Comments: 74
InfiniteJest [2008-04-30 05:42:38 +0000 UTC]
Sending love out to the fellow writers of DA.
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KiErA-bear [2008-04-30 04:56:42 +0000 UTC]
Brilliant! Bravo!
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rumfoordandkazak [2008-04-30 02:23:20 +0000 UTC]
good show man good show
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MimiMoraine [2008-04-30 01:44:42 +0000 UTC]
Wow, it's so nice to see a short story writer get a DD for once. XD
Really, though. The story was marvelously written, both from an entertainment standpoint and from something deeper. It's really refreshing to see good short stories on here, since a great majority of people don't even bother to post fiction here. At any rate, I loved it. Excellent job!
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Emmoyenne [2008-04-30 01:00:35 +0000 UTC]
Nice work. I like how in the beginning you describe a beautiful landscape and then mention that the subject hates it. Though not exactly relevant to your work, it should be pointed out that not /every/ aspect of human nature is purely social construct. To believe so is to deny very real physical differences between individuals and evolution.
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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-01 23:47:32 +0000 UTC]
I'll agree with you that "not very aspect of human nature is purely social construct," but I'd love to hear you elaborate on your last sentence.
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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-02 00:22:26 +0000 UTC]
Some extremists might argue, for example, that men and women are actually exactly the same but "learn" to be different from one another because of what society teaches. That may be true for some things (like associating the color "pink" with femininity and blue with masculinity is a purely cultural phenomenon) but there are obvious observable differences between men and women; for example, men tend to have have higher levels of testosterone and women tend to have higher levels of estrogen - regardless of society and culture. This ties in with evolution because traits not formed by society/environment are genetic.
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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-03 00:15:23 +0000 UTC]
Ah, of course. But male/female differences and dynamics aren't unique to the human species, which is why I don't consider them to fall under the umbrella term "human nature."
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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-03 01:40:10 +0000 UTC]
That was just an example. I see where you're coming from but I'm always hard-pressed to come up with anything completely unique to humans, some characteristic that no animal has, because humans /are/ animals. Communication, social hierarchy, custom, etiquette, and even creativity have all been observed in other animals. Animals can even be compelled to act certain ways because of superstitious convictions – the foundation for religion.
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deadend-zenith In reply to Emmoyenne [2008-05-04 04:12:42 +0000 UTC]
"I'm always hard-pressed to come up with anything completely unique to humans." A Christian might ask: How about a soul?
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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-04 04:51:40 +0000 UTC]
lol The soul is undetectable, unmeasurable, and ultimately based on faith (believe without evidence). It's kind of silly to argue that animals must not have souls when there's not even irrefutable proof for the existence of souls in humans.
But, for the sake of argument, the Greek word for "soul" came from their word for "breath". They used the same word for "alive" as for "ensouled". So from that, one would gather that every living thing has a soul. Humans, dogs, fish, plants, fungi, and microorganisms. But the concept of the soul has changed over time. Each religion has their own different views on animals and souls, and each individual in a religion has their own personal opinion. Some Catholics believe that humans are unique because of their souls, and some Catholics are adamant that their dead dog's soul is waiting for them in heaven. Because the soul is metaphysical, it's not bound by any real empirical standards. It's subjective. It is whatever the believer believes it to be.
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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-05 21:15:37 +0000 UTC]
Well, the one trying to claim the existence of something is the one with the burden of proof because it's impossible to use evidence to /disprove/ anything. But that's an entirely different matter. lol
Wow, your writing definitely got me thinking and questioning things. That's the trademark of brilliant work.
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Emmoyenne In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-06 01:32:34 +0000 UTC]
Normally I would end the conversation here but I'm really curious about this anti-soul you mentioned. Expand?
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Kiresg [2008-04-29 22:16:16 +0000 UTC]
Superb.
But how about I contribute some constructiveness so that I'm not just trying to establish old news?
If you would get rid of the spaces between paragraphs and dialogue, I think the story would flow much easier. But that's entirely up to you, and, with my luck, DeviantArt probably formatted the story that way when you submitted it and I'm just sounding rude because you didn't do it intentionally.
Also, again being finicky, I feel that the asterisks are just a bit excessive for the transitions. This is entirely my opinion, but you could achieve the same thing with just a plain line break as asterisks. Again, though, this is just my opinion.
That's all. I know it was just opinionated, but I thought I should at least mention it. This story is fantastic and all that could improve it would be minor superficial omissions--spacing, etc.
Also, this story reminded me immensely of The Martian Chronicles. My opinion is probably biased because I'm presently reading that book, but my point is that all you need is a time machine and this could totally be in one of the fanzines Bradbury got published in.
Keep up the good work.
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fossilfox [2008-04-29 22:02:38 +0000 UTC]
Very Well done!
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BlackManaBurning [2008-04-29 21:07:57 +0000 UTC]
Absolutely wonderful.
Best thing I have read since joining.
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Davesknd [2008-04-29 20:37:46 +0000 UTC]
Brave...
Definitly one of the most shining pieces of deviantart. I like it very much, since it is deeper than much of the stuff you can find here. Keep up work like that.
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Navaunir [2008-04-29 19:06:04 +0000 UTC]
It's interresting that you chose stoplights as an antagonist. I also find it interresting that you made Jonah care so much about what people do on stoplights. Very deep. Deeper than some of my works. I will say that you are a good writer.
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iamthemonkeyhead [2008-04-29 17:36:20 +0000 UTC]
I have to say I completely lost myself in the story. This was expertly written. A very interesting consideration of someone already schooled in social constructs but now finding themselves without them. What is neat is that it bothers Jonah so much that these are being introduced into the new world, though interestingly it doesn't bother them that cities and vehicles exist.
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rainonasunnyday [2008-04-29 17:08:52 +0000 UTC]
when I started reading this, it reminded me so much of a story by Ray Bradbury that I had to keep reading to make sure it wasn't. I don't mean that in a bad way.
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KatieWings [2008-04-29 16:31:18 +0000 UTC]
It reads like a really good, olden-day Sci Fi flick. Man, I miss good Sci Fi...this was, at most, very moving. Informative...thoughtful..and moving.
Congrats on the DD, my friend.
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summerm [2008-04-29 16:23:09 +0000 UTC]
Reminds me of The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury
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summerm In reply to deadend-zenith [2008-05-01 08:38:09 +0000 UTC]
Hes one of the best writers I ever read I totally loved Fahrenheit 451 and the Martian Chronicles.
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MMQB [2008-04-29 16:04:44 +0000 UTC]
Very enjoyable. I miss reading good short stories.
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Klyme [2008-04-29 15:47:55 +0000 UTC]
Eerily beautiful.. Well done! Well deserved DD!
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Paperminde [2008-04-29 14:32:20 +0000 UTC]
Oh, it's soo cool. XD
you made my day *hugs*
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neonxaos [2008-04-29 14:02:45 +0000 UTC]
Haha, I just wrote a story about a guy going to Mars to escape the meaninglessness of New York - made a reference to Jonah and the whale in it. That's ever so slightly creepy.
Anyway, this is a great story, I definitely enjoy the feeling that something's been going on on Mars, but that we can't really say what it was, other than an attempt at colonization. Certainly, we will try to impose humanity on any planet that we colonize, but I expect that the result will be absolutely unpredictable.
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