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ilolamai — Her desk
Published: 2011-08-25 14:46:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 46507; Favourites: 3142; Downloads: 789
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Description
It's her desk,not my desk.Repeat,it's her desk.But please don't ask me why do my works show up on her computer screen.
Program: SAI Paint Tool
Any critique is welcome.
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Commission open
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Comments: 882
Yes,you're right.Those figurines looks flat.I have to try again.Thank you very much for your critique.I will try to make it look better next time.
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I basically agree with the first two critiques and this is a very beautiful picture. The only thing I wanted to add was regarding her hand. It doesn't really look all that odd to me at all but I think if you had shaded it differently it would look more "correct". I'm looking at it as if her hand isn't just flat on the desk but rather the fingers are kind of curved but I think that would be more noticeable with more shading on the fingers. That said I just love the idea of this picture and the way you detailed the keyboard, laptop and the other computer screen wow it's just really amazing. Really cool idea, pretty well executed!
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I see.Thank you very much for your compliment,critique and suggestion.I will remember that.And i will try to do better next time.
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Hi! I saw this picture on the front page, so I'd thought I'd put a little input on it.
The first thing I noticed when looking at this piece was obviously the head(it's the focus of the piece more or less). The eyes are done beautifully with a great manga quality to them, but the whole head just seems a little... off. Perhaps if it wasn't so tilted backwards, it would seem more realistic. The hair is lovely, as well as the face proportions.
What bothers me is when you look further at the dolls in the room, they seem flat. I can see you put some in front of each other, but that isn't enough to make them look three dimensional. The hand also needs work on the foreshortening.
The amount of detail you put into the piece, however, is phenomenal. The fact that you added the computer screens and the magazines really adds a lot to the anime-esque atmosphere. If you were aiming to make her desk look cluttered, you should have added more papers or Pocky or whatnot, but if you wanted it to stay organized then you really hit the nail on the head. This picture portrays (to me) hat the girl is neat but is also an avid collector of manga statues(I didn't know that kind of person existed! e.deviantart.net/emoticons/let… " width="15" height="15" alt="
The originality for the pose, scene, and style is unfortunately not that great. Computers and desks are practically manga icons, and blue-eyed blonde manga girls are aslo pretty popular. Maybe it's just because I personally find manga to be repetitve.
I have no complaints on the quality of he colors / shading / coloring. The technique you used makes the composition look very professional! I could easily see this as a cover on a manga book or a wall poster. Good work over all! If I had to rate the whole composition, I would give it 3.5 stars out of 5.
This was my first critique, so let me know if I was too harsh. :3
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Thank you very much for your compliment,critique and suggestion.I read it all.It's very useful critique.I will remember that and i will try to do better.I hope you will have time to see my work again.Thanks^^
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Please bare with me as this is my first critique (such a shock, right?)
The initial glance at this picture is just a miraculous, however going more in-depth on the matter I realize a mass of wonders that just stick out.
As much as I love your work, and don't get me wrong you are amazing, there's just some perspective and shading issues I'd like to point out.
I'll just write out some things I loved and.. didn't particularly love.
The figurines don't look three-dimensional. They look like those paper dolls people draw or print out. Although the shadows on the K-On! girls seem to make them look 3-d, they still look like paper dolls. The same could be said for the figurines on the shelf, they look mashed together, there isn't any depth to them. It's almost as if you took pieces of paper and stuck them to the back.
I will give you props for the way you detailed the keyboard and laptop, not to mention the hair. That's always something I've admired about anyone's work is the close eye for detail in such things.
Another bothersome thing I've noticed is her hand, I'll be one to admit, "Holy crap hands are hard to draw!" but it seems like you've made all her fingers the same length, even the pinkie (which is considerable shorter than the other fingers). And the hand, along with the wrist, is very.. papery. Much like the figurines.
As for the character, she does look happy but it seems like one of those pictures where you'd almost be craning your neck to look over. But even trying the perspective was a risk! Props!
All in all I do think this was a good piece of work from you, but it certainly wasn't one of your best.
Maybe a little work on character positioning and 3-d analyzing will help, of course I'd understand how vexing that must have been to draw.
Other than that, good drawing, maybe you should re-do it in the future.
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Thank you very much for your compliment,critique and suggestion.Yes,you're right.Those figures look flat.It's because i tried to change then from front view to side view but i did not good enough.I still have to practice more and i will draw something like this again.Thanks^^
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I'm so glad you found it helpful 
Keep on going with your art! It's so amazing and I can't wait to see more from you!
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Great job with the perspective on the girl. She looks wonderful, though as someone else mentioned the pose looks a little bit extreme and uncomfortable.
Though your shading does look pretty good at a glance, I can't exactly seem to figure out where the light source is actually coming from. Before you start shading, always try to designate a specific place for the light to be coming from. In the case it seems like it is the computer screens and several other places. Personally I would have tried using just the computer screens as the light source.
As for the setting, the perspective of the "background" and the girl do not match up.
Here are some links to tutorials about perspective.
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Specifically for the dolls she has around her room, it looks like you've just drawn them straight on and then warped them. It may seem like a good trick, but it's obvious that they don't fit in with the picture and they aren't consistent with the light source.
So here's a break down of what I gave you:
Vision: 3.5 Stars
It seems to me that you have a lot of potential, and I think this picture had the potential to be about a thousand times better than it is, but you need more practice drawing from real life rather than just from anime.
Originality:
.5 stars
I'm sorry, I truly am, but there is absolutely nothing original about this picture.
Your style isn't unique in any way. It looks exactly the same as about 300,000 other anime artists.
The girl has nothing unique about her. She's blonde with blue eyes. What a shock.
She has no nose, super thin eyebrows, huge eyes and a tiny mouth. Just like every other anime girl you see now a days.
Taking someone with the same body and face shape, giving them a different hair style and eye color ,and calling them your character doesn't really make them individual. You want a memorable character right? So make something unique about them. Give her a different nose shape, maybe her eyes are a little too close together or far apart, maybe her mouth is low on her face. Who knows.
I love anime, personally, but seeing the same style in every single picture gets extremely boring very fast.
Beyond the girl herself, the concept has been done a million times and will be done a million more times. There's no shame in that, but as I previously stated, there's not much originality here, if any at all.
Technique:
4.5 Stars
You have the potential to be a wonderful artist. You're very talented, you just need to be a little more original. So for technique I gave you 4.5 stars. You need to practice anatomy, perspective, and picking a light source, but I think over all you got your "point" across and did a good job with it.
Impact:
2.5 Stars
The technique and Vision saved you with this. The originality of a concept and picture is usually what strikes me most and what I love most about someone's art but here unfortunately it just wasn't there. But I am amazed with your potential non-the-less. I especially love the hair shading.
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Thank you very much for your critique and suggestion.I read it all.And i agree with you.I will try to make my work look more original but i need time to do that.I will try to improve more.Thanks again^^
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I absolutely love this piece.
The way the hair was drawn is lovely, and the colors suit the picture well. The eyes are very attractive and were also very well-drawn. The wrinkles and shading in the clothes are also excellent. As are the keyboard, computers, chair and desk.
But there are a few minor things I would like to point out;
The head seems to be looking up at an odd angle, and the figurines/dolls seem to be a bit.. Flat.
But besides that this is a great drawing, just like the rest of the drawings in your gallery. Keep up the good work!^^
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Thank you very much for your compliment and critique.I understand.I will try to do better next time.
I will keep going^^
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I really enjoy the use of perspective, though I tried imitating that pose and almost hurt my neck. Anyway, the lines leading up to the vanishing point create a good sense of depth with those lovely eyes pulling you in. The details are wonderful as can be seen in the keyboards, the stack of papers in the bottom left, and the girl's hair.
The dolls on the desk and on the shelf seem out of place though. I do not mean that they do not belong in the work, but rather, they do not feel like they fit stylistically in the piece. If they are supposed to be figurines, they come off as paper dolls with the illusion of three dimensions.
Great concept overall and keep up the good work!
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I understand.Thank you very much for your critique.I will remember that.And i will try to do better next time^^
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No problem! I'm very glad to be of help!
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I agree, the image is really great but the figures do look a bit 2D compared to the rest. lol Paperdolls is an accurate description I'd put to it. Still doesn't look bad, just agree it looks out of place.
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Yeah, it would look rather empty without the dolls. I just meant that their dimensions were slightly off when compared to the rest of the work, making them difficult to mesh with their surroundings from an observer's perspective.
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i respect your point of view but for me they seem cool, normal sized desktop stuff... smaller would look like keychains or charms and bigger would be more standard plushies size
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They mean the 3-dimensional aspect. It looks like they were copy and pasted then skewed to fit. They don't look like 3d figurines, they just look like paper dolls as she suggested above. :3
They're size is totally fine, it's just the 3d aspect of them =toonham was referring to. ^^
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ok, i understand better but I still like it as it is ^^ too much 3d kills 3d
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But sometimes it's necessary. It keeps that sense of realism and depth, which is what this whole picture is aiming for. So the random 2-dimensional figurine's kind of don't fit well.
It would have looked better if they were more 3d, IMO. They do tend to take the wow out of the picture for me.
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I agree with you on the stoning quality of the work ^^ except the dolls, close your eyes and try to see the picture without em' ... not a bit empty ? and they'r stylish and drawen with a style close to the whole drawing ^^
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I clicked the wrong reply! D:
See above.
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Hold on just a minute...is that Serif DrawPlus X6 that I see on the desktop monitor???
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Wow... this was a very old comment... like almost a year old now
But you're welcome!
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Can't go wrong with Mio, Yui, Ritsu and Mugi on your desk!
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Cute~! LOL, shes using photoshop XD
I really like her eyes and hair. I can see what you tried to do with the dolls. They look like they were transformed/skewed weirdly, like, paper cutouts. Its not a big problem though, just constructive criticism. This is still an OUTSTANDING picture!
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Thank you very much.I'm glad that you like it.^^
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