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Forever-My-Cookie — Microwaveable Break Ups
Published: 2010-01-05 04:54:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 1168; Favourites: 26; Downloads: 4
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Description
Fill white carton of healing propertiesWith contaminated tap water.
Pop into microwave for 1:45;
Wait impatiently for an apology.
Take out, one second before the
"Beep, beep, heartbeat" sounds.
Optional – Add hot sauce/bitter words that were left unsaid for too long
And enjoy** the harsh reality.
**CAUTION: HOT!
Handle with care, especially when an
Utter mess.
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Comments: 44
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no problemm
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i really enjoyed this, what was its inspiration (if you dont mind me asking)?
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Oh I don't mind.
Under the circumstances of a bad relationship, we thought it best to break up. More like he thought it best to leave me and go our with my best friend... So I decided to make myself some Instant Lunch and this popped into mind.
It was really that straight forward, lol.
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What a dick. His actions make it more than clear that he doesn't deserve you. I like your poem, it's fantastic and needs nothing.
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Thank you very much, and yes he was a total jerk. At least now I don't have to worry about what he's doing behind my back.
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Clever and witty.
In terms of sound (not something you really asked for, but I have to say it), "when an" is not a combination that I favor (if you say is three times fast, and especially if you include the "utter" afterward, you'll probably see what I mean).
I think the concept is working really well for you here, but I think a little more fussing around with details and syntax and such will benefit the poem.
An area that I think could use some work: the first two lines. Not entirely sure why I think that, but it might have something to do with the use of the term "healing properties" which seems like it could get more specific (things that fall under healing properties: forgiveness, mercy, patience & much much more! so spice it up a little)
Hope that was helpful
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Nicely done 
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Thank you. By any chance do you have a link to that poem? Someone else has mentioned it as well and I'm extremely interested in reading it.
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No I don't have the link, sorry. Not sure if I faved it either, I get so many Deviations coming through on my DevWATCH that I lose track.
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Oh, thank you anyways.
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No problem and sorry again 
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I honestly think it's brilliant. Such a clever idea, very creative and it makes your poem stand out amongst all these identical, sometimes very pretentious texts about break up. And it it very witty, and original - Well...I wish I could give you some constructive critique, but - like I said, this is brilliant!
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Why thank you very much!
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this is absolutely clever! such an amazing approach to breakups
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anytime! it was an awesome poem to read!
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Don't add any more to this. This is perhaps the most original piece of poetry I've seen on this website in a long time. It's clever, biting, humorous, and sad. Great work.
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Thank you, and I'm glad you think so. I feared the work would be cliche or overdone, but I'm glad you reassured that fear.
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:theWrittenRevolution:
I don't know if you should add more to this. It feels complete, and I think adding more would risk straining the metaphor. It's nice as it is, sparse nd short.
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Okay, thanks for the advice and feedback. If adding to it will take it away, I'll leave it as is.
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I rather liked it. It was brief, to the point, not over worked and a very original concept!
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This is such a brilliant, unique concept, as I'm sure people have already told you. Made me laugh, which is always a good sign - poerty's got to evoke some sort of emotion, right?
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I can honestly say I've never seen microwave popcorn used as a metaphor for relationship woes. How can you worry that this lacks originality?! Ama-za-zing.
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Ultra thanks, I was worried it had been done before, but your comment has calmed my fears. Thank you so much for the feedback.
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very witty, indeed. your poem doesn't lack originality^^ i enjoyed it
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Excellent work! Original and creative using a microwave as inspiration for your treatment of a break-up. I think you've done a wonderful job. It reminds me of a poem I read on here that was inspired by an instruction manual. I loved how you took something most people would overlook and took it to the level of art. Well done!
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Oh! Why thank you very much for the feedback!
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Of course! Anytime!
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