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deadend-zenithThe Fuguist
Published: 2007-06-15 23:09:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 7754; Favourites: 127; Downloads: 50
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Description Jonah hated Mars. He hated everything about it. Every minute he spent there he was plagued by a vague feeling of unrest: Mars was not quite foreign, not quite familiar, an endless mirage or coma dream. Maybe he was dead, and maybe this was purgatory. Sometimes he considered praying at night, asking for forgiveness, just in case, for whatever sin might have banished him there, but then he looked out over the barren, forsaken wasteland and thought his time was much better spent sleeping, or walking.

But he hated how soft the ground was, how little clouds of dust exploded under his soles with every step, and how he could turn around and see his straight, months'-long trail of footsteps stretching out behind him, since there were no winds to erase that lonely path. He hated the air, which was so thin that no one breath was ever enough and so full of dust that he thought his throat and tongue and teeth were coated with the red powder.

He hated the sky, which hung too low overhead, ripe with the weight of the cosmos. It was yellow-green during the day but deep purple at night, when the countless millions of stars stared down at him and the Milky Way split the zenith, rising up from the ground and splashing down like a white-water river beyond the next horizon. He hated the horizon, too, that slowly curving line, which remained unbroken except by spasms of dark mountains and mesas that jutted out of the ground and crawled upwards into the clouds.

He hated Mars's moons, Phobos and Deimos, and how they were ever wheeling through the sky like crows, sometimes here, sometimes there, sometimes nowhere at all. They were asteroids sucked into orbit around Mars, he knew, hapless wanderers chained to this empty, godless planet and oppressed by gravity; but the fact that he and the moons were the same in that sense made him hate them even more.

What he hated most of all, though, were the stoplights.

*

"Why?" Jack asked, watching Jonah intently. "Why the stoplights? Why not the emptiness, or the quiet that settles everywhere like the sand?" He reached out a long finger to brush some grains from Jonah's stubble.

The day they met, Jonah had ventured into what was once a pub in search of something with which to wash his mouth of dust and to help him forget, if even for a moment, the oppression of the red planet. Stepping in, he had noticed immediately a beer bottle at the end of the bar, half-emptied and cap sitting on the wood next to it. Then, he saw the eyes—the deepest, brightest, almost-neon blue—staring back at him so intensely that Jonah thought they must have been looking straight into his soul, striping away his skin, burning him into nothing. He took a step backwards.

"What are you?" he breathed.

The man had licked his lips. "Hi," he said. "I'm Jack." He had smiled. "Nice to meet you."

Jonah's mouth opened and closed soundlessly.

*

Jack had been there just as long as Jonah had, maybe longer. He wandered, too, traveling in loop-de-loops and sine and cosine curves, sometimes crossing his own tracks, sometimes walking parallel to an old trail. Sometimes he would make camp at night and not get up in the morning, just lie there and stare out into nothing, as the sun and moons rose and set. Sometimes he would walk for weeks without stopping. Sometimes he stayed in the towns, and sometimes he didn't. He hadn't picked a star to follow like Jonah had; he didn't follow anything. He was as unpredictable as the moons, and for that reason, Jonah almost hated him, too. But their meeting changed things. Jack followed Jonah now.

While passing through another empty city not long after they met, they had come across a silver convertible with a full tank of fuel and keys in the ignition. They looked at each other, then back at the car.

Jack cleared his throat. "You wanna drive?" he said.

Jonah shook his head. "Be my guest."

And then they got in.

Now they'd blast across the desert on paved roads with shoulders and double yellow lines; this side of the planet was far more built up, with roads that crisscrossed across the sand like spiders' webs and cities instead of towns. Jack always drove, since Jonah could not be persuaded to. He hated the stoplights, he said. And then, one night, Jack asked why.

"I can deal with the silence, and the stillness," Jonah replied. The two of them were camped out, a city perched on the horizon in front of them and one on the horizon behind them. "You have to when you're two hundred million miles away from any other living being—"

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"—present company excluded. But this is an alien planet. Why should they expect human laws to govern movement here?"

Jack nodded and poked at the fire, and Jonah stared out into the darkness. Every now and again, the fire would crackle and pop, illuminating a headlight, a tire, a bumper.

"Why did they think we came out here?" he continued. "They didn't really think we wanted a second Earth, did they? Why did they have to put up those goddamn stoplights?"

"They did jump the gun, building all this, didn't they," Jack said quietly.

There was a long silence. "Sometimes I wonder if that wasn't just all a dream," Jonah whispered. "What, the voyage, and the colonization. It seems so unreal, so silly now, how excited I was to come to Mars."

Jack shrugged. "I never think about it," he said. "Would just be a waste of my time."

After a pause, Jonah spoke again. "They're three-eyed monsters, that's what they are," he said. "They're mocking us, you know. They're saying, 'Run us. We dare you.'"

"Jonah," Jack said, "we haven't even seen any yet."

"There were some, back where I came from," Jonah said, "and you can see some up there. Look." He pointed towards the next city. "See?"

Jack squinted into the night. Indeed, one green light shone in the distance, a tiny speck suspended in the black. As he watched, it disappeared and was replaced by a yellow one. He frowned. "That's a day's drive from here, at least," he said slowly.
Jonah shook his head. "But what will we do, Jack? What will we do in a day's drive? Will you run it?"

"Of course!" said Jack. "No police to fine me. No one else to hit me. I don't see what the fuss is all about! I don't see why I should stop."

"This land is wretched, wretched," Jonah said, anguished. "They're mocking us, see. If we stop, we're mindless sheep. If we don't, we're godless beasts. We can't win. Either way, we are nothing but animals." He sat up suddenly. "Jack, we can't go through that intersection." His voice was hushed and hurried, as if he were sharing a secret plan that someone might overhear. "We must avoid it."

"Why?"

"We can't let those stoplights oppress us—"

"I can't believe this!"

"—We can't let them take away our … our humanity."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Jack said. "There are no humans on Mars. Only Martians live here."

Jonah blinked. "What?" he said, taken aback.

"Are you an alien, Jonah?" Jack said forcefully.

"No! Wait, what?"

"Well, if you are not an alien, then you must be a Martian."

"I…" Jonah sat back.

"That's something for you to sleep on, Jonah," Jack said. "I came to terms with it long ago. Don't fight it." He paused. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to sleep, so that tomorrow I can be fully awake when I run my first Martian stoplight. Put out the fire, will you?" Jonah nodded. He stared at Jack's face, his eyes searching, and Jack stared back. Jack's eyes were full of tenderness and his voice was soft. "Goodnight, Jonah."

"'Night," Jonah said reluctantly.

Jack rolled over and faced the darkness. Jonah's eyes stayed on his back, disbelieving, for a long moment. Then he turned to the fire. He tossed a handful of red sand on the crackling flame, and it hissed and shrunk. Jonah was plunged into darkness. He stamped out the embers with his boot, extinguishing the last light for miles. He lay back and laced his fingers behind his head. As his eyes adjusted, the stars lit up one by one, and the Milky Way slithered across the sky, until Jonah felt he was about to be swallowed by a sea of light. He was overcome by a sudden vertigo, and he turned his head away. His eyes settled on the city in the distance, which existed only as a small black silhouette against the blackness of space.

And, in the endless dark, a yellow light blinked off, and a red one blinked on.
Related content
Comments: 74

ArcadianSpaceship [2008-04-30 15:12:40 +0000 UTC]

DD totally justified. Incredible; such an imaginative and complicated piece even though it's such a simple thing not to like! I love how well developed this idea was (and, of course, how spectacularlt well-written )

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toadietard [2008-04-30 05:48:57 +0000 UTC]

Wonderful! It's not often that I trust a writer completely enough to let loose and read a story, and that's just what happened here. I started from a technical view/checklist (grammar, dialog quotations,) and finished with a better understanding of what real storytelling is all about.

Ah ... although I inwardly squealed at your beautiful and unorthodox descriptions. "Spasms" of mountains and Jack's "neon" blue eyes make your mars and its inhabitants that much more vivid.

I would comment on the big ideas here, but it seems a little irreverent to do so. I love it, though. Right down to the title and the characters' names. Biblical Jonah, trapped in a whale. Jarringly modern Jack, free from all barriers. The quiet and somewhat suggestive atmosphere. ... I can go on.

Thanks for renewing my faith in good writing. I should start trusting writers more often!
Congratulations on the DD; you certainly deserve it.

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InfiniteJest [2008-04-30 05:42:38 +0000 UTC]

Sending love out to the fellow writers of DA.

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deadend-zenith In reply to InfiniteJest [2008-05-17 03:32:46 +0000 UTC]

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KiErA-bear [2008-04-30 04:56:42 +0000 UTC]

Brilliant! Bravo!

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rumfoordandkazak [2008-04-30 02:23:20 +0000 UTC]

good show man good show

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MimiMoraine [2008-04-30 01:44:42 +0000 UTC]

Wow, it's so nice to see a short story writer get a DD for once. XD
Really, though. The story was marvelously written, both from an entertainment standpoint and from something deeper. It's really refreshing to see good short stories on here, since a great majority of people don't even bother to post fiction here. At any rate, I loved it. Excellent job!

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kreelah [2008-04-30 01:35:11 +0000 UTC]

Good story!
It pulled me it and it's like I just began reading a book and it was suddenly cut short. On the other hand, it's quite complete as it is...
Really nice piece of writing.

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Emmoyenne [2008-04-30 01:00:35 +0000 UTC]

Nice work. I like how in the beginning you describe a beautiful landscape and then mention that the subject hates it. Though not exactly relevant to your work, it should be pointed out that not /every/ aspect of human nature is purely social construct. To believe so is to deny very real physical differences between individuals and evolution.

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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-01 23:47:32 +0000 UTC]

I'll agree with you that "not very aspect of human nature is purely social construct," but I'd love to hear you elaborate on your last sentence.

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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-02 00:22:26 +0000 UTC]

Some extremists might argue, for example, that men and women are actually exactly the same but "learn" to be different from one another because of what society teaches. That may be true for some things (like associating the color "pink" with femininity and blue with masculinity is a purely cultural phenomenon) but there are obvious observable differences between men and women; for example, men tend to have have higher levels of testosterone and women tend to have higher levels of estrogen - regardless of society and culture. This ties in with evolution because traits not formed by society/environment are genetic.

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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-03 00:15:23 +0000 UTC]

Ah, of course. But male/female differences and dynamics aren't unique to the human species, which is why I don't consider them to fall under the umbrella term "human nature."

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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-03 01:40:10 +0000 UTC]

That was just an example. I see where you're coming from but I'm always hard-pressed to come up with anything completely unique to humans, some characteristic that no animal has, because humans /are/ animals. Communication, social hierarchy, custom, etiquette, and even creativity have all been observed in other animals. Animals can even be compelled to act certain ways because of superstitious convictions – the foundation for religion.

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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-04 04:12:42 +0000 UTC]

"I'm always hard-pressed to come up with anything completely unique to humans." A Christian might ask: How about a soul?

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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-04 04:51:40 +0000 UTC]

lol The soul is undetectable, unmeasurable, and ultimately based on faith (believe without evidence). It's kind of silly to argue that animals must not have souls when there's not even irrefutable proof for the existence of souls in humans.

But, for the sake of argument, the Greek word for "soul" came from their word for "breath". They used the same word for "alive" as for "ensouled". So from that, one would gather that every living thing has a soul. Humans, dogs, fish, plants, fungi, and microorganisms. But the concept of the soul has changed over time. Each religion has their own different views on animals and souls, and each individual in a religion has their own personal opinion. Some Catholics believe that humans are unique because of their souls, and some Catholics are adamant that their dead dog's soul is waiting for them in heaven. Because the soul is metaphysical, it's not bound by any real empirical standards. It's subjective. It is whatever the believer believes it to be.

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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-04 15:34:55 +0000 UTC]

I chuckled when I read "There's not even irrefutable proof for the existence of souls in humans." You're right, and there never will be. Nor will there ever be proof of the non-existence of souls in humans. "It's subjective." As is everything, when one is discussing human nature

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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-05 21:15:37 +0000 UTC]

Well, the one trying to claim the existence of something is the one with the burden of proof because it's impossible to use evidence to /disprove/ anything. But that's an entirely different matter. lol

Wow, your writing definitely got me thinking and questioning things. That's the trademark of brilliant work.

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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-06 01:24:25 +0000 UTC]

"It's impossible to use evidence to /disprove/ anything." Haha, that's what you think. Today I discovered the anti-soul... and it's exactly what it sounds like.

Thanks for the kind words! I love discussions like this one, even more so when they're started by my works

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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-06 01:32:34 +0000 UTC]

Normally I would end the conversation here but I'm really curious about this anti-soul you mentioned. Expand?

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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-14 23:08:21 +0000 UTC]

Haha nah, I'm just kidding around.

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CancerOfTheSoul [2008-04-30 00:55:21 +0000 UTC]

Pure Genius!! I loved it... It was so well written.. I feel so bad for Jonah.. But Jack... makes me think of my cat Jack... XD

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CancerOfTheSoul [2008-04-30 00:53:15 +0000 UTC]

Pure Genius!! I loved it... It was so well written.. I feel so bad for Jonah.. But Jack... makes me think of my cat Jack... XD

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saratheclown [2008-04-30 00:33:34 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful writing style - not only was this very thought-inducing, it was a fun read.

Oh and, congrats on the DD, this is totally worth it ^^

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middaymoon [2008-04-29 23:41:16 +0000 UTC]

I love this!

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Stock-By-Crystal [2008-04-29 22:24:37 +0000 UTC]

That was a good read. I really enjoyed it. It was a little confusing to me at a few points, but I figured it out in the end

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deadend-zenith In reply to Stock-By-Crystal [2008-05-01 02:25:36 +0000 UTC]

Haha thank you for the comment and sorry for the confusion. I realize I left many questions unanswered, but I'm glad you enjoyed it regardless!

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Stock-By-Crystal In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-01 03:51:49 +0000 UTC]

Oh no, I just got lost in the story, because he's walking in the desert and then all of a sudden he's in a bar? lol. I just wasn't reading carefully

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Kiresg [2008-04-29 22:16:16 +0000 UTC]

Superb.

But how about I contribute some constructiveness so that I'm not just trying to establish old news?

If you would get rid of the spaces between paragraphs and dialogue, I think the story would flow much easier. But that's entirely up to you, and, with my luck, DeviantArt probably formatted the story that way when you submitted it and I'm just sounding rude because you didn't do it intentionally.

Also, again being finicky, I feel that the asterisks are just a bit excessive for the transitions. This is entirely my opinion, but you could achieve the same thing with just a plain line break as asterisks. Again, though, this is just my opinion.

That's all. I know it was just opinionated, but I thought I should at least mention it. This story is fantastic and all that could improve it would be minor superficial omissions--spacing, etc.

Also, this story reminded me immensely of The Martian Chronicles. My opinion is probably biased because I'm presently reading that book, but my point is that all you need is a time machine and this could totally be in one of the fanzines Bradbury got published in.

Keep up the good work.

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deadend-zenith In reply to Kiresg [2008-04-30 19:14:05 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much for your constructive criticism. I'm not just saying that - I really appreciate it. And yes, you're not the first (and probably not the last) to say it reminded you of the Martian Chronicles. Bradbury is certainly an inspiration of mine, as I love the way he uses sci-fi platforms to explore the larger questions in life. Thanks again for your comment

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fossilfox [2008-04-29 22:02:38 +0000 UTC]

Very Well done!

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BlackManaBurning [2008-04-29 21:07:57 +0000 UTC]

Absolutely wonderful.
Best thing I have read since joining.

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Davesknd [2008-04-29 20:37:46 +0000 UTC]

Brave...
Definitly one of the most shining pieces of deviantart. I like it very much, since it is deeper than much of the stuff you can find here. Keep up work like that.

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Leonca [2008-04-29 20:36:33 +0000 UTC]

Very interesting. Kind of had a depressing, Twilight Zone-ish feel to it.

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Navaunir [2008-04-29 19:06:04 +0000 UTC]

It's interresting that you chose stoplights as an antagonist. I also find it interresting that you made Jonah care so much about what people do on stoplights. Very deep. Deeper than some of my works. I will say that you are a good writer.

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iamthemonkeyhead [2008-04-29 17:36:20 +0000 UTC]

I have to say I completely lost myself in the story. This was expertly written. A very interesting consideration of someone already schooled in social constructs but now finding themselves without them. What is neat is that it bothers Jonah so much that these are being introduced into the new world, though interestingly it doesn't bother them that cities and vehicles exist.

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rainonasunnyday [2008-04-29 17:08:52 +0000 UTC]

when I started reading this, it reminded me so much of a story by Ray Bradbury that I had to keep reading to make sure it wasn't. I don't mean that in a bad way.

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deadend-zenith In reply to rainonasunnyday [2008-05-01 02:23:55 +0000 UTC]

Yes, Bradbury is an inspiration of mine

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KatieWings [2008-04-29 16:31:18 +0000 UTC]

It reads like a really good, olden-day Sci Fi flick. Man, I miss good Sci Fi...this was, at most, very moving. Informative...thoughtful..and moving.

Congrats on the DD, my friend.

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summerm [2008-04-29 16:23:09 +0000 UTC]

Reminds me of The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury

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deadend-zenith In reply to summerm [2008-05-01 02:23:03 +0000 UTC]

Yes, Bradbury is an inspiration of mine

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summerm In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-01 08:38:09 +0000 UTC]

Hes one of the best writers I ever read I totally loved Fahrenheit 451 and the Martian Chronicles.

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deadend-zenith In reply to summerm [2008-05-01 23:45:08 +0000 UTC]

I agree! Fahrenheit 451 is a definite classic and The Martian Chronicles is totally underrated. The Illustrated Man is good, too, so if you're looking for more Bradbury, definitely give that a read

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summerm In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-02 08:26:48 +0000 UTC]

Ill check it out

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MMQB [2008-04-29 16:04:44 +0000 UTC]

Very enjoyable. I miss reading good short stories.

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Sleepless-Shazaria [2008-04-29 15:58:06 +0000 UTC]

Wow, that's really insightful... I love it. Your style of writing is particularly awesome, too.

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Klyme [2008-04-29 15:47:55 +0000 UTC]

Eerily beautiful.. Well done! Well deserved DD!

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Paperminde [2008-04-29 14:32:20 +0000 UTC]

Oh, it's soo cool. XD
you made my day *hugs*

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Hellwolve [2008-04-29 14:20:21 +0000 UTC]

I like it and I like it a lot Else I wouldn't have Fav'ed it, ofcourse

The reason I like it is because of the IMO succesfull blend of sci-fi and philosophy; well done

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neonxaos [2008-04-29 14:02:45 +0000 UTC]

Haha, I just wrote a story about a guy going to Mars to escape the meaninglessness of New York - made a reference to Jonah and the whale in it. That's ever so slightly creepy.

Anyway, this is a great story, I definitely enjoy the feeling that something's been going on on Mars, but that we can't really say what it was, other than an attempt at colonization. Certainly, we will try to impose humanity on any planet that we colonize, but I expect that the result will be absolutely unpredictable.

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deadend-zenith In reply to neonxaos [2008-05-01 02:22:11 +0000 UTC]

That is a little creepy! Great minds, maybe? Your piece is called "Leaving New York," right? I will definitely check it out! And thanks for your comment

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