank you for your thoughts. i've often thought about the parentheses... i may give that a small adjustment.
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Cool 
You may want to get another reader's opinion of it first. You never know what they may say.
And
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tbh, my favoritist part is the authors comment. and i think you picked an amazing title
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thanks, mate. i do very much appreciate it.
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no prob
(and following the authors comment,
Girl, it's not you I miss.
I just miss the feeling,
is my favorite part of the actual deviation submission thing)
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Oh, it's intense and beautifuly bitter dear. I especially liked the last stanza(?).
I tried to speak to God, but God unplugged his telephone
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